How would you deal with this situation??

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Hot Wheels, Aug 5, 2007.

  1. Hot Wheels

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    Early this year Mrs HW started having problems with incontinence, she became very embarrassed about it and only after some nagging, and getting to the stage of having to wear a pad to bed every night, did she finally see her doctor about it.
    Our sex life disappeared overnight(its now been over 7 months since) :(
    She says that even after zillion showers, she still feels yucky about it (sex in general)and has all but forbidden me to give her oral because sometimes she only has to cough and she "leaks".
    I never pressure her for sex,... sure,... I make the odd suggestion sometimes but she just fobs it off and we both even laugh about it sometimes....but deep down, I know shes just not into it and last thing Id want to see is her just submitting and giving me a "sympathy" fuck. I seem to be forming this intimate relationship with my right hand,:jerkit and, to be honest, I feel its driving us both nuts...me more so than her.
    The doctor has diagnosed her as having a "prolapsed bladder" hence the embarrassing leakage problem....the fix....physiotherapy and exercises or big time surgery.....
    Naturally she has chosen to try the former rather than the latter, but the doctor has told her that even if this approach works,and its by no means definite, this will take quite some time.
    The upshot of all this is that tonight we talked and even though every other aspect of our lives together is just terrific..., (I feel so fortunate to have her as my wife:bow)she has suggested that I may want to obtain sex elsewhere with her blessing.
    She knows how much I love her and Im not about to run off anywhere, but where do you find somebody you can trust that just wants "no strings" sex? Our special needs grandaughter also lives with us and gets up at all hours of the day and night so cybering isnt really an option either.... I dont want to go to prostitutes , not only because I dont want to spend our hard earned dollars on hookers, but also because one of my favourite all time things to do in bed is give oral to my partner and the thought of going down on someone who may have already had several other guys that day just doesnt do it for me..:puke
    She has even suggested that I may want to take a mutual friend of ours out to a swingers club for the night but I dont know how I feel about that either.....
    :help*HW feels very confused right now*
     
    #1 Hot Wheels, Aug 5, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2007
  2. cook74

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    Mate, i feel really bad for you as, to a lesser degree, I know what its like to be in love with your partner yet be denied physical love by them. Thats a situation that I find my self in right now.:(

    I love her and have done for nearly ten years, but for the last 12 to 18 months the sex has been on the steady decrease. ( old thread, long story ). My situation is similar to yours in that Im not about to just leave.:eek:utahere

    I have thought of escorts, but, like you say, its just not feasible. Ive upgraded my internet capabilities to deal with the porn ( but you get jack of that too ). Many times I've even been tempted to cheat, yet, that would hurt her more than anything so...

    What to do?? Personally, sex means a lot to me, but she means more, so if a heavily reduced sex life is what I have to put up with to stay with the one woman that I will always love then I will. Im sure people make greater sacrifices for true happiness.:)
     
  3. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    When my wife was pregnant with out second child the Dr told us not to have sex the last 4 months. We found that if she held me while I masturbated it became a loving time for both of us. Might be worth a try....:ugh
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    That is a very insightful post, Buffalo.

    HW.... have you two tried alternative methods of intimacy? You've been around here a long time. I know I'm not revealing anything new to you when I say that 'sex' and 'making love' doesn't always have to include oral/vaginal sex. It's the touching.... caressing....looking into each other's eyes....

    Some couples who enter 'health issues' have to wash, bath and clean feces from their partner. An outsider would think it's degrading. But it's probably one of the most beautiful acts of pure love. Your apprehension toward getting some sort of emotional satisfaction from another woman speaks volumes of your pure love for your wife.

    As a total 'layman', I would suggest you find intimate ways of achieving your sexual gratification with your wife by your side. It may be one of the most incredible sexual experiences you've ever had.

    And since we all know sex is 90% emotional for a woman.... your wife may experience something that neither of you expected :tup

    :rose
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    It's kind, understanding, and generous of your wife to give you her blessing if you want to find sex elsewhere. But how do you think she'd really feel about it? If I were you, I'd wait it out a bit longer and try Rose's suggestions. It could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened in your relationship.

    If you DO decide to look elsewhere, it shouldn't be difficult to hookup with a woman wanting a no-strings-attached affair. They're everywhere.
     
  6. blueyedcouple

    blueyedcouple New Member

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    I have to say that I agree with hanging in there. Your wife may be saying that because she feels bad for not being what she used to be or wants to be to/for you. This could lead to some depression issues for her in general but you finding intimacy somewhere else could add to that. As above there are many ways to be intimate with her, suggest taking showers together or get a hot tub?? A prolapsed bladder can be surgically fixed but there of course are risks and recovery involved with that. Stick by your wife!!
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I agree with this post.
    Yes it's hard on you, But just consider what She is going through
    She is probably having doubts about you wanting to have sex with Her
    because of the problems she is having, And she obviously is feeling
    guilty about not giving you all the sex you want, Hence She has offered
    to let you get it somewhere else.
    But I doubt that that's the way she really feels, So don't go somewhere else
    for sex, I'm feel sure She could give you oral sex with no problem
    and that ought to keep you from climbing the wall.
    But for Her, I really don't know how you could satisfy her.

    Hiker
     
  8. Bluesy

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    :tup to all the advice that's been offered. It's a noble gesture on her part, but if her sole motivation is guilt, she may not actually want you to go through with it, and it could very well wound her deeply. And are you sure she isn't "testing" you? I know it's essentially deceitful, but women are sneaky that way sometimes, out of insecurity. Maybe she was secretly hoping you would refuse.
     
  9. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    What about some "shower sex"? Make it romantic, though!

    Candles... perhaps get a some soft jazz playing ... take time to bath each other with scented oil soaps ... kiss alot .... tell her she's beautiful ... you love her more today than you ever have.... press her against the shower wall and run your [st]hands [/st] - I mean your sponge up and down the full length of her body...

    You could possibly even pull off pleasuring her orally (if she'll give it a go), as the shower is a constant cleanser for her.

    :shrug just some random ideas.
     
  10. privateuser

    privateuser New Member

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    Why couldn't she do it for you ?
     
  11. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    She could and did, some. Tell you the truth she was not verry good at it!