How much trouble is this? HELP!!!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by mtm1980, Jun 30, 2008.

  1. mtm1980

    mtm1980 New Member

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    So my girlfriend and I have been togeather for a few months. She is 21. And I have run into a big problem. The problem is that I am having trouble giving her an orgasm regardless of how I try, orally or other. She has orgasmed before, just not for a while now. She tells me that its not me. She has had a lot of family/friend drama going on. Also, she has had a yeast infection and she tells me all of this combined has made it impossible for her. She tells me she gets really close (and she does) but she can't finish. I am wondering if problems with her parents and friends and this infection would really be enough to cause her to not be able to orgasm? Thoughts? Please, this is very important. Suggestions?

    In addition:

    I told her I wanted to take a break and just help her relax and work through some of the things that have been bothering her for a while before we start again. When we do I believe I will do my best to get her completely turned on before I even start to work down there.

    She tells me all the time she wants it, and she does get really turned on, there are signs, her eyes roll back in her head and she shakes without being able to control it, plus other things I will not be talking about.

    I mean is this all a game on her part or is she really just too stressed out right now? Or is it possible she has put so much pressure on it that it can't happen?
     
    #1 mtm1980, Jun 30, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2008
  2. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Unfortunately, an orgasm is not the result of following a 3 step process, for either side. Rather it is a complex result of the whole body responding to both physical, emotional, and mental processes in unison. If it doesn't all come together just right, the climax doesn't go off as planned or expected. And to make matters worse, if you remember the failure of last time, then the next time has that factor stacked against getting a climax too. What this is not about, is the her lack of organs is due completely to something you are doing or failing to do. I could go on for paragraphs, but I would bore everyone else. When something like this doesn't work correctly, both of you have to look at every aspect on both sides to find where to make the corrections and restore the bonds of love.
     
  3. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Psychological things (like stress) can definitely cause sexual issues like inability to orgasm for women, erection difficulties for men, etc. Show her much patience and help her get through the stress...do what you can to lighten her load...DO NOT add to it. I really don't think it's a game...based on what you said, it definitely sounds like stress. Get her a sex toy (something like the Rabbit ought to send her through the roof!)...use it on her a few times, and then tell her to go solo with it.

    HTH,
    BD
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    This a sex forum dude...do tell!

    BD
     
  5. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    When are men (not all of you) going to learn that sex is not about orgasm for women. I don't always orgasm during sex but that does not mean I don't like it.
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Ditto what Loveit just said.

    To the OP: if she can't come, then she can't come. She said she still wants to have sex with you regardless. That means orgasm isn't as important to her than the closeness and intimacy of having sex. Don't become irritated with yourself or with her when she doesn't come. You'll both enjoy it a lot more if you stop making orgasm the goal.
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Agreed. I had a girlfriend for a while who simply could not orgasm at all...she still wanted sex though, and quite frequently. I tried everything I could think of to give her an orgasm...I finally just gave up and accepted that her orgasm was ultimately her own responsibility, and didn't let it make me feel like I was inadequate. (However, since she wasn't a particularly good lover, I have to admit my own libido waned quite a bit while I was with her.)

    And that may be something that is creating stress for you and making you try too hard. Don't feel like you are inadequate because she can't have an orgasm. As you've already realized, it's not you, it's the stress she's going through. Support her through the stress, give her all the physical and emotional intimacy she needs (orgasm or not), and just be patient until things get back to normal. Think of it this way: if you were having erectile disfunction because of stress, how would you want her to treat you? Think about that, and treat her the same way!

    BD
     
  8. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    Or, buy a vibrator.
     
  9. mtm1980

    mtm1980 New Member

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    I do understand that orgasm is not always the goal, I just felt a little bad because I wanted to make sure she was getting what she wanted out of things you know?

    Also I have NO PROBLEM going and picking up a vibrator, and she's even open to the idea of trying it, she told me, "that would work."

    I am just wondering, women, if using a vibrator would take some of the intimacy out of the sex?
     
  10. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I think the ladies here will tell you that the best way for a woman to "learn" to easily have orgasm's is to experiment enough to learn what her body likes and what feels good to her. So, get a plain dildo and a good vibe, tie her up, blindfold her, and "introduce" her to them, then tell her that you'll use one or both on her any time she'd like AND that you want her to go off by herself (if she wants to) to experiment on her own.

    I think for most women, hitting a vibe and playing just makes them hornier...let her buzz away for a while by herself and she'll probably come pounce on you. I love nothing more than to hear my wife buzzing away upstairs...it usually isn't long before she comes looking for me. Or she falls asleep and hits me up later that day or night.

    I envy you ladies your ability to have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. :bow (Not really...I'm quite glad you can, actually! :brow)

    BD
     
  11. Barbwire

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    I think that's kind of drastic, really, One does not need to make a woman feel helpless at a time like that. It is far better, to leave her hands free so she can move the vibe to the spot that feels good. Also, there's no need to blind her, I'd think a man would want to see the look in his lover's eyes as he tries to get her off.

    I'm not saying that blindfolds and restraints can't be fun, but there is a time and a place for everything, and I think the first few times with toys being used on her, a woman should be able to move and see as much as she wants.
     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    My suggestion was to create surprise, not make her feel helpless. OK...don't tie her up, put a blindfold on her and let her take the blindfold off whenever she wants to.

    BD
     
  13. continuous

    continuous New Member

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    Also, I would guess her being so young has a lot to do with not being able to orgasm frequently. I know for the first year of having sex I never ever came, but I wanted it ALL THE TIME!!!!

    What finally set the scene for my first orgasm? Not a dildo, or a vibrator, but really really great afgannie-northern lights hydroponic weed.

    So, perhaps an aphrodisiac, but only if she really really wants to cum; not because you feel it's your job. I know my first boyfriend was disappointed with me not being able to orgasm and I felt so unwanted...like I wasn't performing for him.

    But then porn creates this atmosphere of prejudiced stereotypes for men, that women need to have big huge orgasms for them to be satisfied...which is arousing, I don't doubt..but it is just masturbation fantasy. Are you as young as she is?
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Wow, I've heard physical exercise makes a big difference, but I had no idea weeding the flower beds was such a work-out. ;)

    I agree...porn does create some unusual expectations for both parties if you're not already experienced.

    OK, where were you before I was married? :brow I'd have been happy to help you explore without making you feel unwanted. :dgrin

    BD