I have a huge problem

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by BigGreekD, Mar 28, 2011.

  1. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    My "gf" came back from a vacation. We weren't "going out" but we were dating and we established that we are monogamist. She had hooked up with someone while she was away. I said ok, w.e... I didn't care but she told me further into our conversation that she also gave him a hand job while he was fingering her and feeling her up. Made him cum and still talks to him. She claims she loves me.

    The reason this came up was because I asked her out and got her a diamond necklace from Kay jewelers. She didn't know about the necklace because she told me no when I asked her to be my girlfriend. We talked and she has feels for some guy on the other side of the world that she met once for maybe a week.

    I still love her and would take her back but something tells me no. I dont feel right. This whole thing shit on my day. I've with her (dating/going out) for 4 years this summer. We've known each other for 6 years.

    What do I do, go with my heart that says "She will never do it again if we're going out" or go with my gut that says "She'll do it no matter what and i need to move on..."
     
  2. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    ps. I think this "asking a girl out" it bullshit and it's very a very highshool thing to do. I shouldn't have to claim my women. She and I should know after we've been together for 4 years that we're dating and being my girlfriend is the same thing. She felt strongly that I should ask her out, so i figured i'd do it the day she came back...
     
  3. Kermit

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    Well she establishes and equal claim to you....but it was dating and not a relationship?
     
  4. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    we were in a relationship... i just didn't ask her to be my girlfriend... we've been having sex, talking, sleeping over eachothers house, dating. eveything a normal couple would do... but i never said "will you be my girlfriend" ... i dont believe in that stuff... only in american highschools they do that... It's implied otherwise... 4 years... its not like its been a week since we started dating... 4 years...
     
  5. Texas_Red

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    Sounds like a lot of immature games to me. Just be straightforward and ask her if she's interested. If not, then she can kick rocks.
     
  6. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    That's what i've been trying to get out of her... i told her to leave my house because she hesitated when i told her to pick me or some guy on the other side of the world she knew for a week
     
  7. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    well to you it has been a relationship, sounds like its been a thing for her. but for 4 years thats foolish. you think its highschoolish but ive seen 32year old men ask women to be their girlfriends. so ask her to cut the bs make her your girlfriend. see whats up and if she doesnt want to then screw her. move on to some one who wont play folish games with you.
     
  8. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    In a way i want to... its harder than you think. I'm not the type of guy to just go out and get a new gf... actualy this girl was my only girlfriend i've ever had. i'm 20... I've never had a gf. i've had sex with two people in my life. not because i can't get girls, i've turned people down because i'm in love with her. but she may not be inlove with me.
     
  9. Kermit

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    Just my two cents but:

    Granted it may be highschool bullshit to you, but ti's how you know someone is serious, if you establish it that you want to make this work and be serious, without the assuming bullshit which can lead to misunderstandings.

    but that aside since i'ts just my opinion which is worthless, she said no to being your gf...then you never had her really in a relationship. Maybe i just misunderstood.
     
  10. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    ^^ true. worthless, haha jk. I understand ... she just told me (becuase this is happening right now as we speak) that shes taking time to think and if i meet someone b4 she clears her head, she wouldn't get upset if i pursued someone else.
     
  11. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    i knew it you were around that age.......so you see her as a girlfriend but she sees you as a friend with benifits? thats all bad.....i dont get it, you say asking out is highschool stuff, yet 4 years ago you two were in highschool right? if you think your in love with her, im sorry for you. ive been there done that with a woman who thought she loved some other guy, snap out of it we're young dont lose time loving a woman who will choose a guy who she has only known for a week.she's horny off her ass with lust for this guy and doesnt realize what she has with you and isnt worth the heart ache.but if you want her that bad then only your heart can help you out. trust me listen to it and not to your DICK........
     
  12. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    shes actually on this forum. we signed up together... she stopped posting and she doesn't know that i still do, its not like i hide it... she just never asked..
     
  13. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    well it still sounds like she doesnt care as much about you as you do for her.
     
  14. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    ok ok... let me clear something up. We were boyfriend and girlfriend (she asked me out because i had never heard of that before) in highschool. we graduated and thought lets break up because college may be tough... we stayed at home so we got back together... we were not going out... it's been one year since then... we've done the exact same thing that we've been doing... we'd say i love you every night. hold hands, kiss hug sex... the works... we were pretty much married. we were not friends with benefits, we were dating. She and I both knew that and it was clear. I am young but i have a lot more passion than most 80 year old war veterans
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    HI BG, yep there is a problem there.
    Sounds like you want her serious but she still wants space to test her own desires so clearly neither is on the same page.
    I know how hard and hurtful it is to give up a first love but frankly my feeling is you have to do so.
    Maybe and it is only maybe when you state your case for severing the "relationship" it may make her reconsider but I doubt it.
    Far better to stop now than force her reluctantly into a relationship that she may feel the need to cheat on. For both of you the timing is wrong.
    Do it dude; it will be painful initially but you will recover and eventually find someone more suitable. There are many women in the world so surely some for you.
    Wishing you all strength & luck.
     
  16. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    so then why doesn't she acknowledge that shes your girlfriend, whould of made it clear when you two got back together.....she might have taken advantage.
     
  17. BigGreekD

    BigGreekD Member

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    She says, if we were going out, she wouldn't have done it...

    Thanks for you're insight BW. I may take ur advice because it's just not the same anymore. It's hard for me to meet new people tho, i'm not very social. I go to places where the girls are actual whores and highschool is over so it's not like i can meet people there. I work on cars and play COD... College, its hard to meet someone there because its HUGE.

    Its also that, shes built into my life... my world is based on her. 4 years of being with her, she is naturally in my daily schedual... I'm going to weigh my options Thanks for everything guys. I seem like such a pussy but i really don't care, you guys are a bunch of strangers willing to help a pussy like me. So thanks guys haha.

    She fell asleep mid convo so i best be going to. I'll update i guess later... if anyone actually cares. haha for everyone else, thanks for the help.
     
  18. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    i know were you are, im outta college and about to be 23, i too work on cars. we've been together since the last two months of highschool. when i was away for school it was hard to break from our daily routine, but we got used to a new one when we graduated we got used to another one. i know what you mean if we were to break up it would be devastating and my life would feel awkward.and finding others is hard im not very social either and no one but her can hold a strong conversation with me and at bars/clubs everyone there is whoreing around.and now everyone cant and dont know how to live with out social networks. which we both decided to stop after all the highschool drama. but weigh your options and make your best and honest decision and dont regret it!! hope she doesn't make your heart blow like a Subie :eyes
     
  19. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    She fell asleep while you were talking to her?!
    I have to agree with Texas Red,it sounds like immature games.
    If you were having sex,sleeping at each other's houses,and saying I love you,she fucking KNEW what was up.She is using you not "asking her out" as some kind of lame excuse to cheat on you.
    Sorry dude,I don't want to sound harsh,but she is playing you.
     
  20. Kermit

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    No world should be based on anyone, if she leaves your world falls apart and from the sounds of it it's VERY likely