How much of your past do you share and when?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Ice Cold, May 13, 2011.

  1. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I think honesty is important in relationships, and truthfully, im pretty sure i already have my answer, but my question is how soon, and how often do you tell your SO the details of your past relationships?

    I've slept with a man and transexual recently because, well i wanted too. thats all it was, one night stands. Im not attracted to men, but i've always had a thing for transexuals, dunno where it came from. been curious to receive anal sex and it was something that i felt i needed to do and get out of my system. now that i have done it, i have no real desire to do it again, and i generally didn't enjoy it.

    I have considered myself bi-sexual because i realize most people would just consider me gay. I have presented myself as a bisexual to women and those relationships have ended right there. This was on the 2nd or 3rd date, some acted cool the rest of the evening only never to respond to my contacts again, others are accepting but eventually do the same after another date or so.

    I've recently started dating a very open minded young lady, who is friends of bisexual males, and i feel she somewhat questions her own sexuality at times. Not in a bad way, but more in a curious way.

    Its been over a month, and i havent told her about my bisexual past. I don't want to either, but if this relationship were to get serious, i feel i would have to. the problem i am seeing is that when would be a good time to tell her? right when we decide to get serious, that way its huge shock ? or now before it goes any further? what if this is just a fling, what would be the point of jumping out there just to end a good thing?

    ladies and gents, how do you feel? what would you prefer? Me personally, i dont really care. i would understand if someone i was with hid that aspect for a while, but that could be me just making excuses for my own actions.
     
  2. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    You can't hide your past. You have to share at some point but there is no magic time to do it. Its like saying "I love You" you will know when its time.
     
  3. docpete

    docpete New Member

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  4. lbushwalker

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    Ice Cold, my take on this is if you tried it out of curiosity and it didn't do much for you (your words) and not desiring in repeating the experience(s) then why still consider yourself bisexual?
    Many people experiment with their sexuality before settling into what feels right personally.
    Experimenting is a natural progression of curiosity; that done and nothing much come from it then lose the tag, move on and forget it.
    The last thing you need is for it to ruin every future relationship.
    Everyone has done stuff that they are not real proud of so why disclose all and sundry?
    That is not a prerequisite to love..............period!
     
  5. nurseharley

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    i share pretty much everything. i dont think most of it makes a difference or not but i dont feel like i have anything to hide and it can help someone understand you better. i usually let it all hang out when i first meet the person. i guess i see it as something to go ahead and get out of the way, if they dont like it then not too much has been lost.

    look at it this way: if theres something in your past that you would want someone to hear from you and not someone else, just go ahead and tell them. they might not like everything they hear but i can guarantee they will respect you for your honesty.
     
  6. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I dont really consider myself bi, i dont know why i felt the need to label myself.
    I want to tell her, i feel the opportunity presented itself already, but i shied away from it due to fear of rejection, and the fact she is a coworker and i would hate for my biz to get around work, which i definitely know she wouldnt do now, but i wasnt sure back then..

    i know i need to tell her, or anyone i'd plan on gettin serious with, i just need to figure out how.
     
  7. kj_72

    kj_72 New Member

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    My wife and I got that in the open about a month in. I agree, honesty is important, I was surprised my wife had sex with mote people than I had, but it didn't bother me.
     
  8. Ckorius

    Ckorius New Member

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    There are other ways of approaching this. I offer my way only because , though Ihave had few partners, they were all persons I loved and trusted and included both men and women. '

    I hold that what happens sexually between two persons is personal and private and ought to be regarded so by both parties forever. I havenot pobed into my wife's doings prior to our meeting. I have told her nothing of my sexual journey. She has met all of my former partners in sex and she is not the bright girl I thought her to be if after more than a half century of marriage she has not figured out that my "friends" from former times were much more to me than just friends.

    There are some truths that are best left alone. I think my approach has preserved the sense of the beauty and the mystery of human sexuality and honored the view that some things are just too private to be shared.
     
  9. Maverick

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    Better to tell and take minimal heat, then wait and dive into a fire doused in gasoline.
     
  10. Gearhead

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    with me its need to know information, with certain subjects the less she knows the better..
     
  11. Maverick

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    Of course, it should all depend on what subject, right? :phat