I Cheated

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by shortylikesitrough, Sep 18, 2011.

  1. shortylikesitrough

    shortylikesitrough New Member

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    A few weeks ago, I was at a get-together with some friends at their dorm. Wasn't a party, no alcohol, etc. There was this guy there who kept flirting with me, even though I made sure to flash him my promise ring from my boyfriend. It got later and later, and, because of the meds I'm on, my impulsivity started to kick in. I started to flirt with him more. I realized what I was doing and decided to leave, and he insisted on walking me to my car. He kissed me. And I kissed him back. I drove home, crying, thinking to myself, "What the fuck did I just do?" Last night, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend. He's so hurt, and it hurts me to see him hurt so much. He keeps asking why, and to be honest, I don't know why. We talked about it more today, and he's decided he won't break up with me, that we can fix this. But then tonight, he got really upset again. The night ended with both of us crying our eyes out and holding on to each other for dear life. Today was our 10 month anniversary, as well. I guess I'm just asking for help on what I can do to earn his trust back, how to make him feel better. I've promised him I won't ever do it again, but obviously he still can't trust me. I'm just at a complete loss right now. I don't know what to say or do. Not to mention how terrible I feel. I think we'll get through this, but it's taking so much out of us. I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. andretti

    andretti New Member

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    He should be grateful that:
    1. You only kissed the dude (you could have done much more)
    2. You instantly felt regret (there are other kinds of regret you could have felt)
    3. You were honest enough to tell him (a lot of gals wouldn't be that open)

    In short, he has a good thing in you. I hope he sees that side of it soon. Maybe remind him of those three things in a reassuring way. Then, you'll just have to let time heal the wound.

    Good luck.
     
  3. luvbug

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    I could sooooooooooo say something about this..but will refrain until I read what everyone has to say. I know how your guy feels tho. :(
     
  4. CaliMike

    CaliMike Member

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    You were honest with him. That's a good thing. Give him some time to think about that. Yes, it could have been worse, and he's going to have this incident in the back of his head for a while, so really take that into consideration when talking in the future. After a while, he should realize that you made a mistake and trust that you are sorry.
     
  5. almostthere

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    Hhhmmm, cheated ? Almost. It was only a kiss and you did the right thing by not letting it go further. I don't know if I would have told my SO
     
  6. CaliMike

    CaliMike Member

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    If nothing is said, and the SO finds out later, won't he be angrier at her for not disclosing?
     
  7. HardRocker

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    I was about to agree with that. Kick yourself and consider it a lesson learned, knowing how bad you feel ...
    ...but that's a good point too. Hopefully the bf is a forgiving type, but don't use the meds as an excuse, that won't help him regain the trust. And you'd be lying to yourself if you blame the meds too.
     
  8. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    I'd like to second the meds comment. Just my opinion, but sounds a little like an excuse. It was only a kiss, and you both should be able to get over that. My first thought was "A kiss? You're worried about a kiss?" But, I can see where it could go. Good luck!

    T
     
  9. Maverick

    Maverick Member

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    I've been cheated on so much, I just don't fucking care anymore. IMO, the best thing your man can do, is to shut his emotional attachment to you down, and just go with whatever feels good. You would have to rebuild and learn to flip that emotional switch again, but if you gave a shit, you would.

    And if he leaves you for it, I can't blame him. I'm in a different mindset now, but way back when I cared, I would have cried for days. Now, I just don't get attached, at all.
     
  10. ply

    ply
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    A kiss is a kiss, tell him to get over it or hit the road.

    Even President Billy said a kiss was not sex.

    Tell your BF that you did not have sexual relations with that man.
     
  11. octavius

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    I don't think you should have said anything. You felt guilty and the burden is on you to figure out what you want out of the relationship. Now he's injured too. Hopefully he can forgive and learn to trust you again.
     
  12. Alwayslearningsex

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    The best thing to do is to steer clear of potential situations as you know how vulnerable you can be, meds and the condition you have.
    Set a good pattern that will be trustworthy. It's a good that you feel shitty even if you could have done more, keep this in memory and remember it when you may be close to do something regrettable.
     
  13. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    its not going to be easy for him to forgive. now when he kisses you he's going to think about you kissing the guy. he might feel like you don't respect the relationship or him as a person. when you go out drinking he's going to wonder what you end up doing. you can promise him not to do it again, but in reality, you made that promise when you agreed to go out with him and you broke it. its a hairy situation. one hand its a kiss, on the other you betrayed him. it all comes down to his feelings towards you, you've done all you could do by being honest. just have to wait.
     
  14. shortylikesitrough

    shortylikesitrough New Member

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    Thanks for all your input. As of right now, he's forgiven me, and I'm so glad. I still feel guilty though.
     
  15. cowboyup

    cowboyup Member

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    he shoulda slapped the hell out of you and then called it a day, then you both could feel bad about something then have some great make up angry sex!!!!!

    or...........maybe he should cum in your mouth, take you to find the guy and have you kiss him after he just came in your mouth..... that would be some funny ass shit
     
  16. octavius

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    This is very good advice.
     
  17. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    People in happy relationships don’t cheat... no matter what they tell you.

    Don’t look at what you did.. but look at why you did it. Cheating is an indication of a much bigger problem.. much like coughing and sneezing is the symptom of a cold.

    Was it a mistake? Or was it your sub conscious telling you that you want more out of your life than what you have.

    I've been cheated on.. and I have cheated.. so I can honestly tell you it’s not the opportunity that is the catalyst for the event. It's a culmination of needs not being met and a desire for something more than what you have.

    Let this not be a lesson on virtues of monogamy, but a wakeup call to what you really want in a relationship. You may want to reconsider that promise ring. Just because he is ready for a commitment doesn’t mean that you are. So don't feel guilty for going after what makes YOU happy.. even if it breaks his heart. Trust me, you will both be happier people for it in the long run.
     
  18. ply

    ply
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    That's bullshit. People play around for fun all the time. Often people that are perfectly happy and have no interest in hurting or losing their significant other

     
  19. AGFUNK

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    Playing around for fun should always be talked about within the relationship and not going behind their back. That's not a happy relationship if someone wants to be with someone else without letting their SO know about it. Going behind their SO back will hurt them almost every single time.
     
  20. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    Exactly what AGFUNK said..



    Ask any therapist and they will tell you the same thing. When a couple is trying to get through a case involving infidelity, they always treat the causes of the infidelity rather than focusing on the act itself. You cant't un-fuck someone.. but if you dont fix what the cause of the cheating was, you risk repeating the behavior.

    Which is my point from the beginning. If you are wanting to be with another person outside of your relationship, then your needs are not being met.
    The hard part is figuring out what exactly those needs are, since other intimacy and other needs can easily be misinterpreted as sexual needs.