I Need Help, please...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Robbie19, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. Robbie19

    Robbie19 New Member

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    Dear members,

    Please don't take this thread as a joke, because I am as serious as possible and I really need your help. Thank you for your understanding.

    I'm a 19 year old boy. I'm a virgin, but I started masturbating when I was 13 or 14(I don't remember exactly).
    I remember that at the beginning, when I found out about masturbation and when I started doing it, there was a period when I used to do it every day. I enjoyed it very much. Sometimes I also watched porn movies.


    As I am religious, I believed all the things they say about masturbation in the Bible and at church. When I was 14, a priest told me that it is a very bad thing and it scared me very very much. That was the moment when I started trying to stop masturbating, and I'm still trying. I don't know if it is an addiction or not. If I have to, I can do without it for even one month, but the desire still exists.


    After that very moment, when I was told by the priest that it is very bad, I've never enjoyed it as much as before. My problem is that this evolved into a guilt feeling, which I started feeling every time after I ejaculated. I think it's my conscience. I didn't do it for 2 or 3 weeks now, but I am sure that if I do it, 10 seconds after having orgasm, I start feeling that guilt that I did it and I see myself the worst person in the world. And the following period, until I go to church to confess, I keep feeling guilty for it.


    I think this is not something normal. The thing I'm afraid about the most is whether I am going to feel the same guilt if I will sleep with my future girlfriend(when I will have one).


    I would also like to say that I've always been a very emotive, nervous person and that's why (I think) I get excited in a few seconds anytime and come to ejaculate very early. If I'm not excited I can still get an erection easily, and then I don't ejaculate so fast. But if I'm excited, either by kissing a girl or watching a porn movie, I ejaculate very very early.(sometimes in 30 seconds). I feel that I simply can't relax when being with a girl, because the idea of having sex makes me very nervous...


    I think that you understand my concerns. I'm afraid that I might have problems in my future relationships. And I don't know what is good for me, and what isn't. That's why I would like to ask for your help, if possible. Please tell me your opinion on what I've written, and please, after writing your response, answer my questions:


    1) Should I continue my abstinence as long as I can(but with a daily very strong desire) or should I masturbate from time to time (but feeling that guilt)?
    2) Could an abstinence of this kind affect me physically or psychologically?
    3) What can I do against this guilt feeling?
    4) What can I do in order not to be so nervous and ejaculate so early?


    Because it is impossible to tell and ask you everything, I would also like to ask you to give me all sorts of other advice about anything you think it is important for me to know, and please ask me anything you want or anything you need to know in order to help me.


    Sorry for being so long, but I wanted to tell you everything I could at the moment of writing.


    I really need your help. I'm waiting for your answer and thank you in advance.
     
  2. Trond

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    About the priest:
    Did he explain why it's a "very bad thing"?
    Are you hurting anyone? Of course not. Does it make Jesus cry? Why would it? The fact is that masturbation being a "bad thing" makes no sense with or without religion. It is actually great stress relief. Prior to the 1700s it was apparently not a bad thing in Christianity either. That's a puritanical thought that has been added in later.

    The nervousness and early ejaculation are extremely common problems at first, to the degree that, for first-timers, I would guess it is more common than not being nervous and ejaculating early :D. It goes away with experience. Most girls don't mind nearly as much as you might think.
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Robbie19, what you are is a......very normal boy with normal needs commensurate to your age due to raging levels of testosterone.
    Here is how it is for the rest of the men in this world; 99.9% do are have wanked but now substitute it with regular sex. The 0.1% who don't are liars!
    Even priests jack off, it is a normal body function and if you abstain it will happen spontaneously anyway.
    Guilt!
    Yes that I know extremely well because as a former RC in my youth I fervently prayed for forgiveness to JC and MM for having done just such dastardly deeds so repetitiously and The Lord finally answered by giving me a woman to fuck instead!
    Well my mates came to the rescue and gave me a blow up lady first but I guess that does not count :)
    My bible quotations might be a little rusty now but goes something like this; "Man's seed shall not fall upon the earth"!
    Ok, so just think outside the box a bit; how about squirting into the toilet bowl or shower drain hole instead so that your conscience can be clear right?
    Seriously dude wank all you want and enjoy your body functions but use the experience to know thyself.
    Practice edging so that when you finally have sex you last more than a few seconds, advice from an old pro ;)
     
    #3 lbushwalker, Sep 16, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2013
  4. backcheck64

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    I was raised RC, at about 12 I realized it was all BS. The teachings of the church, the bible, the whole shooting match was absolute BS. Sex and masturbation is a natural thing. If there was a god, and he made you, why would he instill such a drive to have sex at a young age? It's nature, nothing to feel guilty about. Just use some form of birth control.
     
  5. Meee

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    Welcome to the forums. I think you explained your concerns very well.

    1. Masturbate as much as you can possibly want, as long as it doesn't make you miss work, school, or dinner. Or Confession.

    2. Abstinence, no. Guilt, yes.

    3. Read the other replies.

    4. Wait until you're comfortable with the girl in your relationship. When you feel you can talk with her, be natural with her, explore with her, be clumsy with her. When you know you'll both laugh off what needs to be laughed off. When it's even OK to ejaculate early, if that's what happens, because you know that you'll both understand, and feel close enough to try again and learn and grow in your sexual relationship over time.
     
  6. sandwich

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    I think those are all very good questions, Robbie.

    There are people on this forum who don't believe in God, the Bible, etc., and that is fine, but it sounds like you do, so as an individual who does believe, I think I can address your concern about masturbation. Everyone else: please let's not turn this into a theological debate.

    You mentioned the Bible and all it says against masturbation. I can promise you 100% that the Bible is silent on the topic. Some will tell you that a verse in Genesis chapter 38 is anti-masturbation, but when you read it in context, you will find it is addressing something else entirely.

    The problem with Catholicism when compared to scripture is that in many areas, Catholicism does not follow what is written down. For instance, Jesus' sacrifice eliminated the need for priests and confession to a priest. Catholicism is kind of like Jesus Plus. In other words, you have a to do list on top of Jesus' sacrifice. But the Bible indicates that Jesus' sacrifice is sufficient in and of itself, so it's not necessary to become like a rat in a maize who is trying to reach the end for the prize for having done well. No one can ever be good enough, so that's why Jesus did what he did.

    So priests are not necessary, but teachers and elders are common in the Bible, and there is no precedent for them to involve themselves in the celibacy required of modern priests. You will also find not a single instance of infant baptism. Baptism is meant for those who have knowingly on their own initiative embraced Jesus. It is more or less a public affirmation of the decision the individual has made. These are just a couple other areas in which the Catholic Church has "changed" Biblical intent. There are numerous others. I mention all this because with the anxiety you already have, you don't need a bunch of rules and regulations made up by humans to rule who and how you are. That will just keep you on edge. Jesus is about love and forgiveness....not about keeping some to do list to get into his good graces. He knows you can't.

    By the way, I do not consider myself to be a Christian in the modern sense, because what that has come to mean in the world is pretty fucked up. I do believe in Jesus, however. He was sent to save, and most of his messages were about love and forgiveness, and specifically about not being self righteous (keeping a to do list to get into heaven) and helping the poor, sick, widowed, orphaned, etc., and seeking what is best for the people in your life.

    So there, I have outed myself, but if you believe, maybe this will resonate with you.
     
    #6 sandwich, Sep 16, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2013
  7. Robbie19

    Robbie19 New Member

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    Thank you all for your help and, especially, for your kindness and understanding. I've asked for help on a forum in my country and some people were making fun of me or even banned me from the site. I'm glad that I found normal and good people like you !

    Ps: if you have any more advice or helpful information for me please do not hesitate to post them here.

    Thank you all again !
     
  8. Meee

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    What is your country?
     
  9. Robbie19

    Robbie19 New Member

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  10. Meee

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    Cool. Welcome to the forums.