How much did college change you?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Jayce, Aug 12, 2006.

  1. Jayce

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    I'm just sitting here thinking about some things. This is mostly just me rambling to get some thoughts out. Feel free to comment, and please if you have any stories about college changing you or someone you've been with, I'd LOVE to hear them.

    For months during my girlfriend's first year of college I watched her change. This brought some questions to mind... for example, she used to be so destined to get married once she was done with college. Though she still has that desire, she is realizing how pointless it was to be 16 years old and sitting there very eager to get married, knowing you still had to wait for more years to pass.

    Also, another thing that struck me by surprise is the way she talked about our relationship. For example, she stated that when she went back for her second year that she wanted more emotional space... not an actual break, but she just wanted to slow down enough so she could concentrate more on her work. She didn't want to have to call me at night when the evening's events were overwith to call me and say good night, and said that she didn't want to feel guilty if she was just too busy to call me that day. At first I was like, well, I know damn well you're still going to hang out with your friends all the time, so now I'm just getting shut out? She also would say things like, well, if we need to take a break, that's what we'll do. My education needs to come first. Though I wholeheartidly support this, and would do anything in my power to help her through this, it still brings thought to my mind, wondering if her and I will make it. She keeps saying, if it's meant to be and we get separated, we'll find our way back to each other. Sometimes I wonder if she's trying to put just enough space in between us, so that way if something comes up (perhaps another guy) the separation would be easier to make. Though I highly doubt that would happen. If her and I would break up while she's in college, I definitely think she'd stay single to prevent any drama that could be caused by a new relationship. But she assures me she loves me, and would love to raise 5 beautiful boys someday (she said if she has a girl, she's "putting it back" :lol ). I guess she's just trying to take a look at life from a realistic view, and take it one day at a time.

    I'm done rambling. Got work in 5 hours. :yell
     
  2. AnonymousOne

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    change me? Not too much, It has helped to refine what I believe and why, and lets face it .... college is FUN!
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    In short, this is the time where you each really investigate and determine who you are. In MY opinion, allowing her some space and lattitude at this point in your lives with save a great deal of heartache later on. Is it hard? Hell yea it's hard. It's hard to say "I love you enough to let you become what you will become, and to wish you happiness no matter what."

    Jayce, I don't think the wondering ever stops. I've been married going on twelve years, and I still wonder almost every day if we'll make it.
     
  4. Jayce

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    I guess it's just hard knowing she'll see the same faces everyday and I'll be lucky if I even hear her voice every other day... Hearing "well if it's meant to be, we'll be together" is a little harder to deal with than hearing "don't worry, you and I will be just fine."
     
  5. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    This is a confusing, chaotic time. I don't think there's any getting around it, any sugar coating it. You will regret pushing or molding her, in my experience. Here's one of those times where faith in the strength of your relationship can pull you through.
     
  6. Jayce

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    Oh yeah. The more time passes, especially now, the more I realize backing off and letting her do her thing is the best thing to do. I by no means am going to force her or push her into anything, but one thing I did assure her of is whatever she wants to do I'll be there for her.

    I'm just throwing around some ideas that have been floating in my head for a while, that's all.
     
  7. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I understand, Jayce, and fully encourage that. I'm simply saying that right now there are two things you can do. You can surround yourself in the fear that she may choose something/someone else, and that you might get hurt...... OR.... you can surround yourself in the faith that what you've been through so far means something, everything even, that your love will conquer all, and not spend all of your time worried (obsessed) that she may choose something different than you choose. For how many years you've been together? For how many years your goals have been the same? Have faith in that; trust that; don't think a thing differently unless otherwise TOLD. Don't assume. Don't guess. Don't worry. Live your life in this relationship, it's the relationship you're in. Have enough faith for both of you. I think it'll pan out.
     
  8. Jayce

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    Yeah, what you said made a lot of sense. You said I shouldn't assume unless I'm told. Well, she told me she wants emotional space when she goes back to college. So it kind of sucks sitting here like, hmmm, 2 more weeks of fun, then back to every other day phone conversations we go. I guess that's why I've been worrying so much, knowing that our time together will come to an almost stand-still halt. Then what?

    But, whatever, she asked and she shall receive. Hopefully she'll be able to concentrate on her studies so much it may open up some free time later in the year for her and I to enjoy lunch together or something.

    We'll see what happens. Round 2 of 4... BING!
     
  9. Ice Cold

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    I understand how you feel Jay, im on my last year of college myself (goooooo 5 year plan) and i was in a relationship when i first started going. That relationship was very weak and needy, so it didnt last. I refrained from serious relations up until this point, just so i can find who i am, and what i really want out of life. Overall, i really didnt change much, college just solidified what was already there. My friends, have two nicknames for me at school, one of them is grandpa. At first i was taking back because i didnt want to be an old man, but when they explained to me that Grandpa meant im stuck in my ways, and the same guy they meet 3 years ago, is the guy they have before them today. They also say im dependable and always their for the "family" (our group of friends), so now i take a bit of pride in that name. before i went to school, i wasnt too sure of who i wanted to be, it was a rushed decision that steered me on a much better path than where i was headed. For the most part, the people i associated myself with in high school were of a street mentality, and i honestly thought that that was the only way for me, but goin to school, gettin a higher education, and seeing my peers reach for the same thing showed me that theres a lot more to life, and its up to you what you make of it.

    I didnt mean to go off so deep about myself, but i just wanted to stress that these next few years, although it will be hard, are important in determing your future. Your girlfriend wants to fall back a bit to focus on her studies, and finding herself, i urge you to do the same. Im not saying you guys arent going to last, i have no idea how your relationship truely is, but live your life for you first, and your relationship second. Make sure you are at where you want to be and were you are at a place where you are comfortable with yourself and your future before you try to seriously bring someone else into it.
     
  10. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    When I first went to college, I was also working and didn't have much time to do anything social. From time to time, during winter months for example, I would stay in the residence halls instead of trying to commute 30 miles. The university I attended was actually said to be one of the models for the movie "Animal House", if you've ever seen that, and was kind of "wild" (you couldn't sleep at night and would nearly choke from the marijuana smoke and slip on beer foam in the hall - uh, I HOPE it was beer foam). Some of the women in one of the residence halls helped earn their way through college by running and outcall prostitution service, and so forth. I hear tell that at some colleges and universities (especially certain ones in VIRGINIA ;>) they are not listed in top ten of party schools because those doing the list don't count professionals! Anyway, when one gets into that atmosphere, no matter how committed one was to one's high school honey, unless they are right there on campus with you, there are going to be some changes, some distance developing - unless, of course, you attend VMI, The Citadel, West Point, the Naval Academy or the Air Force Academy in which case you are gonna be marching around and working your ass off or unless you attend a strict religious college or university, but, even then, with distance, there may be some cooling of the relationship. I've seen some relationships cool and then people break up during college and, to a lesser extent, I have seen some people actually become closer. I guess that no matter where you go to college or if you are in the military or work world, etc. the most important means of predicting how a relationship will last with distance is how strong the relationship was before the seperation and how hard the couple work to maintain it. I know that this will make me seem like yo' daddy (hey, didn't I used to know yo' mama?! I may BE yo' daddy!! ;> -'scuse me, just teasing), however, I think that the BEST thing anybody can do is to try to exist without any emotional ties, during high school, college and any professional or graduate school - just be an academic monk or nun, so to speak - and concentrate on learning as much as possible and getting as high grades as possible. Believe me, at the ancient and advanced age of 55, as a geezer, I can tell you for sure that after college, you will have PLENTY of time to pursue social interests and other interests but that high school and college work will translate directly into income. Future employers will not care in the least if you have never had sex, never got drunk, etc. (in fact, some will prefer it unless, of course, you enter the sex industry), but they WILL care a great deal about your grades, the courses you took, college academic societies you were involved with, etc.! Of course, some guys just can't leave that ol' 'tang alone and study, but the time will come when you will wish to heaven you had!!! Oh well!
     
  11. Puss_in_boots

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    My university, the University of Oregon, was the main location for the movie Animal House. It's one of the interesting bits of the university's history. Unfortunately, the fraternity house that served as the infamous 'Delta House' in the film is no longer standing. I'm not sure when it was demolished. Hmm..maybe I should Wiki it. :) Anyway, when I was a grad student I was a GTF (graduate teaching fellow) and I taught English Composition to lots of frat boys and sorority girls. Despite the way they are portrayed in the movies, for the most part they seemed very serious and dedicated and would make an effort to show up to class even if they were hung over from a party the night before.
     
  12. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Moved to Non-sexual General Chitchat Forum