Husband passed away.... want fwb but too scared?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by bigred78, Sep 15, 2017.

  1. bigred78

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    I'm not trying to bring y'all down by my post, but hoping to find some insight and perhaps advice. My husband passed away 15 months ago from cancer. I'm still very much in the grieving stages, and miss him so much it hurts. Lately, I have been feeling very lonely in all ways, but mostly sexually. I've started to feel sexual again, very horny (which is what led me here) and think I want to have a sexual relationship with someone. I got so close as posting an ad on Craigslist looking for a FWB. After sorting through the creepers, I found someone that seemed very nice, respectful and that I'd enjoy being with. But, I couldn't do it! I chickened out of even meeting him for lunch, something totally innocent. Ugh.

    My question is - how have you moved on from a past marriage, relationship, etc to a new one without being a total chicken like me?

    Thanks in advance for any input!
     
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  2. afunk13

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    First I am so sorry for your loss. Second maybe you are just not completely ready to have any kind of relationship just yet. I would suggest something other than craigslist though. Try adult friend finder. I haven't had to go through what you're going through but just take it slow and easy.
     
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  3. bigred78

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    Thank you so much, I really appreciate your words!
     
  4. MariaMaria

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    Sorry for your loss. I haven't gone through your experience, so all I can offer is that it sounds like you might need more time to go through with this. It's ok, there's no need to judge yourself as a chicken. You feel a need, you bravely took steps to provide that for yourself and well, in the end, you might not be ready just yet. Be gentle and patient with yourself in the meantime :)
     
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  5. whybother

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    Sorry for your loss. Hope you work it all out.

    Sorry that I can't. Be of help.

    You could start with some cyber sex. It can be quite fun.
     
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  6. bigred78

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    Thank you all so much. :)
     
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  7. lbushwalker

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    The answer is yes but due to different circumstances, but I am a dude and society seems to hold duplicity on this issue.
    I can fully understand your need which have been dormant for perhaps so long and perhaps like the FWB I first hooked up with, you thought possibly your libido would never recover but over time the sneaky devil did as nature intends!

    In my case it was with an old time friend who found herself in a similar sexually barren environment and so we consoled each other until a point was reached of intimacy. From there it built exponentially to an animal lust seemingly insatiable then over months settled into more routines. In the end I broke it off because she developed a deep love for me and making all sorts of plans for which I had no true desire.
    This hurt her deeply but she has accepted that we are not compatible in all aspects and now we are back to being friends again and she has a guy in tow to satisfy those non sexual, non sensual needs that I could not or more precisely would not.
    Win-win ;)
     
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  8. Ryan4chat

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    Hi,
    I'm sorry for your loss, as well. Everything you are feeling is natural an there no easy way to move on from someone being taken away.

    My best n closest friend is a widow as she lost her husband of 25 years from cancer an I've seen an helped her through through many struggles. It's been many many years since, so I can only offer advice from the supportive side. I guess it's like finding a balance of honoring all your memories with him, an not forgetting but not dwelling, not letting it pull you down, or keeping you from trying to be happy. Burying it, just means it can comeback later to deal with it then. There's no one way that works for everyone, we all morn or deal with loss in our own way. Time helps, with also just making sure you're working through it, even just in baby steps.
    There maybe be or will be times you'll feel completely fine, but then out of the blue either a trigger or no reason, it can hit you an feel like it happened yesterday. Like, really hurt... :eek: It's just the natural course of these emotions an memories showing how much you loved him.
    It can take a long time, but it can feel better little by little.

    Maybe find another way to meet someone than Craigslist, that's your call. I'll sure even with 15 months, everything is pretty fresh even though that could be perceived as a long time.

    Take your time, breathe, an you will find someone as either FWB, or maybe more.
    Take care....

    Oh, you're not being chicken, just cautious.. :oops::D
     
    #8 Ryan4chat, Sep 16, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2017
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  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    Sorry for your loss, only time helps.
    I only have one idea here. to meet somewhere public to see how you feel meeting someone.
    Take the time to talk. Maybe it will lead to sex on the same day or later, or nothing at all.

    Let your instinct and "feelings" guide you. If nervous in a good way, work through it.
    Saying from experience, I've had to work through some nervousness before and it ended up nice.
     
  10. Candela

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    I am so sorry for your loss xo
     
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  11. conal25

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    Sorry to here hope your ok. Drop me a pm. Can talk to you.
     
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  12. SuperDilf

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, please don't go on Craigslist trying to find a FWB, it's dangerous as heck. I would look for a safer alternative and I would also consider a therapy/ support group to help cope with your loss. And go slow, don't outpace you're own healing process.
     
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  13. HazHardHat

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    incredibly sorry for your loss. I'll reiterate what many are saying here and take as long as you need. I'll also agree that Craigs List may not be the best option. If looking for a relationship/companionship/etc as well as sex I'd suggest https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/ that is not just for hookups though, more relationship based, so that may not be your desire right now. Hope you enjoy your time here and a warm welcome to you :)
     
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  14. JudeHara

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    I am so sorry for your loss dear. Regardless of what you do, you've made a good start reaching out in a safe environment like SF :). Nice to meet you
     
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  15. sensless

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    Sorry for your loss.

    I think you just need more time.

    Before meeting someone, inform yourself very well about sexually transmitted diseases. A beautiful face and good manners don't mean a man doesn't have a STD.

    Perhaps you should try a real dating site, when you're ready.

    Assume everything you're told online that you can't verify is a lie.
     
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  16. Alwayslearningsex

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    SuperDilf, I don't want to veer off the original subject, but I realise we live in different parts.
    I met 2 good FWB on craigslist. You are probably correct though, being a risky site to meet a good person.
     
  17. SuperDilf

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    Craigslist is just not set up to produce quality partners.
     
  18. Alwayslearningsex

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    Most of the time, I totally agree.
    There are exceptions, I met my FWB, things were going nicely until I had to uproot where she could not follow me.
     
  19. SuperDilf

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    Sorry to hear, looks like you got quite a bit of good advice so far. I wish you luck and solice.
     
  20. Logger

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    Big Red 78,

    As I read your post, it seems you are feeling hesitant about contacts with other men, to take a risk on a new relationship.

    I was just looking for someplace to post my idea of Love in making out with my wife. I was thinking of say to her, "I really enjoy the way your clit gets hard when I move my finger gently alongside." does that seem insensitive? What about pleasuring yourself? When I was single, I used to masturbate every morning, so I could stay in control.

    My feeling is that it is alright to take your time meeting with other people.

    Best wishes whatever you decide.