I have a hole that needs filling.

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Barbwire, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. Barbwire

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    I have a hole that needs filling, but I feel kind of like a loser for even mentioning it.

    See, for the past coupla years I have had a very active virtual sex life. At any given time I had a handful of men that I'd chat with via instant messaging, voice chatting and I even did a bit of camming.

    When I first started doing it, I admit to not telling my husband about it, but the guilt got to be too much and it was getting to the point where it wasn't worth it. Ironically, once I did talk it over with my husband and found out he was not only OK with it, but he actually wanted to know all the details, my pool of studs kind of dried up.

    The problem is, I seem to have lost my mojo for attracting new cyber lovers and its bringing me down. When I was cybering on a daily basis, my libido, ego, and overall state of bliss was pretty high, and now that its gone, I feel there's nothing but a hole where all that good stuff used to be.

    Another thing is, I used to write some really kickass stories about my sexcapades or about things that were inspired by them, but now, my erotica muse has all but split. I feel like a shell of my former self and my real sex life is being affected by it.

     
  2. Professor2277

    Professor2277 New Member

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    How could that possibly be?!?!
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Burnout?
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Nah, that's not it. I still wanna, but it seems the cyber stud well has run dry.

     
  5. cbrmale

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    I think the speed and the intensity of the current economic crisis may be having an effect on people's attitudes. Even if not affected directly by it, there's very few who would think that they couldn't be affected at some time over the next few years or however long it takes before recovery emerges. Perhaps worry, stress or anxiety is causing many to re-assess priorities in the short-term.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Well fuck! I never thought my pussy would be a victim of the shitty economy! Now I'm doubly depressed.
     
  7. Raspberry

    Raspberry Ms. Guileless

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    There might be a connection between your personal life issues and your libido for sex. The internet can be fun and entertaining sometimes but it shouldn't be a medium for you to get sexual satisfaction. Try to look DEEPER on the situation here, find out and assess what really is going on. I really find it amazing that your husband is perfectly fine and is very open to this little "sexcapade" of yours. To me, it connotes he is very open to any new ideas that might help both of you in regaining your active sex life, talk it out with him. He's all you've got, its one of the reasons why you married him in the first place.
     
  8. Barbwire

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    I realize my relationship with my husband is very unique and hard for most people to grasp, but it works for us. My husband understands I am a free spirit and I take great pleasure in interacting with other men in a sexual way, with the safety net of knowing that none of the things I pretend to do online will actually take place in real life.

    Its our kink. He's happy with it, I'm happy with it, and I feel no need to question it or change it.

    Oh, btw, Raspberry, how were you able to pay for a subscription to this site when Ryan has not had a way of doing that for quite some time? Seeing your name in purple just made me curious.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    I agree with Raspberry that strong sexual intimacy in real-life is a better alternative. I know I am lucky now, although I had my moments. And for a time I had to make do with sex that wasn't so good, although all other parts of my relationship were so brilliant that I never considered ending it. So I made up for what I was missing in other ways for a while, until I was able to improve things at home. So I understand how such things can come about, because I have been there myself.
     
  10. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Don't you just hate that!
     
  11. Barbwire

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    For me, the more orgasms and/or I have, the more I want. I look at cybering as a masturbatory aid. So, going with that, why would you expect me not to do it just because I have a husband to have sex with? Really, my cybering has done nothing but improve the sex I have with my husband and increase the frequency of it.

     
  12. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

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    CL-i doubt you have lost your mojo for attracting cyber studs....i for one am attracted to your personality (it comes out in what you post), your attitude and good god those sexy eyes!!! but in a way you may be right I am no cyber stud or regular stud for that matter...just an ordinary dude. Maybe there just aren't a lot guys out there right now that can "cyber"/communicate on your level, (that wouldn't be such a suprise). Good luck with your cybering as I am sure it is truely a wonderful experience to share with you.
     
  13. Raspberry

    Raspberry Ms. Guileless

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    Having that kind of relationship with your husband is really "one of a kind." I admire you guys for it. It's just that there are more things out there that you can do which could make your bond stronger and more intimate. Although you mentioned, the act itself, makes you crave for more orgasm and somehow enhance the frequency of sex between you two but it also has its own disadvantage -You become dependent to it. It boils down to the main issue, "I seem to have lost my mojo for attracting new cyber lovers and its bringing me down. When I was cybering on a daily basis, my libido, ego, and overall state of bliss was pretty high, and now that its gone, I feel there's nothing but a hole where all that good stuff used to be."

    There's really no harm in trying to engage in some other recreational activities which can be a HEALTHY source to regain your libido/state of bliss for sex. Just a suggestion though.
     
  14. Barbwire

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    Raspberry,

    I understand where you are coming from and I appreciate your feedback. I suppose I may have sounded a bit more dramatic than I intended in my first post. I do have other things I enjoy doing, things that make me happy. Unfortunately, most of those things revolve around warmer weather and we won't have that here for another couple of months.

    The winter time has always been a downer for me and cybering and the like always lifted my spirits. I don't really have that now, and I miss it.

    You haven't been around here long enough to "know" me or what I'm about. Maybe if you read a few of my writings in the erotica section, you'd see how much I enjoy wordsmithing. Cybering, writing, and good sex all go hand in hand for me. Analyze it all you want, but its just how it is.

    Oh, and Pappi, thanks for being so nice and wishing me luck.

     
  15. Raspberry

    Raspberry Ms. Guileless

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    There you go... nicely said girl! It's good to know about the other things you enjoy doing, makes the cybering act less exposed on the limelight. I've got nothing more to add but "Try to enjoy the cold season and I wish you luck on the warmer days. Just go for whatever it is that makes you happy."
     
  16. evman

    evman New Member

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    I think it's great that your husband is cool with it. Whatever works for you guys. You are actually very lucky. I'm sure you will have no problem finding men to attend to your cyber desires.
     
  17. Dreama

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    It sounds to me, CL, as if you're basing a large bit of your confidence and happiness on having people pursue you. I know you like the fun and the way it helps you as a masturbatory aid. But maybe you should put your concentration elsewhere for awhile and be happy with that thing. You're awesome even if people aren't trying to have cyber sex with you. Meanwhile, if you find new cyber lovers great! If not, it's no big thing. Conditions for happiness have to be flexible at times. Maybe I'm way off base, though...
     
  18. Barbwire

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    Dreama, please read what I wrote to Raspberry.

    All I'm saying is, I like to interact and have fun with men. I haven't been able to do that much lately, and I miss it. It's not the end of the world, for me and I didn't mean to sound like it was. I guess I should have not let my horniess word my initial post for me. LOL!

    Oh, and here's a shocker....to me, the act of cybering with men is only part of the fun I have. I really love men, I like the way they think, and I enjoy their company waaay beyond anything sexual that may happen between us. I won't cyber with guys that just show up at my virtual doorstep, I like to get to know them first and that process takes time.

    Other aspects that I love about virtual relationships are, my roles as counselor, confidante and friend to the men I talk to. I have been told time and time again that I have helped guys through some rough times, to understand women better, and in some cases, I've given them the tools they needed to make their real sex lives better.

    I seem to have a gift of some sort and I like to share that. It makes me feel good to know I'm helpful, entertaining, and exciting to my lovers.

    See?
     
    #18 Barbwire, Feb 19, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2009
  19. Dreama

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    Yes, I understand better now. But, just hang in there. Hopefully the dryer spell will hurry up and pass.
     
  20. Northside

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    I don't think it's a shocker that you like the company of men in non sexual ways. I always have a female friend or two who are totally platonic. More than one woman has told me that they like and trust men more than other women. I have one special lady friend who has confided in me that she was molested by her father when she was young. I've watched her destroy every romantic relationship she was ever in. People tell me we should hook up. I love this girl's company but I know that I'd lose her friendship soon after anything else developed. We laugh and truly have fun because there is no pressure or unrealistic expectations. My live in girlfriend knows her and knows that I spend time alone with this girl. I told her I knew her long before we met, if anything was going to happen it would have occurred long ago. My girlfriend knows she has to accept this and seems okay with it. My girlfriends female friends have seen me out with my friend and really try to create a problem for us. All they need to understand is, it's our business and none of theirs.