I need help with something

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by brob91, Dec 27, 2007.

  1. brob91

    brob91 New Member

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    Well, within the past 3 years, there has been this girl i've fancied, and it took me awhile to ask her on a date, and she accepted when i finally did, but it took about a year. Over the course of that year, my feelings grew for her, to the point where i considered it that i loved her, because she was the only thing ever on my mind. well now, after the dating and everything, i have gotten over her(or so i feel), yet when i see her, i still want her, but more physically, as in being able to hold her and the things associated with that, but not in an emotional sense. Is this just me still in love with her partially, or is it just me wanting attention from her?

    This has been on my mind alot, and i feel i need others opinions, which is why i've posted after the help i've seen given out on the site. The relationship was better off as a freindship, which is what we've stayed, but when we dated, she never really wanted me as more then a friend i found out after the relationship. I cooled off for a while, but then after talking with her for awhile and just being friends, i found the feelings arose again. I told her about this, because she had been MUCH friendlier then usual, but again, only loves me as a friend, and nothing else. Now i'm very hard headed, but i just couldn't get over her emotionally until as of late. I finally have, yet have physical urges towards her, but no emotional attachment aside from our friendship. I find myself wanting her body and to be able to just hug her, but not wanting a actual relationship with her. This is very confusing to me, and i need help/advice. So i'm open to anything anyone wants to say, i'm very open minded in trying things at least once.

    so please help!!!
     
  2. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Based on the information you posted my 'gut' feeling is that you are infatuated with her, not in love with her. The mixed feelings that you have are most likely due to your infatuation. Seeing her again most likely brought up those feelings but if you did get back with her you would find that the two of you would have the same issues that led to your original break-up. Sometimes you 'hear' something from a friend about an ex and I find that information type of information suspect. That friend may have feelings for you, one way or another. If what they are saying is true then it calls into question her relationship with you and it indicates that the quality of the relationship was not good due to the fact she could not tell you how she felt. Probably the worst thing you could do right now is get back together with her. It sounds as though you have finally got over her and it is best to leave it at that. If you do try my feeling is that it will make things worse for you.
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    You are a young man, with ordinary young man feelings. The sensual nature of your past relationship is very strong right now.

    I would imagine you are at a crossroads between your physical tendancies and your emotional/spiritual needs. You are already aware that there is a difference.

    We all have to cross this road. I'd suggest you first understand your emotional nature, then separate it from your sexual nature - which is rearing it's ugly head. It's part of the passage from adolescence to adulthood. A MAN desires more from his sexual/sensual encounters.

    That, my friend, is the dilemna you're experiencing. It's not a bad thing - - just a hard thing.

    Rose
     
  4. bricolage

    bricolage New Member

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    To add to what Rose said: Don't keep your emotional side and sexual side separate.

    What Rose described is a mind-body gap. The mind (intellect|emotional|spiritual side) and the body (physical urges|lust|hedonistic desires) have, historically and philosophically, been separated and placed into conflict. And if you consider your "physical side" to be at odds with your "emotional side" you will have to face relationships with a constant sense of conflict. You don't want that. I suggest uniting your emotional side with your sexual side--not trying to give an advantage to one side over another or assuming they are separate and that you have to find some impossible way of satisfying both.

    The good thing is that a mind-body gap isn't inherent in being a human being or a "child" or an "adolescent" or a "young person." It is something you picked up over time and chose to accept--but you can reject it too.
     
  5. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    Just a little saying someone sent me in an e-mail, maybe this will help. It made me think.

    People come into your life for a reason, a
    > season or a lifetime.
    > When you know which one it is, you will know
    > what to do for that person.
    >
    > When someone is in your life for a REASON, it
    > is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
    > They have come to assist you through a
    > difficulty, to provide you with guidance and
    > support,
    > to aid you physically, emotionally or
    > spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and
    > they are.
    >
    > They are there for the reason you need them to
    > be.
    > Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at
    > an inconvenient time,
    > this person will say or do something to bring
    > the relationship to an end.
    > Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
    >
    > Sometimes they act up and force you to take a
    > stand.
    > What we must realize is that our need has been
    > met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
    > Th e prayer you sent up has been answered and
    > now it is time to move on.
    >
    >
    > Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
    > because your turn has come to share, grow or
    > learn.
    > They bring you an experience of peace or make
    > you laugh.
    >
    > They may teach you something you have never
    > done.
    > They usually give you an unbelievable amount of
    > joy.
    > Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
    >

    > LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime
    > lessons,
    > things you must build upon in order to have a
    > solid emotional foundation.
    >
    > Your job is to accept the lesson,
    > love the person and put what you have learned
    > to use in all other relationships and areas of
    > your life.
    > It is said that love is blind but friendship is
    > clairvoyant.
    >
    >
    > Thank you for being a part of my life,
    >
    > whether you were a reason, a season or a
    > lifetime.
     
  6. brob91

    brob91 New Member

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    Thanks everyone, this has helped alot. I've just been really confused by it and what it could mean, and i didn't want to do something i'd regret, so i figured this would be a great place to ask, and you've come through for me.