[Ask a Girl] How long could you handle not being 'satisfied' in a relationship

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by ISOParadiseCity, Nov 14, 2012.

  1. ISOParadiseCity

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    I am a relatively 'healthy' male in my mid 30's.
    I LOVE sex and I LOVE pleasing the woman I am with.
    But, I had back surgery 6 months ago, and the 3 women I have been with since are flat out not satisfied with what I can offer sexually. Doesnt matter the position, oral, manual, foreplay. Each of them have for the most part (Im guessing 80% of the time) not been satisfied. I try as much as possible, but due to my back pain, and back issues, I am flat out unable to do whatever it takes long enough for them to orgasm. I am by no means selfish, it is more of a physical limitation at this point.
    Do any of the women here have experience with this? Comments, how you dealt with it, did the 'issue' become a dealbreaker, etc ?

    Please be honest, as I need some incite here, it is possible I have this issue for quite some time (6 months ?). I need to know how to mentally prepare/approach this. This may be an ongoing problem for me, and I am hoping this issue isn't as rare as i imagine it to be.
    Oh, and plllllllllleeeeaaase do not comment to the affect of, "once you find someone who loves you", or "once you find someone compatible" things will work out. Im pretty sure the gf I had immediately durig the time of my surgery got bored cause even though she was someone who orgasmed during actual sex regularly, she was unable with me due to my back problems/recovery. Selffish- YES, but true nonetheless.
    And trust me, I try foreplay for extended amounts of time, and I get creative.
     
  2. sandwich

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    Hi. I'm Sandwich...nice to meet you. My cousin's husband has had some similar issues, and she went to the library and checked out one or more books about sex that addressed what helps when there is pain or other physical obstacles in the way. I'm sorry I don't have anything more specific than that. Maybe others here will be of better help...good luck.
     
  3. RideNaked2

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    I'm not sure if this will be of any help or not....BUT, I had a back fusion involving 2 levels then 2 years later had another one involving 3 levels (the previous surgery over plus a level higher). I was unable to participate in any kind of sexual intercourse for at least 7 or 8 months after. The pain was unbearable so I just waited...difficult to do but it wasn't worth the pain. Maybe you aren't healed enough yet from the surgery...if you wait a bit longer possibly the pain won't be quite as bad??? Just food for thought.
     
  4. ISOParadiseCity

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    I have been seeing someone about a month ago, and she has a high sex drive. She has been so sweet, and patient with me.
    I will see her tonight, and I am considering talking to her about not having sex for a while.
    She is really great, but I honestly don't know if she will lose interest in me without sex for a while. I have read that one way bonds are created in relationships is through the connection between 2 people when they are sexually satisfied. I fear she will get bored, and it may be inevitable at this point in ky life.
    I am considering yoga, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.
    I have googling a lot about this lately, but it is hard to find direct answers to how people handled sex post op back surgery, especially for males.
    Thanks for the responses though! I will definitely think about what each of you said.
     
  5. RideNaked2

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    I don't understand if you have only been seeing this woman for a month...why is it that sex is SO important (I understand the high sex drive but there are ways to deal with that) at this point in the relationship...if you have a relationship just yet..? Take some time becoming friends then move into lovers. If this is a person that you may want to spend the rest of your life with...you have just that. The rest of your life together. Give yourself time to heal and don't get so down on yourself. Old fashion...maybe but still will most likely be worth the wait.
     
  6. lbushwalker

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    Hi ISO, I was and to some extent in the same situation a you pre and then post surgery.
    My Neurosurgeon was (he has since deceased) a real understanding guy and provided information on continued sexual relations throughout these episodes.
    First know your limitation an do not exceed them, second have your partner be the active one ie woman on top saves you back or doggy sex from the edge of the bed/couch with you standing and using your legs to thrust rather than your back.
    With a willing and understanding partner satisfaction for both parties is still a reality.
     
  7. JonJo

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    Cannot give any help/advice on your back problem but 1bushwalker's seems to be good.
    On the question
    How long could you handle not being 'satisfied' in a relationship
    I once had a relationship with a widow who had been married for 15 years to a man who had, due to an accident, become paraplegic after only being married for 3 years. She said that in the 12 years following she had never had an orgasm in all that time other than from manual, given by him or by herself. The marriage/relationship was happy because of all the other feeling that they had for each other. She said that in the first years he was acutely aware of and guilty about his shortcomings but the fact that he felt this way actually helped her and she (eventually) reassured him that she fully understood that it was in no way his fault and that their love was not only based on his sexual abilities.
     
  8. ISOParadiseCity

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    The past few women I have been with have been quite sexual. They really liked sex. And they needed it hard and often. I have also been with a couple women that never really instigated sex, and they were ok going a week or two or three without having sex. That was honestly with women that I think had actually wanted a relationship.
    Am I now meeting women that enjoy sex more than relationships ? (These women have been over 30 years old, except for my most recent)
    I think it's possible while in my 20's, I was with consistently with women that had sort sort of sexual hang up for various reasons.
    Now, oddly, I am dating women who don't have sexual hang ups, and have libidos and desires that are consistent with what I had in my 20's.

    Why is sex so important you ask ? It isn't everything, but I came to this forum asking for sexual advise, not necessarily relationship advise. And although appreciated, I don't put A LOT of value on a relationship only about 4 weeks in. I may end up staying with who I am currently dating a year from now. It very well may end, and considering the success rate of relationships, I am not holding my breathe.
    But, IF I am with my current date in a year, great, but it is wayyyyyy too early for that thought process IMO.