I have NO sex drive or desire at all

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by lost77, Dec 5, 2010.

  1. lost77

    lost77 New Member

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    I dont know where this comes from but I just dont ever want or need sex. Im in a 3 yr r/ship and have 2 children. My partner when we first met, had a very high sex drive and over time this has dwindled off mainly due to the fact he just doesnt get it often and probably has given up trying as often.

    I am never turned on, or aroused and I find foreplay to be the worse. This is not about my partner, as its always been the case. I just stiffen up like a piece of wood, it makes me cringe on the inside, I cant really explain it. It makes me feel like i just want to lie there and get it over and done with, I will close my eyes and try and think of something else.

    I dont mind affection but I cant cope with intimacy.

    To my knowledge, Ive never been sexually abused as a child, although for the last 10 yrs Ive had a strong feeling that I may have been but have no memory of it.

    At the end of the day, I just dont want sex, it does nothing for me and the whole process is just... a nightmare.

    I dont even know if anyone with reply to this, but oh well
     
  2. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    see a doctor to rule out physical problems

    if that comes out okay, see a therapist (they do have intimacy counselling and he/she may be able to help you find out why you are reacting the way you are)
     
  3. lost77

    lost77 New Member

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    any other replies, no one to talk to here?
     
  4. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    I'll let ya know
    Maybe it's a hormonal imbalance?
    I went through a phase like this last year and it turned out I had thyroid issues and not enough estrogen.You'd be surprised what lack of the right hormones can do to your sex drive.Now that my hormones are right again,all I can think about is sex.

    Are you still attracted to your partner?

    Sometimes having kids really dampens things as well.
    Maybe you need to take a mini vacation away from the kids to a swanky hotel or something.The last thing you want is for it to start feeling like a chore.

    Do you masturbate at all?
     
  5. Trond

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    Sounds like my wife has some of the same problems as you, although she is (perhaps) not quite as badly afflicted. She sometimes does not mind oral sex, but often seems to hate anything beyond that. She also told me that "to her knowledge", she has never been abused or anything. I thought that was a strange way of phrasing it. We have talked about it, but I think there is little we can do.
     
  6. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    In and of itself there is nothing wrong with not wanting sex. -waits while the crowd gasps- the problem arises from the difference in desire of the two partners. One will feel pressured and one will feel rejected and frustrated. Constant communication and understandiong are required. Compromise is essential. A daily handjob for your hubby might help with this. Tell him you understand his desire but yours is not the same. Assure him that you love him and find him attractive. Ask for his patience but make no promises. Try to do some of things you did when you were interested in sex. Maybe your desire will return. Good luck.
     
  7. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    Hi Lost77.

    I am a newbie here, saw that you hardly had any replies, so I thought I would.

    I think the reason why you cannot 'relax' and enjoy sex is because you have thoughts imbedded in your head.

    People say that if you are anxious, worried or concerned about anything, it could hinder your sex drive.

    You say that you do not recall if you were ever abused, but then say that you may have done but you cant remember. You are making yourself sound like your own worse enemy (no offence, just using a figure of speech) battling with your thoughts.

    Maybe the pair have you have grown confortable because you have a family unit now.
     
  8. TheMotion

    TheMotion New Member

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    see a doctor.

    then see a therapist.

    and if those don't work, offer him either a painless divorce or an open marriage.
     
  9. almostthere

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    Honey is that you?
    how old are you? I would def see a Dr. My wife is going thru similar feelings and im ready to either leave or find someone who finds me desirable. Its a sad twist. I have a really high drive and hers is drying up.
    Your only in three years and if you relly love him you need to work this out before its too late. I once read an article that suggested having sex everyday for a week straight. We tried that and she stopped after five. I feel your husbands frustration and he will feel rejected. I know I do. So all it would take right now is a woman who plays on that and I don't know what I would do. The hurt feelings that come with this type of situation are painful. Like you said about him maybe giving up, I don't even look forward to it anymore. I feel like she really dose not wantt to be there. I feel rushed. When she gives me oral I feel like im forcing myself on her and that's no turn on. Sorry to ramble but this post hit home. Try to work on yourself and think hard of what may be causing this. My wife is really anxious and over thinks everything. I think that's one of her issued. Relax, enjoy life. Its too short not to have a passionate relationship with you husband.
    thanks for letting me vent a litte
    hang in there and remember, just enjoy it.
     
  10. pbs

    pbs
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    There are women who just don't want an intimate relationship - I know I was married to one for a few years. There's nothing more frustrating than a wife who constantly rejects you in bed. Another possibility is early life sexual abuse that you may have blocked from your memory. I had a distant cousin who was molested as a child, but had no memory of it, and didn't find out until she was in her 40s, and only through therapy. The perp was dead and buried by the time it was discovered.
     
  11. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    Ummm, this is a fairly old thread... Thinkin the OP isn't even active anymore...
     
  12. pbs

    pbs
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    As long as people are posting, why not keep it alive? OP isn't the only one reading and responding.
     
  13. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    True, just missing that "discussion" aspect. Carry on... I'll keep my big nose out of it :lol

    T