Well to begin. I'm a 23 year old black male. A little about myself. I am very good looking. Lightskinned. Just fucking pretty and somewhat masculine. I live my life as a straight guy but of course people have their doubts. I have been in relationships honestly since kindergarten (even though I feel like nothing up until at least high school was legit) but since I was around 16 years old I have been having sex with close friends and my best friends who are guys. One that sticks out in particular is my best friend **** with whom I've been friends with since 9th grade (like 2004). The almost 10 years we've been friends we have been having sex with each other/having sex together with his girlfriends. The first time it happened we went away for the weekend with my family to a timeshare and his mom let him come along with us. I was fucking ecstatic because I was secretly hoping we'd do something. The first night we stayed together we laid there in bed looking at TV and was about to go to sleep when he reached over and began playing with my dick. Mind you at the time I am 16 years old. I had never been with a guy before. AT ALL. So this was all new to me. We ended up kissing and beating each other off until we came. I was so inexperienced it was crazy! I had never seen/touched another guy’s dick before and I had never seen such a big/uncut cock in my life. To describe my friend: he is mixed with black/puerto rican and honestly we look as if we can be brothers (so close some people thought we were twins for a while). He's a stocky/muscular build with a little extra meat with a big 8 inch uncut thick cock. A little bit after that up until about 2 years ago he would pretty much come over and stay for weeks at a time. Almost every day we would end up sucking each other and coming together. It got to the point where I bottomed for him and couldn't take it. About 3 years ago he started going back out with this girl he was going with in high school and they ended up having a daughter together. His girlfriend is bi and is very sexual and they've invited me to have sex with them plenty of times (which I've declined). Weird right? She's attractive as fuck (pale with bright blue eyes) nice body and tattoos for days. I can't seem to bring myself to have a 3 some with him again. (Happened with his ex like 3 years earlier) but she wasn't the mother of his kid so I guess them wanting to do it now feels sort of wrong. I recently went on vacation and went to stay with them in NC and the whole time I was there he tried forcing himself on me because she (the girlfriend/childs mother) got tired of having sex with him. It got to the point one night he comes in the room I'm staying in pretty much begging for me to have sex with him. HAHA for some reason I felt like it was something I was being obligated to do. So I respectfully declined with a "no, let the white girl do it!" LOL. The next day while he worked me and his girlfriend smoked a bowl and talked and she shared how she knows all about me and her boyfriend have been messing around since forever and how she found it hot and I would be the only person he could leave her for. WTF?!?!?! I honestly didn't know what to say. I was stumped. I had never had a girl give me approval on being with her man. Anyways. We ended up talking about how horny he always was and that we got tired of him fucking so much. This guy’s sex drive is fucking ridiculous. Like even if we would be hanging out and for what I thought was just a normal straight (guy on guy hanging out) turned into him trying to get some or beating off before he went to sleep. It's honestly like he's addicted to sex. His girlfriend ends up telling me that she told him to come into the room that night with me and just whip it out and stick it in my mouth or something because she didn't feel like being bothered. Again, another WTF moment??!?! Up until yesterday it had been about 6 months since we had had any type of sexual contact (other than the usual random touching of the balls through pants/shorts or random kisses he'd force on me). I honestly got tired of having sex with him, but it killed me to even look at him. Something about him just turns me on to the FUCKING MAX! Just seeing him walk around with a white tee shirt on and some shorts/sweat pants with that big bulge just looking at me wasn't easy "just watching" BUT I played it cool and didn't let anything go down because honestly I have been trying to get away from messing with guys because I really don't feel I would like to end up with a guy. I don't even feel like I'm gay (which I know something is definitely up because I've been fucking a guy for almost 10 years now). BUT AGAIN something about him just tempts me sometimes to go the extra mile he's pushing for. The other night I called off work because I had gotten kind of more than tipsy at a party and couldn't make it in for my midnight shift. He came over and we smoked and hang out until like 4 almost 5 in the morning. For a while now when he would come over the girlfriend would be with him or I would sleep on the couch just to avoid having sex with him, BUT that night I couldn't resist. He started with the usual "it's late, let's go to bed". I went and got in bed (honestly still drunk and high). He went to the bathroom and took a shower. I knew he was up to something. He came and laid down in bed next to me and asked "are we watching porn or what?" I told him my laptop was beside the bed and he ended up pulling out his phone and channeled in some bi-sexual porn. WTF?! We had never watched bi sexual porn together (it had always been straight). I immediately get turned on watching this guy suck this guy off on his phone. He asked "have you ever watched bi porn?" I of course denied. (Even though I watch gay porn almost as much as I watch straight). We of course ended up pulling our dicks out and started jerking our own cocks. MIND YOU it has been like 6 months since I've since his cock bare. He of course ended up reaching for my dick first and started jerking. That wasn't enough for me. I wanted to suck that dick. I pull back the covers in my dark room with the TV light flashing on us and asked "Can I suck it?!" He just nods his head yes and I grab on and start sucking. Again, mind you. This guy’s dick is fucking ridiculous. So thick and uncut it almost hurts to put it in your mouth. I was so fucking turned on it was ridiculous. I stroked and sucked for what it seemed like forever. Licking his shaft and sucking his balls like a fucking porn star. I got so into it. About 10 minutes of sucking and hearing him make these sexy moaning noises he finally shot a huge load down my throat. I swallowed it all. (Not the first time, but the first time in a long time.) I was turned on that I didn't even need to beat myself off to cum. I simply went and brushed my teeth and got a good night kiss from him before we fell asleep together. Honestly though. WTF is wrong with me? I really want to stop having sex with my best friend but how do I stop? Should I stop? Answers people!!! Answers! He’s really like the brother I wish I never had, but also one of the best lover I’ve ever had. I’m really confused and would like to live a straight lifestyle, but he makes that near impossible. Anyone have a similar situation and would like to talk about what you did/are doing? I'd love to hear.