Human urges and stuff

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Icebat, Jul 4, 2011.

  1. Icebat

    Icebat Member

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    Wasn't sure where to post this so I ended up on this forum and registered.
    Anyway, my story is as follows: I've lost my virginity only about 6 months ago. And I'm a 28 years old male.

    Yeah I know it's late, I should have fucked earlier bla bla bla well I guess I'm just a late bloomer.
    Well the thing is, I never really looked for a relationship. I'm not a loner though: I enjoy seeing my friends, doing sports and stuff like that but I simply am not ready for a relationship. Not ready at all. It might come later, but not now.

    So my friends once adviced me to at least try a relationship before dismissing it. To at least know if I'm really not ready for it. So I did. Met a nice girl who I thought was beautiful and nice. We were together for about 1 month and yeah well I finally lost my virginity. It was starting to piss me off being a virgin I gotta admit. For a dude, being virgin at my age automatically makes you a loser in society's eyes even if I find that idea ridiculous.
    But I just felt that it wasn't working out. The sex was good and all, but I really didn't feel the need to see her more. It even bothered me to see her on some days. I wasn't in love.

    So we broke up. And I don't miss the relationship part. But I'm not gonna lie: I do miss the sex sometimes. It's not like I'm frustrated and wanna hump every girl I see, but well I do miss it sometimes. Just purely the physical part. Not the emotional one.

    I'm not sure how to handle this. Yes I know you can play with mrs Right Hand but it's not the same. For starters, I'm left handed (ololol Im funneh) secondly, it just doesn't feel the same than fucking a woman.

    I can hear you say "go pluck some girl in some dancing and do her!" Yeah. No. I'm really not that type of person. I'm not a player at all. I'm also not the type of person to lie to a girl and tell her that I love her and want a relationship with her just so I can bang her and dump her afterwards. I respect women more than that.

    "friends with benefits"? Would be great. Except it's not like you can get one of those as easily as going to the grocery store and buying an apple. I mean seriously, how do you even start looking for a FWB? You just walk up to a girl and say "hey, I think you're hot. Wanna be my fuckbuddy?"

    Plus, I'm horribly shy around women. I'm not bad looking but I'm cripplingly shy around women.
    A very good female friend of mine said something that made me think. She said "dude, you're a good looking guy, you have those big beautiful blue eyes, have an atheltic physique and your looks would work with you, but you really lack self-confidence and that makes it very hard"
    And I think she's right. I'm not just shy. I lack self confidence. It probably is one of those results that come from having my parents divorced at 7 years of age (didn't have a miserable childhood though, but the divorce hit me very hard for a bunch of years) but the fact is: I lack self confidence, especially around women. And I'm shy.

    I also don't have a lot of sexual experience. I fucked my ex twice. That's all so I'm probably still a complete, unconfident newb when it comes to that.

    I don't know what to do. One part of me doesn't want to get a relationship. One part of me doesn't wanna feed bullshit to a girl just so I can bang her. The other part reminds me I'm a human and that I want to have sex sometimes. Just purely for the lust and physical pleasure.

    And another problem is that I don't know anything about women. I can't pick up the signals they give, I'm too inexperienced for that.

    I know this is a really bizarre question and go ahead, laugh with me if you want. it's not like I give a shit. But I'm kinda in an annoying situation and I don't really know what to do. Anyone recognizes this?
     
  2. Trond

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    Hmmm. Tricky. I recognize parts of it for sure. I used to be very shy around women, and I have had a tendency to keep to myself. A girl once told me that I rarely look people in the eye when talking to them. I'm much better now, but still not the greatest charmer.

    The biggest difference between me and you is that I always wanted romance, to such a degree that I'm frankly not sure if I understand you. You want sex. That's natural. You respect women; and that's great. But you never feel any romantic attraction?

    I think it is commendable that you don't want to break anybody's heart, so I have to ask: is prostitution legal where you live? Be very careful about that kind of thing, but if you could find a nice call girl who takes care of her own (and customers') health, then that could be an option.

    Of course, the best option would be to find someone special for yourself, but you don't seem that interested.
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Hi Icebat,
    Common enough situation but sit down and think things through a bit ok?
    Ok you are apparently a pretty neat looking dude, that is a good start now you got to really believe it.
    Secondly you do not seek a realtionship of any kind other than sexual.
    That for a guy of you age is kind of strange but not strange in context of your experience of family break up in your formative years. That dude is your biggest issue and perhaps you need to seek some professional counseling.
    As for shyness with girls, well again that probably stems from fear and as you mention lack of confidence which also means not being comfortable with yourself.
    FWB only come to those with the confidence to make that woman desire him despite other influences. You can always buy sex but that is real hollow but seeing that it is your only need perhaps a short term answer but it will never correct your other issues.
    Good luck.
     
  4. MILF_Rider

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    You might meet the woman you want to marry with the next relationship or the 60th.

    I was probably like you in ways until I was probably around 27 or 28. I had my first girlfriend in highschool and she was my first, then another relationship later, but aside from those 2 I never really had a comfort level enough to get anywhere.

    Then I decided that my attitude was wrong. Basicly I built things up inside myself and tried to worry about doing everything right, and it was crippling.

    When I changed my attitude to just making the first step, and the rest would either happen or it wouldn't but no point dwelling on it, things happenned. Let yourself take chances and getting a handful of no's is no injury and it opens you to the possibility of a yes. And you can learn from the no's anyway.
     
  5. CosmicEye

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    I w3as like you in High school . I lost my virginity when I was 21 to a girl that I never wanted to feel love for. Long story short that happened and was with her for 2 years. No I am trying to be way more open and more confident especially towards women, and its working. We've been broken up for like 3 (real) months but in and out for a year. This is the biggest reason why I left her is to go out there and have sex with different types of women. Although pretty much unsuccessful so far, I am atleast trying.

    You just have to overcome any fear and take chances to meet someone new. If they reject you than who cares. They dont know you and just go on to the next one. You never know, maybe that girl in the Grocery Store just got out of a bad relationship and wants a FWB kind of man. She could be a freak too that'll give you the best sex ever. You dont know if you dont try. Women like to fuck too!

    Im sorry but I have to quote 40 y/o virgin.. "You're putting the pussy on the pedistool"
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I'm not going to offer advice, but I must address two of your comments. First, from a man who's had more than 100 (and still increasing) sexual partners, you don't have to tell a woman that you love her to have sex with her! In fact, I've only ever told 2 out of the 100+ that I loved them, and that's because I did love them. The other women were nice, we had good times together, be that once-off for a one night stand or something longer. Women enjoy sex very much, and are more than happy to have sex with someone nice when it suits them. By nice, that generally means mature, confident and a good sense of humour.

    I have had many friends with beneifts relationships, and they were spawned from casual sex that just continued, or a friendship that became more. We didn't love one-another, but we got on well together and I thought that sex could or should follow, so I generally made the move for sex and they responded. From there, it was generally a case of ringing one-another when we were in the mood, and setting up some time for sex more together! That's how friends with benefits works.

    I hope that clears two things. It probably puts some context around the comment about putting the pussy on a pedestal too. Women do like sex, and they don't need love to have good sex either.
     
  7. backcheck64

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    Hey, we acutally agree for a change. Of the 47 I've had, only loved one, and married her 24 yrs ago. Never told any of the other 46 I loved them, in fact one, we hated eachother...but the sex was great. Had FWB that sure we liked eachother, but no love, just sex. Hell sometimes if nothing was going on, we'd fuck out of boredom. Sex has nothing to do with love. Never had to tell a woman I loved her to have sex. If I didn't get it by the 3rd date, there wasn't usually a 4th so not too many women expect to hear I love you on the third date.
     
  8. CosmicEye

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    Cbrmale, great advice man. Thats absolutley true :tup
     
  9. Trond

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    Sorry, but I'm not so sure about this :ugh.

    I sometimes get the impression that cbrmale and backcheck are typing their messages from a galaxy far far away. Or perhaps they are both hyper-intelligent bonobos :lol. (Put away the blunt objects, and take it with a sense of humor guys :dgrin)

    Confidence and a sense of humor is difficult to pull off for an insecure guy, but the good news is that most people get more relaxed an confident with age. Socializing more with people in general usually helps over time.

    But also this: yes there are some women out there who like sex for its own sake, but in my experience the vast majority of women want something back for sex; be it love, affection, closeness, security, or money. Women, even horny ones, tend to get offended if you offer them just sex (I am basing this on an actual study, not my own trial and error:p). This is why many people "playing the field" are full of bullshit and lies. Luckily, modern technology could be helpful; if you try to look for just a one-night stand, then internet is probably good help.
     
  10. backcheck64

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    My galaxy is the midwest USA. Maybe they were looking to feel warm and fuzzy for an evening, but asside from that, they didn't get any more than sex from me. Maybe cbr and I are overconfident, but it seemed to have worked for us.
     
  11. CosmicEye

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    Thers alittle gift called a "whore"
     
  12. cbrmale

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    I was dreadfully shy with women when I was younger, and it had to resolve that. What worked for me was that I was very successful with my career at a very young age, and I transferred that success to confidence. I was never, ever insecure, I knew I was smart and I was good; I was just shy.

    As far as trading for sex goes, this is not the case at all. I saw a documentary here in Australia a couple of years ago where there was a 'sleaze tree' where the males and females studying a particular course at a university could mark who they'd had sex with, and the studient with the most partners won a prize at the end of the year. The young women were more enthusiastic than the young men! One of the girls won.

    My playing the field days were in the late seventies to the mid-eighties; do I need to write more? But, based on the sleaze tree, things have become even more relaxed now than those days! My daughter is 19, has a long-term boyfriend, relates that some of her friends go out on Saturday nights with the only ambition to find a guy to have sex with. Not all young women are like this, my daughter for example is in love with her boyfriend, and is faithful to him, but there is and always will be many young women who like excitement, adventure and pleasure without being burdened by committment.

    People like Backcheck and I are not full of bullshit and lies; this is the way it is if you want to have sex without love and romance.
     
  13. backcheck64

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    My hayday was in the late 70s to early 80s as well. We didn't have girls wearing colored braclets indicating what sex acts they perform as they do do today. And why can't women like sex for the simply selfish reason of "it feels good". Are you saying women can't do something simply because it's pleasurable? Isn't that the main reason any of us have sex? Or are you so diluded and brainwashed by right wing religious wack jobs that sex is only for procreation and maybe an expression of love ONLY.
     
  14. JTS

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    Hey boys, just had to chime in. I also was at my prime, single days back in the 80's. Weren't those some great times! I was a bodybuilder then, competed in Mr Minnesota contests, was in great shape, but actually didn't do so well with the women (did ok, but not great). After the married years of the 90s (a decade + in which I was completely faithful), I divorced in 2003, and was once again single. After the first year post divorce--very difficult, like a fish outta water-- I started dating women, and it became easier. I think age and maturity make a huge difference on how you're perceived by women, and confidence is huge! If you don't have this, FORGETABOUTIT!! hahaha Anyway, in retrospect, I believe in my 20s I did put women on the proverbial pedastal way too much. I figured out in my 40s after meeting and socializing with women much more, that they are human beings with faults and baggage also. Actually a lot of crazies out there!! hahaha....just kidding gals. Anyway, I've come to find my concept of love is MUCH different now as I am older and hopefully wiser. I think that there may be true love out there for some, but I am of the opinion that love amongst men and women is fragile and fleeting. As long as you realize that few things last forever, you're much better off. Instead of the romantic version of love, instead look at it as you're two adult humans of opposite sex who both have needs (not just sexual). If you are fulfilling each others needs, and get along well, then great.....call it love! But don't put 'em on a pedestal, you'll get crushed when it tips over squarely on your head! :eek
     
  15. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

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    I started a thread here a little while back on a similar topic and I was curious to know if I was capable of having a sex buddy based off the info I provided and the feedback I was given in return.

    Me for instance has tons of girlfriends(i know it sounds gay) but there are truly great old friends of mine that we all know everything about each other. That including sexual things, my personal life etc. I felt as though I could have exclusively sexual relations with a couple of them but judging off the female sentiment here it doesn't seem like it really works out that smoothly.

    It's hard to find those girls who can have exclusively sexual relationships. I've had a couple but it also seems like you and I opposites in personality. In real life I'm pretty loud and eccentric and I'm always surrounded around lots of friends or clubs. What you got to to man is just put yourself out there to find those ladies willing to just have sexual relations. To have them is friends, too gets very tricky. Believe that they do exist. Some girls just want to get fucked, it's all about puting yourself out there confidently and making it apparent to them that's what you came here to do as well. Good luck mane but it wont start out easy:p

    Believe it or not there truly is a rhythm to picking up on women. Not like I do pick up lines or any that gay shit or even that I say the same things over to different women. Many girls are much the same in their own ways and to charm them isn't like solving a rubix cube, lol so you'll find the more you get into it the more it comes naturally. It's more about making them feel comfortable around you so that the physical stuff comes easy.