I need help anyone! please

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by civeta_dei, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. civeta_dei

    civeta_dei New Member

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    I met a girl online four months ago. We have talked, exchanged pictures, phoned each other, and everything. Without mentioning a lot of details, because I'm too upset to mention any right now, we fell in love. I had never met anyone like her before. And the same with her for me. I talked to her every night for at least an hour, and usually more. She was planning on flying out to visit me this August. I knew the passwords she used for her myspace and other things such as that, but I had never used them before. She was going to be gone for a week this week, and I already missed her when I woke up this morning. I guessed at her password and logged on to her myspace so I could see the messages we've written to each other, so I could read them and smile. When I put in her email address and password and logged in, it was a completely different girl entirely.

    When I called her and asked her about it, she confessed that for the past four months she had been lying to me, and sending me pictures of a friend, because she is rather overweight and hates the way she looks. She used to be skinny, but developed a thyroid problem about a year and a half ago. She said she didn't think I could love her if I really knew what she looked like. I really do care for this girl. Everything I have ever learned about her I like. But to hear that she has been feeding me a lie for four months, I don't know what to do. She told me she really does love me, but she thought would never feel the same way for her because she is fat. But because she lied to me about something so big, I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to believe that she's the same sweet girl I fell in love with, and that she is struggling with her own body right now. I'm not angry at her because of the way she looks. I'm angry because she lied to me.
    I've been crying all day, and I'm a little drunk. I know I shouldn't have drank, but I needed something.
    Please anyone, I need help with this.
     
  2. oscitate

    oscitate New Member

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    Well. . . first I'd like to note that there are any number of reasons why a person would lie and number of reasons why a person wouldn't/shouldn't forgive another for a lie. That being said, you have to ask yourself if she'd have gone on with the lie and if you want to or don't want to forgive her. It should also be noted (but not by any means a reason not to be upset) that unless you had permission to get into her myspace, you've done something that isn't quite all right either.

    Now, another point is that in the our society (US) that there is an overwhemingly large amount of external inputs that cause women to believe certain things about their self image. And while although most guys realize it, the extent to which these factors influence a woman's self image can vary greatly. I have a girl who's a size 4-6 (designers can't agree, happens with guy pants too and those are in inches) with a good sized chest and she thinks she's fat sometimes. It happens.

    Keeping that in mind, if you feel that this is something real and something to be pursued, then you should, with an open and calm mind, approach her and enter into serious dialogue. Also, don't beat yourself up over this. The best thing to do is to try and move forward.
     
  3. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Oh my goodness! What a shock! Not that there's anything wrong with being overweight, but to have someone outright lie to you must be really painful.

    I think what you need to decide is whether or not this relationship is worth saving. She lied out of insecurity, not out of a desire to hurt. Just something to think about while you decide if you want to continue with this person.
     
  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I am only somewhat familiar with MySpace.... had you looked at her account as a visitor before? I'm trying to understand how you learned something different signing on AS her than you knew visiting the page as a visitor??
     
  5. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    That's just one of the dangers of meeting someone on the internet. It's hard to trust anyone these days. I'm also wondering the same as Mel. You've never looked her up on there before?
     
  6. heelfetish

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    Without prejudice...

    OK, size issues aside, in my opinion you were just as dishonest as her by hacking into her personal account. If I were her, I'd have a difficult time trusting you after that breach of privacy; just as you will have a difficult time forgiving her for her lies.

    Right away the relationship seems to be on rocky ground. You both have been dishonest. It's going to be tough to build a solid relationship on the foundation you both have laid.

    If you truly love this girl, and truly want to be with her, then her physical size should not stand in the way. However, you do need to feel attracted to her as well.

    Only you can decide these things for yourself. Only you can determine if your love for tis girl is enough to overcome both her size and her lies. And only she can decide if she will forgive your trespass into her personal space.
     
  7. civeta_dei

    civeta_dei New Member

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    Clarification

    ok, I just wanted to clear a couple things up.
    She had given me the password to her account a while ago, I didn't steal it or anything. I had just never used it before, and the only reason I was logging on to it was because the messages that I send to her get deleted every 14 days from my account, but they stay in her inbox. I wanted to look at a little chronology of how we met.
     
  8. heelfetish

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    I guess I misinterpreted your line "I guessed at her password and logged on to her myspace". Because it sure sounds to me that you guessed her password. :shrug

    Anyways, the rest of my post still applies. Good luck. :)
     
  9. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    I still don't understand why she would have given you her password if she knew there was a chance that you might actually find out who she really is. If I was going to lie to someone about who I was I sure as hell wouldn't give them any password or any real information about me.
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I think perhaps ( not being or trying to be cruel ) that this is seeming more and more fictisious as the posts go on..
     
  11. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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  12. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I doubt what he said is made up. Maybe the fact of how he got into the Myspace account seems shady cause the details keep changing, but whatever.

    I'm not sure how you saw different pictures of her inside the Myspace account, than what where on the end user screen for visitors?

    If you claim to love her than you need to accept how she is. You can always encourage her to start working out and eating healthy if she isn't doing that now. Her thyroid may make it tough to lose weight, however.

    My g/f has a thyroid problem, but her medication keeps it under control and she is very active and healthy. So it may just be the fact she isn't taking care of herself. I don't know her or want to judge... just pointing out that I know having a thyroid problem doesn't mean you can't lose weight.

    I think you need to search your soul and decide if it was her phyiscal appperance you fell in love with, or her mind.

    If you can't overcome the fact she lied to you, I suggest using a webcam next time. Exchanging pictures is too risky these days, and the cost of webcams are so cheap now that anyone can buy one.

    If a girl you meet online refuses to go on webcam with you and only exchange pics (once you have "known" her for awhile) then something may be fishy.

    If they are willing to meet you, then they should have no qualms about talking to you on webcam.
     
  13. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Well to me it just seems there are way to many inconsistances for this to be a truthful post.
     
  14. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Such as... ?
     
  15. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    That theres different pictures seen on the same account, that he says he was given the passowrd, but also guessed what it was. thats more than enough to sugest a truth problem in the form of whether this is a meaningful thread or just one made up..
    now i know you and i do not get on, and that what ever i say youll pick a fault with , thats cool... but 99% of the time i dont ever disbelieve a thread i read, but once in a purple and blue spotted moon, i see a thread that doesnt seem right some how.
     
  16. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I didn't know we had a problem with each other - news to me. Aside from what I said to you a couple of months ago, I don't recall saying anything about any of your other posts on here. Too many pucks to the head I guess because I don't recall disagreeing with you aside from that incident.

    I think the Myspace password stuff is shady... probably because he hacked into it perhaps, I don't know.

    She could of been using different pictures on her Myspace account and had others inside her account that where private. Who knows. I am not familiar with Myspace enough to understand what he means, so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.

    But I don't see why anyone would make up a thread about this. Would be pretty lame.
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Well sadly in life there are those types of people...and lol there is only that one occasion, but what an occasion it was huh....to many pucks ? where you from .....na not to many bashings of any type to my head ....

    myspace as far as i remembers from using it last year, there was a place where you could put up pics for all to see, or you could chose that only friends could see....now if they had been chatting back and forth for a long time , dont you think he would have been classed a freidn in there ? if so he would have been able to see all the pictures without having to use her account. and why would he need to hack into hers to see the convo they had , he could have just read his side which if he had of saved it or had a setting for autosave would have shown him his half and hers...so again no need to be in her account...


    i just find it odd to say the least.....benefit of the doubt perhaps he was ratassed drunk when he put this up...
     
  18. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I'm from wherever there is ice... if you see ice... I'll be there skating on it until I fall through.

    As far as this cat goes, I think what happened to him is legit. He is being shady about how he got into her account and that seems to be what he is trying to cover up.

    If someone gives me a username/password and says I can go look, I'm gonna go look - cuz that is me. So why didn't he look earlier? Unless he isn't curious like me and 99% of the population.
     
  19. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Well i was thinking ya was from canada or the usa.....thats mainly the countries that seem massive on ice hockey :p.....

    Some peple see being shady, others see it as lieing, i guess its all down to perspectives...
    But if someone lies/shady more than once in a convo, then just imo it makes it hard for me to believe the rest thats being said or typed...
    i think for me this is maybe the 3rd time ive questioned any thread in this forum in the 5 months ive been a part of it.
     
  20. civeta_dei

    civeta_dei New Member

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    Alright already

    I wasn't lying about any of this. I guess I should merely have been more specific. The myspace that I had always seen, the one I met her on, was a completely different account. With a different email and everything. I knew her email because she had given it to me, and I knew the password because she had given it to me. I logged on purely with the intention of reading the messages we had sent back and forth, because I missed her. But when I logged on I saw her actual profile, instead of the one that she had been using when she started talking to me. I don't see the point in lying on a forum like this, so with all due respect Kronnie, I wasn't lying about any of this.