I am a fairly sexually demanding partner. I enjoy indulging my fetishes (dress up, foot fetish, role play, but nothing demeaning, painful, etc) and I like kinky sex. I cannot say I feel entirely free and uninhibited about my sexuality, but I do ok. While I am demanding, I also give everything I can, considering my partners needs more than my own. My partner is not naturally so forthright and adventurous. I must give her credit for having tried some of my suggestions, and she often does things for my sake, something I am glad about, but I feel as though I am always taking the lead. She does nothing that surprises me. She is well aware of what turns me on, but she makes no attempts to seduce me. She very rarely instigates sex. I think she often feels embarassed or awkward about sex and her body, and says that she doesnt know what to do. She makes no requests of me, other than asking me to lick her nipples. She makes no new suggestions. Most of the time when we have sex, maybe 90 percent of the time, I am on top. I enter her and from then I have little choice but to do whatever makes me feel good. Little eye contact. Little use of hands. Very little movement. When she is on top, she moves somewhat mechanically, and I still somehow end up doing a lot of the work. She doesnt consider what kind of movement makes me feel good, or what makes her feel good. She doesnt seem to know what makes her feel good. She doesnt often rub her clit or do much to please herself. I feel like what we do is not quite 'fucking' because I cannot connect with her on a raw physical level. Its not quite 'love making' because I think that she has too much resistance inside herself to be in the moment. Its more than just boring old 'sex' though. When we first started having sex, quite soon after entering her she would be asking me to come because she just wanted it to be over. I told her that I felt strange about this because it didnt seem like she was enjoying sex, and she was only doing it for me, and I dont want things to be that way. She stopped saying it after that. She is Japanese. I wonder if she is just enduring for my sake (those of you who understand ‘gaman’ and ‘ganbaru’ might know what I mean). Im bored. Im frustrated from what feels like waiting for her to catch up. Im sick of initiating sex, of being the one who makes suggestions, of taking the lead. I want to be lead, feel excited, be pushed, but I feel like I am always pulling her along. I have considered getting a book on making love, seduction, etc. She seems open to the idea, but she wont do any of the work herself. I can only find books in English and she doesnt want to read them because she couldnt be bothered reading English, yet she wont look for a book in Japanese. I would try to find a book in Japanese, but I dont speak Japanese well enough to research a topic like sex in any detail. (Any Japanese/Japanese speakers here who might know of a good book, please suggest!) Outside sex, she is by far the kindest girl I have known. She is so generous and she really loves and adores me. I havent talked with her about this stuff in as much detail as I have here in this post. I feel afraid of how she might respond. If I did, I think she would make a very big effort to change herself, and that is not what I want. I dont want her to be what I want; I want her to be who she is. I havent had so many sexual partners, and this is the longest relationship I have had. My other long term partner also had certain personal issues around sex, so we only went so far together. I would like to experience a broad range of sexual experiences, but I wonder, is it just me trying to unrealistically live out fantasies? Or do I simply need to find the right partner who takes the same approach to sex that I do? So many people, so many different needs and wants; I dont expect to get a definitive answer from anyone here, but it might help me if I had a broader understanding of women and their ideas about sex. I hope to get a broad range of responses that might help me get closer to the core of what the answer for me is. Eighteen months… I feel that I have been pretty patient. What can I do? Experience in other life matters has shown me that I cant change other people. Is there something I can change in myself? Or should I just accept things at face value and resolve myself to the fact that her needs and mine differ?