i am lonely

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by longnstrong, Feb 26, 2005.

  1. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    Hay I have some problems that add up to one big problem. The first one I am a new jersey-ian and being so gives me a complex called sarcasm. Lately I have finally realized that women hate sarcasm.

    I am more or less a loner but when I do have something to say it is usually not serious and has a hint of sarcasm in it. That is good when I am around my Italian friends (the Italians brought sarcasm across the pond from Italy along with tomato sauce, wife beaters, and the Pontiac firebird). But more or less I like being quiet and just being around people I like with out talking.

    Next problem is that I am not that attractive (I am either on the ugly side of pretty or the pretty side of ugly) so a girl is not going to look much past my personality to be with me.

    So all this combines into a man that most women don’t want anything to do with, and those that do are very hard to find, you know since girls like to talk and no one wants to have sex with an asshole like me.

    Now I started realizing how close my sisters are to their female friends, and all the dull b.s that they talk about. And then I realized that I could act more like my sister’s friends then the way that my friends act like when they are trying to pick-up a girl. Basically what my sister’s friends talk about is how nice each other looks and how they feel. It appear to be more to it then that but the two things I did notices is that they don’t make jokes about themselves nor each other, which is usually 95% of what I usually say.

    So what I am trying to ask is, is it worth it for me to act more like a girl just to meet girls and slowly convert back into me, or is there something else I should me looking into doing?
     
  2. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    Longnstron,

    No, You are not a girl, do not try to act like a girl. Instead take the positive part of the message you have gleaned from observing the girls behaviour. Be Nice, Be Polite and Be Gentlemanly. Compliment women when compliments are due, be politely critical when criticism is due.

    Appearance is a minor part of dating. If you work on your dialogue, your speech, and are confident in yourself, you can date any woman in the world regardless of physical appearance. You might have to work a little harder to get the initial interest, that is your burden to carry, but if you treat women as people, show true interest in their interests and are polite, you will find plenty of women willing to overlook what you consider to be a negative physical appearance.

    Kbate
     
  3. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    the thing is i do treat girls like everyone else. i talk to them like I do my buddies, I try to make them laugh. even if it means taking a cheap shot at mine or their expense, even if I do like what they are wearing (for the most part i don’t care). I cant figure out what else to say to them with out being cheesy or too tooo serious, intellectual, and boring. I cant find that gray area. I don’t know how to impress a lady when i first meet them. and i don’t know what the girls who like me saw in me (clueless make any sense out of it). i have gotten a lot of girls that i think are out of my league, but i have a hard time getting some one that i think is more in my league or below it.
    I think my real problem is I don’t think about what the other person might think of me if i say something. and once you take away my sarcasm away i don’t know what to say.
    and this is another question isn’t being an asshole, (such as my self and for example; Howard sten, Andrew dice clay, Garfield, among other smart ass out there) is more of an east coast thing with it's center in new York-new jersey area. it is less tolerated as you move father west and is dead once you get around cali. yes?
     
  4. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    Girls are not your "buddies," and the zinger that your regular drinking pals think is a hoot may be completely offensive to a woman.

    Not knowing what to say? Welcome to the world of dating. Nobody has ever perfected the "opening" line. Look on any chat or online board and you will find a thread or thirty asking how to "open" the discussion with the opposite sex. If you do find the right answer, patent it immediately.

    Sarcasm is fine at times. Rarely will sarcasm work as a basis for a relationship. You have to have substance, and true interest in her life. Sarcasm usually indicates that you do not really care about what she thinks and would rather just cut the conversation short with a joke.

    The guys who get the girls are the ones with the ability to talk. You might meet them and get a date or two, but if you cannot carry a conversation, you will be limited to dull witless women.

    Got to run. My love is coming home today and I haven't cleaned a thing since last Sunday.

    Kbate...
     
  5. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    the 2 girls that i have been the closes to were actually very interesting and smart. and sometimes funny. but they were alot like me, abscent the saracsm. they were exetremely nice girls who were funny at times but mostly quit. most of our conversation were about things like religion and art and culture, philosphy, spell check, grammer,etc..... the funny thing was they wer both atheist or agonistic like me, and they both had germen roots (secound thought kbate you maybe you were right bout the dull and boring part).
    but these women are rare and hard to find, so i need to change so i can be more desireable to more members of the opposite sex.

    from what i think i might be doing wrong from what you are telling me is i am being too modest, too much of a downer. i need to be more confident and not tell her about my skinny dick till later in the day.
    it is just so hard because i am so use to either being too deep and bringing up stuff that are downers. or trying to make her laugh by making fun of my race or how i look or something along those lines.
    is it safe to just ask questions about her.
     
  6. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    Sorry about the highlighting the misspellings ... :)... I am still unsure if this makes me a bitch or not. Perhaps you can help me with that question?

    You should simply ask questions about her, her interests, and her friends interests. There is rarely need to bring up your long thin cock in conversation unless she asks specifically about your manly member. If she asks questions about you, your looks, your race, whatever, just answer them. There is no need to be intentionally funny, your humour will come out naturally.

    Why would a woman spend time with you if you started talking about things that were "downers." That is something that turns me off almost instantly. I do not want a troubled person in my life, nor do I date to be told about the bad sides of the world. I don't want politicians, or religious nuts and I don't want to hear a diatribe on the state of the world. Just talk about the sights, the weather, my job, your job, your favorite color, etc. Thre is no need to tell a woman your whole philosophy of life on the first date.

    kbate
     
  7. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    Old longnstrong: correcting another’s spelling does not make you a bitch. Being from a red state, that is what makes you a bitch.

    New longnstrong: no not after all the help you have given me in the past I could never call you a bitch for that reason. I am sure there are other reasons though.
    Why do you have that particular actress in your avatar is she a female lesbian or just one of those regular lesbian (inside joke).

    Okay, I know that the substance sucks but is the philosophy behind it good?
    And part of the reason why I bring those deep subjects up is because I don’t look like the type that would know that type of stuff, so I thought that would give me some points. You know I might be kinda ugly but at least I am not stupid type points.
     
  8. Logger

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    Dear Long and Strong,

    Sarcasm alleviates boredom. So maybe find some other ways to alleviate boredom.

    I try to ask people questions. I busy my mind coming up with conversation starters.

    Many women like to talk, provided somone is listening to their feelings, rather than thinking up sarcastic remarks.

    There are phrases to use to indicate you are listening to the young lady, called Active Lisatening. Essentially you paraphrase what you understood the person to say, and how it relates to the context of the conversation. "So you would like to go to a movie more often than you have been going recently?"

    Or, "So you feel X is Good, Bad, Ineffective, Important, Unimportant?"

    Another way to acknowledge a person's ideas, is to desribe the extremes of the concepts, and say, "A is too much, and B is not enough?"

    Just ask any attractive clerk or waitress what time she gets off work, and come back and offer her a ride home. What kind of car do you have? Do you have the passenger seat clean?

    Just be neat and clean, don't worry about what others might not view as overly attractive. After you do some things for a young lady, she will start to think you look swell. Men don't have to be pretty, just powerful. Power is the aphrodesiac, more than appearance.

    Blessings
     
  9. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    Yeah, i think this is getting back to the my major probelm. it is not as thoguh i hate talking to girls, i dislike talking to anyone. but i like being around people, i like the city cause one is around a large group of people that you wont have to talk to. but the probelm is i love sex and i like hanging with girls. and a guy that follows @ pretty girl without talking to them are not called boyfriend they are called stalkers.

    so i need to learn, some how the proper way of doing something i hate.

    kbate is this funny: me and my girl were in the airport talking i said something she said was nasty (i think it was 'i like my pussy like i like my steak bloody'). she says 'that is nasty' i says to her "nasty,unlike you, i never sucked on a dudes dick before, so how can i be the nasty one." none the less she found both statement so amusing that her laughing cause her to tear up. now how much does a girl have to care about me to find those statements funny, we talking hours or days. and just because a girl laughs does it mean that she actually finds it funny
     
    #9 longnstrong, Feb 27, 2005
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2005
  10. Logger

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    There are courses that teach this. some cost $200. Some chepaer, some more. Sit down with the phone book for an hour, and see what recommendations you get. Check back. I have taken some cheap classes and some expensive classes. Compare ideas on options you discover. If you are near NYC, then your options are many.

    More basic than conversational phrases, there are some skills of feeling comfortable with yourself, in a calm state of mind. You can practice meditation for free. Practice paying attention to your breathing, and feel calm.

    I have lived for a short time in NYC, and understand the culture of sarcasm. Part of your sarcasm may be a habit that you need to change. Some habits are easier to change than others. You can develop your own conversational exercises, when you meet clerks or fast food order takers. Practice striking up a conversation, or embarrassing them with compliments.

    When you meditate, envison that women enjoy talking to you. Envision that you can think of something kind or positive, or relating to feelings, that you can make comments to keep the conversation going. I have had to struggle with conversation with women. I used to be more sarcstic.

    Post back some conversational successes and failures. Make this thread your home work.

    For a man in mixed company, I would recommend dropping the B word. It tends to imply that any complaint by a woman, is invalid. You can ask Ryan to edit the B words out for you. One secret that it took me a while to learn was that if a woman makes a small request, you can make points by fulfilling small and medium sized requests. Have you ever heard of a Love Bank? You make deposits of Loving Actions so you will build a potential for loving back from your lover. Here is a Link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html

    I would also drop the word "Girl" from your vocabulary, except for young children. Respect is an issue for many young women. Girls is probably OK with macho guys, but you will lose points in mixed company. It is important not to lose points with your lover's friends, also. You could do better with a loving, complimenting vocabulary. G*RL and B*TCH don't make points.

    I searched Yahoo for Dating on Demand, and found this site, guygetsgirl. com: Link: http://www.guygetsgirl.com/index7.htm

    Says it covers conversation with a woman.

    Blessings
     
    #10 Logger, Feb 27, 2005
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2005