I Need Advice from Both M&W

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by dpk8910, Jul 30, 2011.

  1. dpk8910

    dpk8910 New Member

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    Hi all, thanks for take your time to look at my situation:

    im 19 yr old in college, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 mths now, we havent had sex, but we often hook up(finger, hj, and oral) and we are probably not going to have sex w/ her for a long time cuz she feels she isnt going to be ready for awhile.

    anyways, my problem is, when she gives me long time hj, i'd cum, maybe after 10 min, BUT, no matter how much i finger her, eat her out, and eat her out and play w/ her clit at the same time, she seems never reach climax, so one time she was sad cuz she said i never gave her orgasm and it made me feel like shit... so can anyone help me to think how can i turn her on more w/o having sex or anything anal, just finger and oral. btw shes virgin and im the first guy she ever did anything w/, so her vag is very tight, like i can only finger her w/ 1 finger and if i try to use 2 she would be in pain.
     
  2. backcheck64

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    First off, "hooking up" IS having sex, not heavy petting. Two, are you simulating the clit or just finger fucking her? Have you eaten her out, sucking and tongueing the clit? Do you know where the clit is? Do you know where the G spot is? And if you're doing everything else, why not simply have sex? Simply google the clit and G spot, find out where they are and work from there. How about a vibrator, I know my wifes spots, but she has the best orgasms from actual fucking, her on top.
     
  3. pool_shark

    pool_shark Active Member

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    She needs to be vocal and tell you what she likes.
    Has she ever brought herself to orgasm? If so, ask her what she likes to have done to stimulate her.

    Communication is needed in every aspect of a relationship.
     
  4. madaboutmodels

    madaboutmodels New Member

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    The question is can she cum on her own? If a woman cannot orgasm by her own touch then she has a problem with her own body, intimacy or possibly has something biologically wrong (but I believe this is rare). If she can cum on her own but not with you it is a matter of finding out what she likes and how relaxed she is. I suggest she masturbate to orgasm by herself, then with you on the phone, then with you in the room watching then with you helping and so on. The point is to ease into things.

    I DO NOT recommend vibrators as they work a little "too well", which is to say after a vibrator some women find it difficult to orgasm any other way.

    Good luck.
     
  5. dpk8910

    dpk8910 New Member

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    she has never touch herself until she met me, and even now she doesnt masturbate hardcore just like feeling herself a little sometimes. i know where the g spot and clit are, i think the problem is like what you guys pointed out; communication & mood. 1. she is always anxious about doing sexual stuff since im her very first of anything, and she often tells me to stop when i just got really into licking her or fingering her shortly after like 5 minutes. 2. i need to ask her what she likes and do what she wants me to i guess.

    there is no way i could just have sex w/ her cuz like i said she isnt ready so im definitely not going to ask her for it

    thank you all for the comment i really appreciated
     
  6. backcheck64

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    My wife and I have used them for years with no adverse effects. She cums just as easily without them as with..

    And let me get this straight, she's ready for EVERYTHING but intercourse?
     
    #6 backcheck64, Jul 30, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2011
  7. dpk8910

    dpk8910 New Member

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    We do everything but sex, or ANYTHING to do with butt. but i dont know if she will be comfortable w/ sex toys, cuz shes sort of prude.
     
  8. madaboutmodels

    madaboutmodels New Member

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    "cuz shes sort of prude."

    Ding ding ding!!! And we have a winner!

    Solve her prudishness and you will have unlocked the doorway to her orgasms.
    Such things take time, communication and patience, you might try talking to her girlfriends to see if there is anything she is telling them that might be helpful.

    This sounds like you are going behind her back (and it is) but it is ultimately for her own pleasure and most women like their man to take a proactive approach to finding out what makes them tick. But whatever you do, for heaven's sake BE TACTFUL and TASTEFUL.

    Thats the way it will have to be until you crack that nut. It sounds to me like she needs to get in touch with her own sexuality more than anything, so you'll have to ease her into that but ultimately it's up to her.
     
  9. Barbwire

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    Good lord, man! That is NOT the thing to do. If a guy I was dating talked to my girlfriends about my sexual needs they would be mortified and disgusted, as would I. I'd have a blow out fight with him over it because he betrayed my trust and I'd dump his sorry ass.

    But, maybe that's just me.
     
  10. dpk8910

    dpk8910 New Member

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    yeah i didnt think that was a good idea cuz i dont really talk to her friends about sexual topics... the communication should only between my gf and i
     
  11. backcheck64

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    Let me get this straight, it's fine to suck your cock, fine for you to eat her out....but you can't fuck..... What the fuck is up with that? And it probably isn't you if she's a prude, she's simply fucked in the head so she isn't going to orgasm no matter what you do.

    Play on old Billy Joel song for her.."Only the good die young". Come on, if she's religious, she's aready going to hell for what she's done out of wedlock so tell her to live it up.
     
  12. dpk8910

    dpk8910 New Member

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    hey im getting offensive by your comments, just saying please be nice w/ the stuff u say. and we only been dating for 8 months, i know thats long time, i had sex w/ my ex gf in high school after 3 months, but my gf she respects her body very much, like she wants to take it slow. plus she never done anything before w/ a guy im her first. i know couple who started to have sex after a year or year half so i dont see anything wrong w/ the fact that my gf isnt ready to have sex w/ a men
     
  13. backcheck64

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    I'm just saying why is that sexual contact OK and full on sex isn't. You're far more patient than I, if I didn't get it by the thrid date, there wasn't a fourth. It just seems strange that she's OK with oral but not intercourse.

    and that would be offended by my comments
     
    #13 backcheck64, Jul 30, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2011
  14. Mittimer

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    I'm actually going to side with Backcheck on this one. It does not make one shred of sense for her to be ok with you to do all you do, apart from intercourse.

    I hate to tell you, oral sex IS SEX. And to me, oral sex is a lot more intimate then just regular old sex.

    You really need to ask her WHY she doesn't want to have sex with you and why she's ok with doing all of this. Plus, it's not your fault she's not having an orgasm, and to feel like shit for it, is ridiculous. You haven't done anything wrong, she just needs to stop being so uptight about it.
     
  15. HardRocker

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  16. backcheck64

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    Exactly
     
  17. madaboutmodels

    madaboutmodels New Member

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    Funny how people read what isn't there. I did not say to ask her girlfriends about her sexual needs, I said "anything she is telling them that might be helpful."

    I also emphasized being tactful and tasteful. How can that be a betrayal of trust? By that reasoning, planning a surprise party is a "betrayal".

    Besides, if she is so sensitive and secretive to take offense at her man taking a genuine interest in her wants and needs, then I say it's doomed to fail anyway.
     
  18. Mittimer

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    Most girls, MOST girls, don't sit around the kitchen table and talk about what "makes them tick" as you put it. This forum is a rare exception, but we're all hidden behind a computer, we're not calling each other up and explaining what we need our S.O's to do to get off.

    If his lady is a prude, then going behind her back for her own pleasure will ultimately cause her to become even more uncomfortable with him due to the fact that he was going about to her female friends asking them if she's told them anything that may be helpful to him.

    When I made emphasis on "most girls", I want to be clear that I'm not one of those girls. I do in fact tell my girlfriends and even some of my boyfriends what really gets me going and what makes me tick, but then again, I'm in a very unique type of relationship in a unique type of lifestyle. It's the way I/we work. Even with this knowledge, I would feel betrayed if my husband went to other people for pointers on me rather then coming to me. Communication is key in a relationship, not outside of it, to make it work.

    It's just how we women tick.
     
    #18 Mittimer, Jul 31, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2011
  19. madaboutmodels

    madaboutmodels New Member

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    Clearly I misspoke, but I never suggested saying "Hey Daisy, I can't seem to get Clara off..I know you two are best buddies, perhaps you could tell me how I can get her to reach orgasm."

    What I would suggest is saying "Hey Daisy, I'm thinking about doing something special for Clara, I'd like it to be a surprise I was wondering if she had mentioned anything to you that she might enjoy." Its a little sneaky, but whats the harm? It's not a lying and as the OP has mentioned, she is very prudish and may be unwilling to discuss such things with her man (she might not discuss them with her friends either but you never know)
    Now such things could be her taste in flowers, her desire to have a foot massage, a certain album...could be anything.

    I also never suggested that women sit around the kitchen table all day, however it cannot be denied that women talk about their feelings with their girlfriends far more than men on average.

    Like it or not, Orgasm is linked to emotional state, perhaps almost as much as biology.

    Communication is key, I agree, but if she is unwilling to explain the situation to her partner what other options are there? I don't think divining rods or tarot cards are very helpful in these matters.

    And once again, what can she say? "You betrayed me by trying to do something special for me and considering my desires, especially after I did not give you any hints as to what I might like! How dare you go behind my back to talk to my friends in a respectful manner so that I might be pleasantly surprised!"

    But I see that men are clearly damned if they do, damned if they don't.

    Her "You got me Daffodils! My favorite! How did you know?"
    Him "I asked your friend Suzy 2 days ago"
    Her "You mean you went behind my back? You said when you were on the phone with Jeff! You Lied!"
    Him "Um...well I thought you might like the surprise and ah..."

    Versus

    Her "How come you are never spontaneous? I can't remember the last time you got me flowers, just because."
    Him "Uh...."
     
  20. Mittimer

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    I think you simply said what you were trying to say incorrectly. From what you had said in your first post (or is it second) to what he read, it seemed as though you were trying to get sexual info, not "I to do something nice for my girl"

    Now that you explain, I see much clearer what you were meaning :)