How much of your sex history do you tell your SO?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sarah_rslp, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    I was much more sexually experienced than my husband when we met. As he's not ever going to sleep with anyone else and as there's certain things we don't do sexually I'm going to remain the more experienced.

    Early on in the relationship I told him in general the various things I've done, just to be up front. Basically I made clear that i enjoyed the vast majority of them that I wasn't ashamed of anything, I was in a relationship with him now and I was willing to move on. So he knew for example that I'd had with women, group sex and so on.

    A little while ago he asked me about what happened when I had group sex, I'm fairly certain the idea didn't really arouse him (he's quite up front even when he shouldn't be .. bless him) but he was curious and looking for me to fill in the details.

    I just told him myself and a mate had sex with 3 blokes one time, and that if he wanted any details on group sex he should research it himself (in a book). I was browsing through this website at the time so as it was on my mind I posted the experience on here. Afterwards I felt kind of guilty for posting the details on the internet but not telling him, so the next day I did.

    It was a fairly interesting conversation. Like I said the idea of group sex didn't appeal to him but he said he was interested in that side of my life before I met him. I have slowly from time to time answered other questions he's asked but I'm uncertain where to set the limit.

    Or do i need to bother if I told him from the beginning that I've had anal sex is it revealing any more about myself by telling him the details?

    Anywho what does everybody else think?
     
  2. Dreama

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    I didn't tell hubby about my sexual past in the beginning, when we were dating, but I revealed the rest, later. He was actually upset that I didn't tell him earlier, and then, I wished I had. So, yes, he does know all about my past....There wasn't much to tell, but I had more sexual experience than him, seeing how I was not a virgin and he was.
     
  3. bsxy420

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    theres nothing to tell about my past. i was a virgin when i met my SO. he was not. it took me 10 yrs to finally get the truth out of him. he would always say i dont remember or something along those lines. but one night we were sitting here and i just asked and he spilled the beans, it doesnt bother me about his past because it is the past. it did bother me that he wasnt honest with everything.
    if your hubby asks questions about your past tell him. maybe something might spark and he may be interested in trying something that you have done and liked.
     
  4. kowboy666

    kowboy666 New Member

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    Past

    I told her everything. Unfortunately, that wasn't much. My sexual experience was very, very limited. I also told her about my fantasies, some of which only my therapist knew about before. She's had no problem with anything and has told me about her own experiences and fantasies. We're both good with it all.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    I don't hold anything back, but don't go into too much detail either. If she wanted details, I'd do my best to give 'em. At my age, I've forgotten way more than I remember.

    I'd like to forget a little more, however. ;)
     
  6. WellHungWill

    WellHungWill New Member

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    More mystery and less history is always a good policy. It is important to share some history for safety reasons but no one needs to know about positions and locations of everywhere you have been. Just my 2 cents
     
  7. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Like you I was more experienced than my wife. We have been married for nearly 20 years and she still asks me about my previous sexual experiences. However she does not ask for much detail. My reply tends to be based on the level of detail of her question and the reason for her asking.

    Based on my experience I do not believe in a relationship you need to go into every detail of your sexual history but I believe if your husband asks you then you need to be honest with him by giving enough information to satisfy is query. At no time I believe you should hold back information, lie, or make up something to protect their feelings. This is due to the fact that a relationship is based on communication, trust, and respect. If you cannot communicate, cannot respect your partner, or trust them then you need to examine the reason why you are still in that relationship.
     
  8. cbrmale

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    My wife was a virgin, so she had no history at all. She knew I had some, and after we got married I told her some of the details, but playing down the reality. I suggested about 30 partners (reality about 100) at first. Later I admitted one threesome (reality a few threesomes) and anal sex a few times, but I hadn't done any more than those things. I confessed for two reasons: one is that I felt I needed to be honest and I was also getting frustrated by her self-imposed sexual boundaries. I didn't want her to have a threesome or share anal sex, but there were too many other boundaries.

    The group sex, the anal sex and the number of partners did not appeal to her at all. Later, we hired some sex educational videos (as they were then) with some married couples, which gave her some perspective that my behaviour was not quite as outrageous as it seemed, and the reality of most individuals was somewhere between what I had done and what she had done to that time.

    Sarah,
    I don't think anal sex is that outrageous, and about half of couples try it at least once and (I think) more than 10% to of couples have anal sex semi-regularly. Group sex is more 'out there' perhaps. As a former participant, I know someone who has never been part of group sex can never imagine the reality (to me it was amazingly normal and easy, and the more interesting part is the voyeurism that is part of being up close to another couple having sex, or feeling the presence of another person while you're having sex).
     
  9. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    I think its really quite bleak that anal sex has come to be seen as a normal sex act. I'm actually a little bit sceptical about all these surveys regarding people's sex lives. Even the kinsey reports have been discredited in many parts.

    I've said before on other threads that I see anal sex as a totally male orientated act, owing a lot to the porn industry. Anywho I really don't want the thread to go spin off into another discussion about it, I'll only end up getting banned again.
     
  10. Dreama

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    There are women here on this forum that enjoy anal play, and engage in it totally by themselves. How can that be totally male oriented? There are men, that like being penetrated. Nothing wrong with anal, as long as your safe in doing so.
     
  11. cook74

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    My partner and I have very different sexual backgrounds. For a start, she was raised as a good Catholic girl. When we first met, about a decade ago, I had had too many sexual partners to count. Many one night stands, professionals, short and long term relationships.

    After ten years of being close (not always dating, some of the years were spent together as friends) she knows me inside and out and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    Sexually we are very different, but neither she nor I have a problem with my past.

    It's the future I'm fucking scared of! :nerv :lol
     
  12. Barbwire

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    My husband knows I was a bit wild with some guys before I met him, and he's fine with it, because now, I'm a LOT wild with him. :dgrin

    The only time we really talk about our pasts, specifically, is if we are doing something different. I will ask him if he's done the act before or he'll ask me. He and I have experienced some firsts together, and it makes it all that much more speical to know we are still "virgins" in some respects.

    It doesn't matter to me how many women he's had in his past and the specifics of how he banged them, and my husband feels the same about me. It's what we do now, as a couple, that matters to us, and that's how it should be.
     
  13. espresso

    espresso New Member

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    MrsE is aware of EVERYTHING I did sexually before her and she is fine with it. I would not have it any other way. We have no troubles talking openly about these kinds of things. Sure, there may be a moment or two when things can get uncomfortable picturing your lover in those situations but in all honesty, I have no right to get upset or anything.....she was not with me and I was not with her at the time. I'm not sure I could keep it from her actually and I'm surprised by those that can.
     
  14. cook74

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    Exactly!
     
  15. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Pretty much all of it, but it's pretty extensive and sometimes I suddenly remember stuff that I'd forgotten a long time ago, and I wonder if I should tell him or not. He certainly doesn't mind the fact that I'm so much more experienced than he is, but hearing about certain things can make him uncomfortable. For example, once I told him about my (decidedly negative) experiences with anal sex. He said he'd rather not hear the details of that, and I understood.
     
  16. Mr.Tongue

    Mr.Tongue New Member

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    WE really don't discuss it , I know she was 12 her first time , but that about it, she says Iam full of shit that I was 17.
    once amoung friends something up about hey remember when you (me) was dating X. my wife quickly let it be know that she didn't to hear anything from those times in my life.
    as far as her past, if she wants to tell me I'll listen , but it really doesn't matter to me we're together now and now is what matters.
     
  17. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I have never asked my wife about her past
    and she doesn't ask me.
    I do know that she was my first piece of ass. As I was 14 and she was 11
    the first time we screwed,
    But we quit dating for 4 years and what she did those 4 years
    is Her business not mine.
    Actually we had only got back together for 2-3 mos before i married her
    and I know she dated in that time but I couldn't care if she screwed
    the whole town, Because it's not wore out, And it's none of my business

    Hiker
     
  18. bsxy420

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    i know most on here are married and are having sex with just each other. but the reason i asked my SO for his history was for the fact of stds. he answered that question. but i just wanted to know how many girls before me. just a curiosity thing,
     
  19. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

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    I know about all of my wife's sex history and she knows about all of mines.We was just lying in bed one night and ended up on this subject and she just started telling me all about it and things she did,then I told her a little about mines until she started asking lots of questions and telling me that she wanted to know about everything,so I then told her.
     
  20. FlirtyChick

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    I told him everything before we were married, but it was pretty tame, and I can count the lucky men on one hand! :)
     
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