How long should you wait to have sex in a relationship?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Sexual Person, Aug 16, 2015.

  1. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    I mean if you know the person for only like a month and then you start dating then when is the best time that it would seem appropriate enough to finally have sex or how long do most couples usually wait? So far I've only had sex with one person in my life though I feel we rushed it too fast after only 5 months. So I'm not even sure how to go about this my next time around. What should I do?
     
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  2. 10_3XL

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    This is a very personal thing -- and I'm sure that everybody's answer is different. I'm positive this will be verified once you get some more feedback to this thread.

    Some are comfortable jumping right into sex without barely having met someone and others hold off for a very long time. For me, I've always held off on taking things to a sexual place until I'm sure that both myself and my partner are feeling ready. In some cases that's meant that things moved quickly and in others it meant that it never happened because one or the other involved was never feeling that it was the appropriate time or direction to take.

    That's what it all boils down to -- the Right Time is when everyone involved feels it is the Right Time. Don't rush yourself or allow yourself to be rushed. :)
     
  3. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    I felt like I really wanted it with that first guy I did it with last year. I really loved him too, but he couldn't even really get me aroused like I expected. Anyway I'm already very much in love with my newer boyfriend and I think he's sexy. I already really get turned on, but I don't want to just rush things or make it seem like I'm a whore or something. Plus he's a virgin unlike me. I was thinking it could end up happening between us though with the next 6 months or so. Is that really okay? Because, he's starting to seem really sexually attracted to me too.
     
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  4. 10_3XL

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    First, let me say that if anyone considers you a "whore" for being sexually active and having a sex drive then they're an ignorant fuck and you can totally disregard their opinion. That's some painfully outdated and Puritanical thinking that's more damaging than anything else (trust me -- I've been on both ends of it).

    Second: Regardless of prior experience for either or you - don't put the pressure of a deadline on yourselves and don't get too mental about it. Let it happen naturally as the relationship progresses. Shit, if it happens tomorrow then that's equally acceptable to you two having sex 9 years from now -- it's all about (as I said above) the both of you feeling that it is the Right Time and the Right Thing.

    It is going to be a little more nervy and pressured for him if he has never had penis-in-vagina sex before (I'm guessing that's your definition when you say "virgin" as most people don't include mutual masturbation, oral, or anal sex as acts that "count"). There's a lot of external pressure put on men to be 100% awesome sex gods from the first time through eternity. Be reassuring, be supportive, be understanding, and help him without getting condescending or overly controlling. The only way people can learn and get better is by doing and practicing -- same with sex as with pretty much everything else.
     
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  5. lbushwalker

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    Could be first date, could be a year it all depends on the relationship and how hot or slow burn it may develop.
    There is no one answer that fits all cases here!
     
  6. 10_3XL

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    Sheesh, Bushy, way to swing in and say exactly what I said in about 10,000 less words. :p
     
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  7. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    Well I actually really don't think he has done most of those sexual things with anyone. Most likely he's masturbated though. I mean doesn't most people? He totally shows that he wants me though. I honestly wouldn't mind weather or not a guy has ever had sex or not. I just want to do my best to make his first time is awesome. The only thing I worry about. It hurt me so bad that I lost my virginity to the wrong guy last year though that I'm not even sure how long I should wait to have sex. I just want sex to be so perfect for me this time.
     
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  8. Wizard1002

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    I think the guys above have basically nailed it. It will all depend on both people and how prepared they are to commit to having sex and how comfortable or ready they are. It may be a few days or it may be weeks or months, but hopefully they both want the same thing and are prepared to not put pressure on each other (or themselves) to do what is regarded as the "norm".
    I hope you find what is right for you and follow that path - no one on here can do that for you.
     
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  9. lbushwalker

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    SP, my only advise is if it feel right for you then go ahead and fuck.
    Don't over think it from his point of view, just stick to yours.
    It will be ok :)
     
    #9 lbushwalker, Aug 16, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2015
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  10. Mittimer

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    Why does it matter to you how quickly or slowly you have sex? Who convinced you that it's somehow bad to have sex early in a relationship and furthermore why do you put so much merit into your virginity?

    Sex is messy and very rarely "perfect". Sex is meant for pleasure and procreation. If you aren't popping out babies, that leaves pleasure. If you want to have sex, just HAVE sex. Stop over thinking it.
     
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  11. Clintriprock

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    My first wife invited me to a party for our first date and half way through asked me to take her home and fuck her.

    My second wife (that I actually started dating in my 20's then reconnected with 6 years ago) I didn't get into bed for 3 whole days. When we got naked she kept putting her hand in front of her pussy when I tried to put my cock in. This went on for 4 nights. Finally the next night when she went to do that I held her hands behind her head and fucked her brains out. We were inseparable for a year and were just absolute animals together. We were living on a beautiful beach in Hawaii so it was a magic experience. Great surf, this incredible hot and horny girl to fuck several time a day.....
     
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  12. Amature

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    I understand your feelings on virginity and saving yourself for the right person. My first wife and I were engaged and had sex a few weeks before we were married. She was my first and she claimed I was hers. I think a woman gives a man a very special gift when she has sex with him. If she just gives it away to anyone, that gift isn't so special. I can see you're not doing that though. My second wife and I talked on the phone and e-mailed about a month before we met. And we had sex within a few hours of actually meeting. But, we were both in our 50's and lived quite a ways apart. We had talked for hours on the phone and if the average date lasted two or three hours we would have dated probable ten times. If you understand what I'm trying to say. She has been with a lot of men (in her estimation, not mine) and it does seem like the "gift" she shares with me isn't quite as special if I get to thinking about it sometimes, but on the other hand she knows what she's doing in bed and what I can and can not give her, so she shouldn't wonder what she's missing out on, if anything. When you get to feeling you want to share yourself with your boyfriend I suggest you use birth control and do it. I think sexual compatibility is extremely important in a relationship. And the only way you are going to find that out is by having sex. I've only been with two women in my life, and I can't help wondering what I missed out on when I was younger. Good luck with your decision. As long as you do what you are comfortable with, you will be fine.
     
  13. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    What does perfect sex entail? If you're imagining it like the movies or in porn, good luck. Sex isn't perfect, sex is two naked (or partially naked) bodies getting into weird positions, making weird noises, and the sharing of bodily fluids. Sex isn't love. Love isn't a prerequisite for sex.

    Sex isn't always emotional. Sex isn't always loving. Sex can be awkward. Sex can be funny. Sex can be messy. Sex can be great. Sex can be mediocre. Sex can be bad. Sex is what you and your partner make of it.

    These things being said, realize virginity is just another thing a person hasn't experienced. We all have long lists of things we've never done--whether it's because we don't want to or we aren't ready to or we aren't in an opportune situation.

    If you're ready, and he's ready... use some protection and go for it--whether that's tomorrow or whether that's a year from now. It's not going to be perfect. It may not even be good. It'll probably be awkward and clumsy. But that's what sex is.

    I know what you're getting at, but I disagree with it. This idea is nothing more than slut shaming, usually with religious origin.

    Do you feel the same way about gifts during holidays? Are you offended if your friends or family give everyone else a gift, including you? Is the gift somehow less of a gift?

    If I spread my legs and allow you inside me, you better treat it like it's a fucking gift. Regardless of how many other people have experienced the same. It's a choice I've made--and you've chosen to partake. Respect that.
     
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  14. David4020

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    How longs a piece of string! :D
     
  15. Amature

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    @Ra1nb0wUnderwear , I see your point. And yes, I would appreciate the gift you or any other woman would bestow upon me. Maybe the fact that only two women in this whole world ever chose to give theirselves to me is the reason I felt it so special a gift. If a man got a different woman every day he wouldn't appreciate it as much as someone like me, most likely. If you were given a new car on a game show, your very first and probably the only one you would ever have and afterwards you found it had 100,000 miles with the odometer rolled back to 0 with two previous owners and the other contestants went down to the factory and picked theirs up, would you be as grateful for you car after you found this out? Or just a wee bit dissapointed? What if they gave a car to everybody that drove by the studio? I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm not basing my feelings on religious teachings. I only wanted to try and convey my feelings on how much I value what a woman can give a man. I also said I wish I had more sexual experiences (partners) when I was younger. Without a willing female participant giving me her gift, I would have to masterbate. I had enough of that experience to make me appreciate a woman's gift.
     
  16. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I'm not a vehicle. I don't lose value after being used.
     
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  17. the_tone

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    My three longest relationships went like this:

    1) First love - penetrative sex was 6-8 months i think because she was a virgin. We did everything else.
    2) Crazy, horny girl - Loved sex. So do I. First night we met, we banged.
    3) Conservative, normal girl - Would never have thought but we had sex the first night we met too. Had dinner, a drive, watched a move at my house and then....clothes off in the bedroom and romping.

    So in my assesment...what does it mean? If both parties want it and it is mutual, have it. We are meant to receive sexual gratification. Sex doesn't complicate things as much as some make it out...IMO.
     
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  18. MariaMaria

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    100% agreed.

    Only you and your partner have the answer to that.

    Oh, gosh...please refer to @Ra1nb0wUnderwear's post for an eloquent response...I can't even...
     
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  19. Barent

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    I was single for many years, before I took the vows, and there was no way I would wait more than a few dates for sex with a woman until sex was happening. If it didn't happen by the third time, possibly four in several cases, I just didn't pursue it.
     
  20. Amature

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    Bad comparison. I apologize to all who I may have offended. Offending people was not my intention. A man or woman should be able to fuck as many people as he, she, or they want without worrying about what anyone may think about their activities before, during, or after their doing so. Each person is accountable for their own doings. For me to think or suggest anyone doing or giving me or anyone else something special is clearly insensitive and selfish on my part. I will work hard at trying not to utter the words "thank you" the next time my wife has sex with me, the waitress gives me another refill on my soda, or someone hands me a receipt for a purchase as I clearly read to much into their generosity.
    Neither can I.