I have a problem that is not easy to explain. The end result is that I can't maintain an erection with a girl, although I don't have much trouble when I'm by myself. I'm a youngish (26), successful, relatively attractive guy so I'm hesitant to say that it's primarily a confidence issue, but it could be! My sexual confidence is definitely down the drains as a result of recent experiences. Anyway, rather than guess at what my problem is I'll give you some information and maybe you guys could throw some ideas at me. Before I ever had a girlfriend, I discovered porn. I was maybe 13 years old and normally would masturbate once or twice a day. I've read about porn addiction and I'm not sure if it was the case with me... after the first year or so my taste in porn never changed. It never became more extreme. I figured out in that first year that for whatever reason I had an anal fetish. I loved to watch women being dominated, humiliated. I feel incredibly guilty about it when I'm not turned on, as I know it's wrong to some extent. I feel like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde or something. But anyway, for the next 5 years or so I masturbated most days almost exclusively to anal porn. When I was 18 years old I got into my first serious relationship. We waited a LONG time for sex, if I remember right it was at least 6 or 8 months. When the time finally came I was so nervous that I couldn't do it. I remember the humiliation of going through condom after condom trying to make it work, but I just couldn't stay turned on long enough before I'd get nervous and lose it. We worked at it for a day or two and suddenly something clicked and we started having sex all the time. I guess I just got past my nerves and gained confidence. It became sort of a goal of mine to confide in the girl about my anal fetish and maybe try it. That eventually happened and I had NEVER been so turned on before, even though she wasn't super into it. We did it maybe 3 times in our 2 year relationship and I still felt horny all the time, regular sex was plenty good enough for me! I would watch some porn on the side but it didn't seem to affect my sex life. I went off to college and we broke up. I went through a couple more relationships without much difficulty. Sometimes the very first time we'd try to hook up, I wouldn't be able to get it up, but it always worked out. Some girls were into the anal fetish, some were not, and I was okay with that. Then I got into a second more serious relationship. Over the course of 2 years I completely lost sexual interest in her, despite being insanely attracted to her in the beginning. At the end we'd have sex once every month or two. I chalked it up to my being turned off by her clinginess and overattachment, as I saw it at the time. We of course broke up. 6 months to a year later I entered my most recent long term (2 year) relationship, and it was almost identical to the last one. At first I was horny all the time, by the end it was like I had lost my libido completely. Except for one thing... this girl enjoyed anal, and right up until the end of the relationship that was capable of turning me on just as much as in the beginning. So it was all I wanted, and I could hardly even get aroused if I didn't think I would get it. It was horrible for her though, she obviously could tell I wasn't really into the standard sex and she tried weening me off the anal stuff. For a combination of reasons, lack of sex being one, we ended up breaking up. Just prior to the breakup, I had my testosterone tested as a last ditch effort and the doctor said everything was normal. I also tried going without any porn whatsoever for 3 or 4 months, to no effect. Again, I figured that I just wasn't very attracted to this girl, that something with her was off and that it wasn't necessarily a problem with me. So a few months ago I started going on dates with new girls. One of the them in particular was just absolutely amazing... easily the most attractive girl I have ever been with, well traveled, intelligent. She was also ridiculously sexually confident, and the old problem struck. We tried SO MANY TIMES, and it never happened. We even tried while high, which is something I hadn't done in years but remembered it being amazing. Nothing. I would go down on her and get her off, but even that wasn't turning me on. It got to the point where I would dread being in private with her because I was so embarassed about it. I feel like I am just not as turned on by women as I should be... I can recognize when they are hot, but when the time comes I don't feel very excited about it. And I'm not sure if that is because of my history or if it's because something changed in me. I don't like the things that actually do turn me on, if that makes sense, and I want to change. It seems like I am turned off by confidence, turned on by humiliation and the "wrongness" of anal sex. I would really like to be able to enjoy normal sex... I would give anything to be able to get as excited about it as I do for anal. I've been trying the following in an effort to improve my libido, although I don't know if that's the problem... -Working out 3x a week -"The 5 G's" ginseng, green tea, garlic, ginger, ginkgo biloba -No porn Please help me to figure this out, and I apologize for the wall of text!