I cant make my wife cum

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by tryingdave, Jan 16, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. tryingdave

    tryingdave New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    We've been together for 8-9 years and I found out recently that I can't give her an orgasim. She claims I have but I suspect I haven't. We have tried all types of positions, oral, masturbation, I even bought a toy that I thought would help us out, no luck. She says that shes just one of those girls that has a hard time reaching orgasim. Is this posible? I feel like such a failure, we were both virgins when we meet and have no experience with anybody else so I don't know if I'm just a shitty lover or what. Now last night she says "we should take the night off". well we just had two nights off, whats up with that. I went to bed, she stayed up to watch TV. I guess the Tv brings her more pleasure then me.

    Anyone have anything to say that might help?
  2. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Dave, Their is women that has a hard time having an orgasm.
    I have a couple of questions for you.
    1 Do you enjoy having sex with her even though S doesnt cum.
    2 Does She enjoy sex with you.
    3 Do you cum all the time.
    4 Do you make LOVE before sex.
    5 How long on average does it take you to quit.

    If you answer all the questions truthfully
    you will get all kinds of input.:sf

  3. tryingdave

    tryingdave New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    #1 I'd enjoy sex much more if I could give her an orgasim, but I do enjoy it.

    #2 She says she enjoys it, even without the orgasim. but also told me it would be nice to cum together.

    #3 I usually cum myself.

    #4s a hard one, I'd say sometimes.

    #5, well sometimes I can't last but a few minutes, othertimes I have gone for well over an hour to no avail, only stoping because I'm phyically exhasted.
  4. cbrmale

    cbrmale Gold Member

    Messages:
    3,280
    Likes Received:
    109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Photos:
    2
    I'm diametric to you, I've had lots of lovers, and from exprience I can say that some women are really hard to bring to orgasm, and others are real easy. The hard women are always hard, no matter what. The readily orgasmic women typically learned orgasm through masturbation before they had sex.

    First up, talk about this with your wife, and how much you would like to enhance the experience for her and yourself. I learned oral sex in my early days by getting a woman to masturbate for me, and for me to imitate her stroke, place and pressure. This might do the trick, if your wife will do this for you.

    At the end of the day, it is not up to a man to give a woman an orgasm, he can only help her. A woman's orgasm is a two-way street, she has to be willing to show you and help you find the right buttons to push, and to help you on the journey. All this does not mean you are a shitty lover, just that most likely both of you haven't been communicating sex, and are now moving into an uncomfortable space.

    My wife had some sexual issues, and we watched some videos Dr. Sandra Scantling's Ordinary Couples, Extraordinary Sex series which got her less passive (and made her pretty hot too). This may work, if you talk to your wife about using such material to learn what (literally) ordinary couples do to have good sex.

    Start the communication, try some new ideas, and you will both get there.
  5. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wales
    I think one of the most important things to find out is if she can bring herself to orgasm. If she can then as cbrmale said maybe gtting her to masturbate for you would help you to learn how she likes it etc. If not then maybe she has some issues with sex that are preventing her from reaching orgasm.
    I personally have never had an orgasm with a partner and also find it very difficult to bring myself to orgasm. Im my case it is because i find it difficult to relax and be completely comfortable with a partner, i put up barriers to it. You have been with your wife a long time so it wouldnt be the same but there may be some issues there from her past. Maybe it would be worth asking her why she feels that she doesnt cum.

    And i would say definitely dont feel a failure. Just because she isnt getting an orgasm it doesnt mean that she doesnt enjoy sex and it doesnt mean that she doesnt get satisfaction from it.
  6. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,364
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Virginia
    Might be a good idea for her to go see a female gynacologist who could check her out and make sure everything works properly. I have heard that sometimes there might be a problem in which there might be something not working well for some reason in a medical, physical sense. If there are no medical problems, she might just need to see a specialist (and they do exist) who can help her (in a legitimate medical way of course) learn to cum, discovering what "trips her trigger" so to speak. I have heard of women going through that process and starting to have orgasms.
  7. cbrmale

    cbrmale Gold Member

    Messages:
    3,280
    Likes Received:
    109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Photos:
    2
    A gynacologist my help, but I've had sex with women who have taken literally half an hour of my very expert attentions to come, and boy when they come they come! One of these was a fuck buddy a few years ago, and it was the same every time I had sex with her. Long lead-up and big orgasm with ejaculation, and she said she's always been like that.

    My SO on the other hand, I gotta slow her down 'cause she would come in a couple of minutes, I use my fingers inside her to feel the tension and then I draw her out a bit to make it better. It was strange to be alternating between these two women at the same time.
  8. igor

    igor Gold Member

    Messages:
    4,092
    Likes Received:
    122
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    TryingDave: First, don't blame yourself. I would ask this - does she masturbate? If so does she orgasm then? I always say that a partner can't make someone orgasm if they can't do it theirself. Remember that the majority of women can only orgasm via clitoral stimulation - maybe she's one of those. I am curious to know why it has taken 8 or 9 years for you to find this out from her.
  9. QuestionMarc?

    QuestionMarc? New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA!
    I don't think sex is the problem. Try getting the book "The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage".
  10. Staypuff

    Staypuff New Member

    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Does she take any medication?
  11. tryingdave

    tryingdave New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    her sex drive went way up after she stopped taking the pill after I got a vasectomy(best thing i ever did) no other meds. Honestly after being here a few days reading all types of things, I think maybe I(or we) need to improve my(our) tecnique some. We come very close to our goal quite often but just can't seem to get to the peak. Unfortunetly my wife came down with a yeast infection a couple of days ago so we'll have to wait probably a few more days before we can take another shot at it.

    We'll get it. we're both wanting to resolve this issue I guess you could say, so its only a matter of time. Besides trying is fun too.
  12. SexyScorp

    SexyScorp Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Did you ever try a sex toy......?

    I believe they intensity and quicken the orgasm....

    Maybe worth a try
  13. SexyScorp

    SexyScorp Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Ooooops sorry about that guys!!!!
  14. msduncan

    msduncan Member

    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nebraska
    If the problem isn't emotional, which part of it might be (and especially if you are having friction over the issue) do what I recently did:

    I bought a Hitachi Magic Wand and a G-spot attachment. I let her drive it and she, after 8.5 years of marriage, suddenly found her g-spot. The sex since has been almost nightly.... and she even thinks about it during the day. Of course we incorporate it into our sex -- foreplay, then wand, then sex. it's worked wonders!
  15. phantom

    phantom New Member

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    indiana
    vibrator

    I've managed to have a few encounters in my time and I have never met a woman who didn't love a vibrator. Some I introduced to it, but most had one or two in the nightstand.

    It also helps with the big O. Get a little KY and go for it.

    Good luck.
  16. tryingdave

    tryingdave New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    so we finaly did it. My birthday was on the 1st this month, I drank quite a bit and it really numbed me up. Well round one went okay but just didn't make it. We were lying in bed about to fall asleep and I spooned up next to her(this always makes me horny) and I started rubbing her, well next thing you now were at it again and for quite awhile too. Well she told me she was cumming and it set me right off, it was great. she couldn't even move after.
  17. tryingdave

    tryingdave New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Just want to say thanks to everyone here for being understanding and helpful, been learning alot around here.

    Thanks!
  18. tryingdave

    tryingdave New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    well we were both virgins when we met and I had no clue as to what a female orgasm was like. Many times I thought she was having orgasms but because she was raised in a pretty conseritive household shes had problems talking strait up about sex.
    I've felt I've always had a problem lasting, something we both get a laugh about sometimes when I cum after a very short time(usualy a Al Bundy joke). So one night after a very short lovemaking sesion I said to her"you know I have a orgasm almost every time we have sex, how often do you have them?" Well her lack of reponse said it all. so I said" when was the last time?" she says"uhhh" so I say "have I ever" "oh of corse honey" she said. But I knew better at this point. Thats when I made it my mission to accompish this goal. We did make it. I have at least One Confirmed orgasm and I think that we might just be getting the hang of it.

    Gotta go shower, goin' to try again tonight!

    Hell we're not going to try, we're going to do it! :dgrin
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.