I REALLY, REALLY need advice.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Barbwire, Aug 4, 2008.

  1. Barbwire

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    When my mother gave me a ride to the PS the other day, I really focused on the speed she was driving. She was doing 45 in a 55 zone, so I told her to speed up a bit. Sometime later we are in a 30 zone and she was doing 45.

    When I tell her a turn is coming up, and she needs to take it, I have to tell her she's going too fast and needs to slow down. She about flung me out the window taking a turn so sharp and fast.

    She doesn't put her directional on 'til she's 10 feet from a turn. She brakes first then uses the blinker.

    She can't read HUGE signs.

    She has had issues with macular degeneration, but now she says she has cataract(s)

    I had no idea her driving was so bad, as she has not been the driver on any of our outtings for quite a few years. I can't believe I've had her driving around with my kid in her car!

    I'm really torn about this, because I know she needs to be taken off the road but I know it will devastate her, and in all likelihood, mean she will be moving in with us.

    How the hell am I going to deal with this?

    Anyone been through something similar?

     
  2. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    That's a tough call, sweetie, but she needs to be taken off the road before she hurts someone or someone hurts her.
    As far as moving in with you, that you will have to take up with Hubbie. With you being a stay at home mom it's logical, but comes with a multitude of pitfalls. How is your relationship with her? Will she follow the rules of the house that you will have to set? Will she be an asset to you or a liabilty? How is her mind? (Altzheimer's) This is a huge step for you to take, and I don't envy you having to make a decision.
    We had to put my grandma in a nursing home, because she had Altzheimers and damn near burned her house down twice by starting to cook something and forgetting about it. There was noone who could take her in since everyone worked full time. It was a gut wrenching decision, but had to be done.
    Good luck.
     
  3. FlirtyChick

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    I agree with Bucky, she needs to be taken off the road. I understand how this is. My grandmother (80) is at this point, and thank goodness she doesn't feel like driving much because she is dangerous. She will not be able to pass the vision test next March, and we will have to deal with this same thing.

    Why would your Mom have to come live with you when she stops driving? Can she otherwise take care of herself? I am just curious about this because it is a big step, and one that will greatly impact all of your lives. Does she live close by? You are a stay at home Mom, and even though you are surely busy, you can integrate taking care of her needs into your days. What does she do with her time now? Is she really active, does she drive a lot?

    I know this kind of thing will have the most negative impact on your Mom, but it is a sad fact of life for many people. I know this is tearing you apart, but you have to help her before she hurts herself or someone else!

    ((HUGS))
     
  4. xd45_service

    xd45_service New Member

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    You know exactly what you need to do. There is no decision here.

    Don't put other people's lives at risk to prevent inconvenience in your mother's.
     
  5. Hot Wheels

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    Unless she's got a huge insurance policy and your the sole benificiary.....:brow
    I think you would really have to do the right thing by taking her off the roads.....for both her's and everyone else's sake......
    As for her moving into your home full time.....what are your husband and son's feelings about this?:nerv
    Are there any choices or alternatives here?
     
    #5 Hot Wheels, Aug 4, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2008
  6. Barbwire

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    I just called one of my brothers and asked him to have my mother drive him around for a bit. He asked why, I said I didn't want to slant his opinion of her driving skills, I wanted him to see for himself. I want my other brother to drive with her as well.

    I just want to be sure that I am not overreacting, and my mom was just having an off day, before I take any actions that might affect us all.
     
  7. AnonymousOne

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    Having an off day in a two-ton car can cost people their lives.
     
  8. Hot Wheels

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    How do you know it weighs two tons?
    It might be one of those little Euro/Jap/Korean pus boxes that Ive found make great wheel chocks under my truck......:uhh:
     
  9. igor

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    Good call having your brothers go out with her. Don't make any decision like that on your own if you can avoid it. Yeah - it's a big decision, especially if it means she has to live with you.
     
  10. Barbwire

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    When I called my second brother yesterday and told him what was going on, the first thing he said was, "But Mom's always been a shitty driver. Don't you remember that?" I thought about it and realized he was right, but asked him to ride with her anyways, just to see what he thought.

    I called my mother last night and talked to her about her driving. I really expected her to get defensive and upset, but she was quite calm and logical about the whole thing. She said part of the reason she was speeding up and slowing down was because she was talking to me and she wasn't looking at the speedometer. She said she does not do that when she drives alone.

    I asked about her inability to read the signs and she says the cataract moves around and causes the one eye to blur, but it is only temparary and she has better vision in the other eye. Bright, sunny days are harder for her; she says she actually sees better at night.

    I asked if Motor Vehicle had done an eye exam and she said she renewed her license 8 months ago and carries a card from her eye doctor that says she's OK to drive. She told me that the doctor doesn't think the eye is bad enough to operate on yet, but will re-evaluate it in October.

    I hope that she isn't lying to me, and might try to get a peek at her driver's license just to confirm what she said.

    I hope I was overreacting and that she is no worse a driver than most of New Jersey. :lol

     
  11. AnonymousOne

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    Even my civic weighs 2600 lbs, so it's almost 1.5 tons.
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    She's a Jersey driver? :uhh:
    OOOOHHHH! Well that explains it!
     
  13. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Look...

    ...if she's driving regularly and isn't hitting things and isn't getting a bunch of tickets and is getting from point A to point B in one piece on a regualr basis, then, yeah, you are over reacting.

    What's her car look like? All banged up? I don't mean little dents or scrapes, but like fairly significant boo boos. Would you know if she has a bunch of tickets?

    I'm not part of the 'bubble' crowd who instantly react with great determination and indignation over the mere suggestion of some potential danger and demand instant corrective action so that we may all return to our smokeless, transfatless, bicycle helmeted and air bagged blissful absolute security and safety centric more perfect union.

    Use some common sense; are there real signs that she's a danger besides your own view, which you admit you are worried may be an over reaction? Unless she's starting to lose her mental faculties, she is an adult and this is part of her independence.
     
  14. Hot Wheels

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    Yep..just about the right size for a wheel chock..:lol
    Have you hung a turbo off the side of it yet?
     
  15. Barbwire

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    LP, my mom hasn't been in an accident in decades and she's never gotten any tickets. Her car does have a few dings in it, but nothing major.

    One thing I noticed is, she does stay in her own lane quite well and doesn't tailgate.

    Maybe she's better than I thought. It has just been so long since I'd driven with her that I was shocked by her driving style.
     
  16. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    I understand...

    ...the fear. I've put four kids loose on the rest of society. :lol :eek

    It's good that you are questioning your objectivity and it's good to get the brothers involved. Just get one of them to go with her and report back to you whether you can just let it go or not. It doesn't sound like you are ignoring a menace.