I Need Advice

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Kisses, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. Kisses

    Kisses New Member

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    Here is my situation:

    I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years and I love him deeply. The problem is that he goes to school an hour away and only comes home on the weekend for 3 days and of those three days I get to spend one with him, and it is usually him coming over late at night and leaving the next morning when I head to work. The rest of his weekend is spent with his guy friends and doing other things- not with me.

    The thing is I know he loves me, but I have no idea what to do in this situation...why doesn't he want to spend time with me? I know that as soon as he graduates from college we will spend more time together, but what do I do about it in the meantime? It is so frustrating sexually and mentally!

    Any advice that can be given would be great! What can I do?? Is it maybe just a phase that I need to wait out?? I definately need help!! Has anyone else had this happen to them where they don't get enough attention or time??
     
  2. itsnikki

    itsnikki New Member

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    Well, I might not be the most positive person to be giving you advice knowing that my bf and I just broke up after a year relationship, but I will give is a shot. I think that maybe it is a phase, but it also could be that you aren't trusting him also. I mean I know you will say on the outside that you know he would never do anything w/ another girl, and I am sure you love him with all of your heart, but I think that maybe if you try to just think positive about him and be thinking of how lucky you really are and remember that the time you do spend with him, just enjoy it and don't think about the time you aren't spending with him, that will bring him down. A bf of two years probably knows you really well and maybe you just aren't having as much fun as you used to and you need to change things. My ex told me that I was starting to not enjoy the time we had togeather because I was thinking about the little time we spent togeather. At the end of our relationship he also said that we were always the couple that was happy in the moment and didn't care about much else, just keep that in mind and try to think that way. Maybe thinking some of these things will make the time that you aren't togeather go by faster and try not to pull him away from his friends...best of luck to you!
     
  3. Antinomy

    Antinomy New Member

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    I avoid giving relationship advice like I do crotch rot, so I am not going to suggest what you should do. I will, however, make three related observations and ask two questions.

    Observation 1: There are exceptions, but few people in contemporary society find the loves of their lives while they are still teenagers.

    Observation 2: Boys/young men mature more slowly than girls/young women. In terms of mental maturity, the average man in his twenties is about two years behind the average woman of the same age.

    Observation 3: There is an excellent chance that a man under age 25 really doesn't know his own mind yet.

    Question 1: What does love mean to you?

    Question 2: How do you behave toward the people that you love?
     
  4. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Kisses,

    What types of things does BF do with his buddies?

    What types of things would you like to do with BF?

    What are your options for moving closer to his school?

    What needs do you fulfill for each other? Where could each of you do better?

    Time and physical contact are important factors in a relationship.

    Any way you could go down for a study date? Could you help him research at the library or on-line? How do you plan to advance academically?

    Is there something fun, that he would like to do, that you could plan a week or month in advance, so his buddies would know he was unavailaable that day?

    I am just suggesting some things to lay out on the table, and think about. Here is a link about mistakes in communication in relationships, Love Busters. Think about if you have been avoiding miscommunications.

    http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html

    Blessings
     
  5. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    It sounds like he is treating you as a friend rather than a girlfriend. You obviously are not the "driving reason" for his weekend visits. Perhaps you ned to step up your romance; write a letter a day, send him pictures, smother him a little with love, make plans for a weekend with just the two of you. All of this will tell him how you really feel, and his reactions will let you know where you actually stand with him.
     
  6. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    All of these sound like a good start. I wouldn't be able to help you. I havn't been in many situations considering that i have only had 1 GF/relationship.
     
  7. Kisses

    Kisses New Member

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    Love to me means being happy with the person you're with and being able to be totally honest with one another, and share anything. Love to me also means respecting one another. I am not too sure how else to explain what love means to me- mostly it is just a feeling that is soooo good to me.

    As for how I behave toward the people I love, I would like to think I behave like I should, by being myself.
     
  8. Kisses

    Kisses New Member

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    Logger- Thank you so much for all those suggestions, some I have thought about but other I haven't. You've given me a few new things to think about and to also bring up to my boyfriend. :)

    Thank you all for the advice you've given me.
     
  9. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Kisses,

    Kbate's point was something that came to mind for me, maybe in a slightly different way. How deep is BF's love for you? Is BF just using you for convenience now, and planning to go through college, and maybe grad school, and become a truly desirable chunk of change, and then start looking for model from Victoria's Secrets?

    So the question for you is, are you just his back door girl? What would it take to become his front door girl? Will BF dump you when he gets his first paycheck? What can you do to keep up with a young man with rising fortunes?

    Kbate was more subtle, but I think that was similar to what she was talking about.

    The reason the question is important for you, at this time, is so that you don't spend 4 or 7 years waiting for this guy to blossom, and then find out that BF had other plans all along. You might want to make changes sooner than later, either upgrading your own standing, or finding some other guy, that wants you for his front door girl, just as you are. You seem to me, like you deserve to be considered special.

    Blessings