I'm new here, Everyone seems so open i was wondering if i could get some opinions on this problem i'm having. I have been married for 11 years. We've always had a good sex life. Since talking about sex stressed my husband, made him blush and so forth, i never pushed the issure too much. arlier this year, he started taking Lexapro (it's for anxiety). He lost is sex drive. Instead of talking to me about this, he did some stupid things. He thought *I* was the problem, and that he didn't desire me(I found this out this past weekend). Anyway, Out of the blue, he starts saying stuff while drinking about 3somes and swinging. I told him if he had something to say, say it sober. He told me he wanted to do things, with others. He had gone so far as to set up an account on an adult site to meet people. At first he tried to say it was for us both, but his profile said he wanted to meet people 1 on 1. I was shocked, before we'd always had a good sex life, had it often. I cried, he cried, said he was sorry, that he loved me, but he just wanted to try other stuff. We were closer for a couple weeks, then he got hmm, where he was taking his frustration out on me. Suddenly, my skin color was ugly, things i had no control over. I'm heavy, but i ALWAYS have been. I've been working on the emotional reasons why i overeat, so when i lose weight, i can keep it off. (Even with all this going on i've lost 35 pounds). He started making fat comments, little digs that hurt a lot. He also would make a lot of comments still about others, not just him doing things, but seeing me with females, or me with another guy. He's always been EXTREMELY jealous, not to the point of being where he won't let me out of the house.. but where he doesn't like me wearing something really low cut. When he said he was sorry, he said when he was a kid, "boys" played together, and he had an interest in exploring that. He said they masterbated, and licked each other, without going to completion. This past weekend, i started crying because everything was getting to me, and he said a bunch of things, like he loves me, but if i don't lose weight he's going to leave me (the weekend before he said he'd never let me leave). I told him that i'd never felt ugly til recently, no matter my size. That's when he finally told me he didn't have any desire for me. At first i was hurt, then i thought about it and thought about his meds. I asked him how often he was masterbating, he said none. So he had no desire, it wasn't just about me. I understand that, but i'm still so hurt by everything. He went to the dr and is now trying new meds. But How can i get him to open up? And how much of all that stuff is real wants.. or just stuff he wanted because he was having a hard time getting aroused, and having ejactulation problems? I love him very much. I might be willing to try stuff, but my self esteem is shot right now. What's bad is the meds seem to make him less upset, but make him feel like he doesn't care about anything.