I need another perspective!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by TXEyes1026, Apr 18, 2012.

  1. TXEyes1026

    TXEyes1026 New Member

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    I am a few days shy of 29 and approaching 9 years of marriage. I have never cheated on my spouse for two reasons: it goes against my own personal values, and I do not think I would be a good canidate for dealing with that type of guilt. However, the last 7 or 8 months I have been wondering what it would be like with another man (on a sexual level). Which, honestly I assumed it would be the other way around especially because I was his first and its only ever been me. He has never given me any reason too believe otherwise. Although I am sure he has had and still has his own thoughts. We have always had a healthy sex life, but there is no denying I crave more sex then he does and he has even mentioned that his buddies at work are suprised at how much he gets it and tease him about it BS ( indication he talks about it). We average about 3~4 times a week and I make sure of it because I do think one important key part of marriage is having and maintaining a healthy sex life. So the sex really isint a problem accept I do often want it increasingly more and now I have the added thoughts of being with someone else. Is this normal for women around my age too experience this? Is it just a common phase? I have already been told by a couples of girl friends that my sex drive is a bit excessive for woman(but who devines excessive). They seemed shocked that we still have sex that often and even moreso that I often want it more than that :eek. I am shocked that they dont.
     
  2. boobjob

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    When my wife and I were your age, I couldn't keep up with her sometimes. I remember times that she would be sucking on my soft cock to get me hard again because 3 orgasms had not been enough. You are in prime childbearing years and a woman's body naturally desires sex. A wandering eye is natural but iyt sounds like your relationship is good so talk to him about it. If you have agood thing don't mess it up. Love between a man and a woman is the greatest thing there is. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing a little. Talk to him about your desire for lots of sex and see if he minds you taking care of yourself. Maybe when he's not around you can mastuirbate or masturbate when he is around. Just keep in mind that sex is secondary to your love for him so if you are still in love be careful not to mess it up. Communication is the key to real intamacy. You need to talk about your needs and desires thouhg. Otherwise resentment can build up and cause deep scars.
     
  3. Dragon_Fire

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    You sound pretty normal to me. 3-4 times a week is not excessive at all. Just be warned that it's common for women's sex drives to increase as they mature so your poor husband may not be able to keep up with you. :lol I hope you already are comfortable with taking care of yourself when hubby's not up to it. Don't be afraid to masturbate with him around, it may actually turn him on enough if he catches you that he'll want to take over.
     
  4. boobjob

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    DF is spot on as always. I get so turned on when my wife plays with herself.
     
  5. AHappyWife

    AHappyWife New Member

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    Totally normal all the way around. Some women do not like sex for a variety of reasons so they cannot relate to your high sex drive. Don't let your friends opinions make you feel insecure or different.

    I also think it's natural to think of other men sexually. Aside from the sex act perspective, being married usually means you will never have sex with another person. This is a choice we make when we decide to marry. It's for life.

    The internet can also have a huge influence on your desires. So many lovely bodies out there! Everywhere, 24-7.

    Do you have any sex toys? Watch porn together? These can add a lot to your sex life. It can be a bit uncomfortable discussing new ideas at first, but very worth it in the long term.

    My personal opinion on cheating is that I would be cheating on myself, my husband, our familes. It's not honorable in anyway nor is it qualifiable in anyway. If you love your husband, you won't cheat. You can still fantasize without guilt.
     
  6. BigB73

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    I have to agree. I have an insane sex drive, but I'm a guy. My girl was a virgin when we met, and has never really had strong sexual desires. Twice aweek would be plenty for her, but not me. So I just surf porn and jerk off, if I didn't I feel I may be tempted to cheat, which would be bad
     
  7. boobjob

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    I like that idea too. If you have never watched porn together. Try a sexy mainstream movie with a good sex scene or two. Diane lane in unfaithful gets me going. You can do internet searches for movies with good sex scenes. Rent one on a saturdya night have a few drinks wear something sexy and when he gets hard during the sex you can take notice. Rub his bulge and say yeah I know this is getting me real horny too. See where it goes. You can use that to strike up a discussion. Like wow that was hot sex. I was so turned on by the movie. I wonder if we watched porn together what would happen.

    The other thing to do to get him going with a movie is to recreate the sex. Do whatever the actors were doing.
     
  8. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    You don't have kids, do ya. Is that in your plans? If so, you might find that the situation could become reversed.

    So.. sounds generally normal. At first in a relationship there can be more sexual energy from an attachment to an expectation of what the other is like an/or a desire to earn a closeness - then as time goes on the need to earn the closeness diminishes and even be replaced with a sense of security, and this can lead to neglect of eachothers emotional needs, and looking for someone else that would furnish those needs because they are new and would be trying to earn that.
     
  9. TXEyes1026

    TXEyes1026 New Member

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    I have always been pretty verbal about my desires, unless I am unsure of how he may respond at that time. In that case Ill revisit the issue later. For example, telling him about taking care of myself was one I had to revisit, because I knew it would likely raise doubts.

    He knows how sexually driven I am, because we have discussed it several times. However, it has recently increased and we just recently talked about this increase. I have even noticed that I reach orgasm much quicker than I did in my earlier twenties and they are often much stronger ( He notices too). He mentioned that I probably wouldnt want it as often if he went longer, but I m positive it would make very little difference right now. However, I would only ever go as far as entertaining thoughts, I know anything else would not be worth the trouble it would cause. Thanks for your insight.
     
  10. TXEyes1026

    TXEyes1026 New Member

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    I am glad to know that it is common. I am comfortable with taking care of myself, and actually the first time he watched he did infact "take over"rather quickly :).
     
  11. boobjob

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    No need to say thanks. I hope all works out well for you.
     
  12. TXEyes1026

    TXEyes1026 New Member

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    I do have kids, two daughters both still very young, and am glad I am "fixed" for lack of a better word :D because my plans are not having anymore. I dont think it reversed me ever. You offer very good points, the closeness is sometimes like a roller coaster but we always find common ground.
     
  13. TXEyes1026

    TXEyes1026 New Member

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    I do have a toy, and I actually enjoy watching porn together sometimes, but typically with porn he usually becomes excited so fast that our session is over before it really began, but its good for a quickie session. I agree cheating is not honorable and it does go against what I believe. Thanks for your advice.
     
  14. Tuffty

    Tuffty New Member

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    I'm 51 and have been married for 26 years most of that time has been happy , i have known my wife for 28 years and i have never cheated on her apart from the net where i have spent many a time cybering in chatrooms. ( if you call that cheating then i'm a cheat. to me it's debatable ? ) ...

    I have lusted for other women for years but i have always stopped short of taking a lover , it's drives me nuts but hey i just love women in every way LOL ..... your worry here is something i feel i can understand. Our sex life has been sometimes fabulous and other times dull ( due to life and it's stress's) . We always make an effort and somestimes go wild for afew days then we both stop, maybe it's a good match ? i'm the friday night guy lol ... There are things i want to try and do but she will not entertain them at all, she likes things natural !! no toys !! (it breaks my heart i can't tell how much i would love to treat her to something alittle kinky lol) So we do nothing for awhile then we go mad like crazy for awhile. ( mad crazy at it i like :D )
    There is nothing at all wrong with you or your guy , it's how you deal with your problem together ? If you are unhappy or lacking in some way he needs to know, if you desire another guy that is not unnatural in my book like i say i'v lusted for women all my life but it's knowing when to stop and keep control. The main thing you need to ask yourself is " do you love this guy enough to make sacrifices" ? I thought about that one for awhile and for me it was simple i asked myself could i live a life without her ? It was simple no i couldn't i would rather die. ( but i still cyber , yeah i know i'm an ass :D )
    That may all sound very romantic and sweet but these feelings will not go away unless you find some way to defuse them together. It's a long life if your unhappy so you both need to work at it and get professional help if you are still finding hard. Your young and can adapt so do whats said above and keep him in the loop so he knows what you need. Your very brave to talk about such a senitive subject and seeing what you have said i think you will be fine as long as you are both in love. Goodluck oh and don't take up cyber like me it never bloody ends and you still end up frustrated LOL :D
     
  15. Clintriprock

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    2 words...power tools.

    Some nights when I'm done after an hour or so and she wants more I use "little buddy" on her clit and "Big Bob" in her pussy at the same time. When she cums a couple more times she wants to get fucked again with my now rock hard cock.

    The power tools are great "stunt cocks" that do a great job of standing in.
     
  16. 12barblues

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    well one person wanting sex more than the other is kinda the age old debate here.....its very common. and i dont think youre abnormal at all for wanting it 3-4 times a week, hell, sluttyfairy and i did it 3 times just yesterday, and thunderseed has masturbated 47 times just since this thread started.... lol....
    so its about sex drive and communication...... if youre relationship is solid then most things can be worked out to a degree. sex drive can be a tough one tho. you kinda either have it, or you dont. hard to instill passion or lust in someone if they dont have it already...
     
  17. Clintriprock

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    well said
     
  18. thunderseed

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    I would not view having sex every day or 4 times a week as excessive or unhealthy in the least. I also think that craving sex every day is a healthy and moderate sex drive.

    Excessive means that it interferes with your daily life and it becomes a problem, and when it is a problem like a sexual addiction for example, it is paired with feelings of guilt, shame, depression, suicidal thoughts, and overal mental imbalance. So I wouldn't worry about what your friends say.

    It's normal for lots of women to experience this. It's not just men who crave sex, most times it is women who never get enough (though men just like to think they are the only ones), and the thing is, women go through cycles where sexual urge tends to come and go and balance out and then the sex drives gets really high again. I have also heard sex drives can react differently at certain ages for women
    .
    The thought of how it might be with another man can sometimes signify that you are not satisfied with your current one, or it can mean you need something new, or it can just be one of those sexual fantasies that come to our minds, or it can mean nothing at all. Actually, on this forum it seems very common. It might just be a natural curiosity that happens when you have been with someone for so long.

    And even then, new sexual fetishes usually signify a sexual peak and the need for something new!
    When it comes to what attracts us sexually, sometimes we do not decide that for ourselves. But the thing is, we can do something about it. For example I was sexually attracted to injuries, who knows why, it was wired into my brain, and obviously that was not of great benefit in the bedroom and not in the best interest of my partner, so I had to learn to settle for something else. Not less, but something else. You can learn to change your fetishes if you really try to, as I have learned to get off on more vanilla things and now I really quite enjoy it.
    And injuries wasn't the worst of what I had LoL. I mean obviously daydreaming about other men isn't the same as wanting your partner to be injured so you can get off, but you can still weigh it out and figure out how important it is to you, is it something that really bothers you, is it something you are interested in fulfilling.
    I think it would be something that you have to be honest with yourself about, maybe come up with a pros and cons list. Not the cheating since that is not something you want, but many couples end up getting into cuckold fetishes, where both partners agree to the wife having sex with another man.

    It sounds like your husband is just in a phase of not needing that much sex right now. And it seems like your friends have very low sex drives too. Perhaps he is going through a lot of stress, and has so many other things on his mind. In anyway, I think the best thing you can do is talk to him honestly, and tell him how you feel.
     
  19. TXEyes1026

    TXEyes1026 New Member

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    I appreciate your advice, I know that sometimes his lawenforcement career is very stressful so I always try too do what I can too not adds too that. I do think your correct in saying that drives come and go. However, honestly this one has stuck around of a while. In fact, the first thing I think of when his days off arrive is how glad I am I dont have too wait another night. Of course img glad he is home because family is most important, but I am always get a sense of excitment knowing whats too come. In fact here lately he tells me I know I know your craving it. I dont really let on about it, but yeah I realy I am. Lol.
     
  20. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

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    12BB and DF are right and I'm not sure that there is a single couple who match each other perfectly. If you are determined to remain monogamous then you really only have one option to satisfy yourself and I you say that you don't have a problem with that. I think many would consider it to be more normal to be the other way around where the male drive exceeds the female. However, in keeping your relationship sweet, then you can keep yourself happy until your man is around.

    I recently bought my wife her first toy and we had a pretty frank discussion about it being for her to use not only with me but by herself. To be honest, I know only of one occasion on which she has done this but maybe she is doing as I said, and enjoying her privacy.

    I assume that you have more free time than he does and that this is leading to a greater need for sex.