I find my self thinking about being with someone else...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by misfitcouple, Jul 1, 2007.

  1. misfitcouple

    misfitcouple New Member

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    I've been with my girlfriend for four years now. She is my first and only lover and my first long term relationship. I love her more than words can describe.

    In the past year things have only gone down hill though. Up until 2 months ago she had a nasty video game habit that took up ALL of her spare time(this lasted for about 7 months). This put a huge strain on us. I was feeling alone and frequently had thoughts of being with someone else. Aside from that she's incredibly selfish. Nearly all conversations with her stem from the sentence starting "I want..." She's lazy, will not help with any of our responsibilities and has poor hygiene. I have to tell her to brush her teeth or shower. Sex is sparse though we have weeks where we may do it 2 times if lucky. All of this is starting to ware on me...

    She has since stopped the video game addiction and we have our good days. But at this point I feel less like a partner and more like a parent because of her laziness and bad habits. I'm sick of taking care of another adult to this extreme. I used to think we'd be together forever. These days I don't know. I dread the though of having a child with her because I know I'd get to do all the work!

    We've had so many close calls with breaking up. But when it gets to that point there's never any talking. She just cries and I end up saying we'll work it out. That's how all of our serious conversations go. I either get silence or crying.

    I just don't know what to do any more.
     
  2. Bluesy

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    You have tell her to brush her teeth and shower?? Hon, do you think maybe your gf has some underlying issues that are causing her to be semi-dysfunctional? Could she be depressed? A person who has a hard time finding the motivation to brush their teeth does not sound like an entirely mentally stable person to me.

    You guys have been together for a little while, you've hit a rough patch, of course it's perfectly normal to fantasize about being with someone else. Of course you know, on a rational level, that having an affair would only make matters worse...It can be a form of escapism, a way to put off having to deal with relationship difficulties. Do what's best for both of you. If there's a solution to be had, find it, and things will get back to normal. If the situation is unworkable, or you've concluded that the two of you are never going to be soul mate material, ending the relationship would allow both of you the freedom to move forward and find other partners who are better suited for you. She may be clingy at the moment for reasons that don't even pertain to your relationship. She may be afraid to be alone, to start over...but people rarely uncover the inner strength they need to get it together and change for the better if they're allowed to remain in their comfort zone. Don't stay with her out of pity because neither of you deserves that.

    Give it some careful thought, maybe make a list of pros/cons, and then do what you have to do. Be courageous so someday you can look back and feel proud of the way you handled things.
     
  3. misfitcouple

    misfitcouple New Member

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    Thanks for the reply...

    The depression thing crossed my mind many times but I've come to the conclusion that she's just lazy. She's perfectly content with being that way too. I can only think it has something to do with her parents because her sister seems to be the same way.

    I would never cheat on her. I guess I should have been more clear. The thoughts I'm having involve us no longer being together. I just feel I'd be happier with someone who grew up when they were supposed to.
     
  4. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    Not being worried about hygiene dosen't seem like normal behaviour to me, seems that she doesn't care about herself anymore. I'm lazy but i still take pride in my appearance and try to look my best, for myself as much as for other people.
    You say its gone downhill recently, how was she before and do you have any idea of what has caused this change? Her behaviour (lack of hygiene, obsession with video games) doesn't seem like that of a content person to me.
    I'm glad to hear that you would not consider cheating, but if you are longer recieving anything from the relationship it does seem that you may be happier on your own/with someone else.
     
  5. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    hey wow its just so weird im having some what of the same problem only im the girl....haha! though i dont have poor hygine im just lazy. its because of my job though i work the night shift at mikky ds and am looking for another job. but getting a new job is hard. Id loves to talk to your more about this subject er problems because well its like me on the other side...lol it does sound horrible makes me admit that im not being very good to my bf

    But maybe we can help each other out
     
  6. misfitcouple

    misfitcouple New Member

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    Well I looked at your profile and your interests say: WoW. World of Warcraft is the video game responsible for really putting our relationship in the shitter. Since my SO has stopped playing that stupid game things have been better. All the other issues I listed have just been compounding for years. Now I don't want to deal with them any more. WoW was definitely the icing on the cake. :eyes

    My advice to you, stop playing the damn game and pay some attention to your bf. Put some effort into your relationship. Make him feel like you give a shit. Make him feel like you love him.
     
  7. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    LOl actually we play together! you shouldnt have to stop someone from doing something they enjoy why dont you try playing with her? i donno my problems are all over the place from yours we dont have that much sex im the one that wants it my bf plays on the computer alot more then i do all the electronics are mostly his haha
    he does know i love him i made him food just now haha!
    As far as letting him know i love him i do try to look better for him and so on.

    But as saying its my job that makes it difficult to be the person i want to be I work night shift im up all damn night, and at mikky ds you get food from there all the time and when your around that food all the time there are times you just want to eat on your break Ive tryed bringing foods to work but its just not that easy. I do eat salads and what not not but anyhow.

    I figured we could talk because im on the other side of whats happening to you.. I didnt say point a finger at me im the bad person i figured we could talk because it could help us both on better to be on nutrual grounds to talk and know in teh things we say arent going to hurt us that much because we arent in a the relationship

    I think you need to look into your relationship and see what you can do to help her out to feel more beautiful and needing to look gorgous for you. thats one thing i always think is i wish my bf would tell me im beautiful and he needed me and my moods would shift and i would feel the need to be more clean and so on haha. Your girl friend is probably depressed Maybe shes not happy with her relationship either
     
    #7 Kahurin, Jul 2, 2007
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2007