How jealous are you?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Marcpatrick, Aug 26, 2010.

?

Are you jealous towards your partner?

  1. My partner can't be trusted! I just know they would cheat if I wasn't around to check up on them!

    1 vote(s)
    1.6%
  2. My partner makes me jealous a lot. I do feel I have to keep tabs on him/her.

    5 vote(s)
    7.9%
  3. Not really, although sometimes my partner can be a little flirtatious.

    17 vote(s)
    27.0%
  4. Not at all. We trust each other implicitly.

    40 vote(s)
    63.5%
  1. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    I was talking to a female friend the other day and the topic of cheating came up. She told me that if she ever caught her husband cheating she would beat him to a pulp and then divorce him and fleece him for as much money as possible. She's quite a dominant type and is always phoning her husband as if she doesn't quite believe he is where he says he is.

    Her husband, as far as I know, is a very hard-working decent individual. His wife has made him give up all his friends, while still keeping all hers. I can't help but feel that she wants him all to herself. Her husband used to be a fun person to be around, but now he seems kind of timid and care-worn. I didn't want to get involved but I did say to her that she should perhaps monitor him less, as her fears of him cheating or lying may in fact push him into the arms of another (self-fulfilling prophecy).

    I guess I was curious as to how many people experience jealousy and what qualities in one person may trigger it in their partner.

    Are you jealous, and if so why or why not? Or is your partner jealous? Is she always half-joking, half seriously saying she would chop off your man-parts if you were to cheat? Do you constantly have to text or phone your SO to ask them what they are doing?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    There isn't any room for jealousy in my relationship because we pretty much tell each other everything. We're far to open and honest for me or him to get all up in arms about a little flirting.
     
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  3. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

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    ehhh kinda a hard question to answer....several months back my wife and i were going through a hard spell,a guy friend of hers from back home caught wind of this and always having had a thing for my wife, started sexting her....i figured something was up and one morning while she was in the shower looked at her phone and saw it. I was pissed....she did not respond with sexual comments back to him,but she also didnt tell him to stop. I told her that if she wanted to continue to be my wife that shit had to stop right then. She did stop it and knows that if she wants to go home to visit it wont be without me because this fucktard has a hard time understanding what no means. Do i trust my wife?yes. but i do sometimes think about what she put me through with this and some other things that happened at the same time and i have to remind myself to stay calm because we are in a much better spot.
     
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  4. HardRocker

    Gold Member

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    Marc, the guy you are telling us about sounds like he's really browbeaten by her. I have heard of one partner turning that way after they got married. I always wonder how well they really knew each other before they got married. I think that's questionable in a lot of couples that divorce or break up. In this case, she sounds mean to him. People are complicated so we'll never really know why one couple or another acts out like that.

    But to answer your question, no, my wife and I enjoy our time apart from each other. Something like falling to the temptation to become intimate with another doesn't really cross our minds. During some hard times over the last 26 years of marriage, mostly early on, I have had moments of worry about it, but it was all in my insecure mind, because deep down I knew I wasn't holding up my end. I think she did too when I traveled. And I think those times pass through many good marriages, but usually don't add up to anything. The longer we know each other the less we think about that. Sometimes if the phone rings and one of us picks it up only to hear a dial tone, the other will say, it must have been one of your boy/girlfriends. That's about the extent of it.
     
  5. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    We are not jealous at all. A lot of that is due to demonstrating, during many years of dating and 25+ years of marriage, that we can trust each other. In addition, we have established boundaries out of consideration for each other, since jealousy can be spurred by what others observe and comment on.

    Of course, now that we are 50 the odds of anyone being interested enough in either one of us to make the other jealous is very, very slim. :)
     
  6. HardRocker

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    :lol Don't you hate that!
     
  7. Lucky

    Lucky New Member

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    I had a very flirtatious first wife, she was a model and flat out fine. She eventually did play around on me, I worked long hours and she started believing all the comments made to her about how good looking she was, and I caught her and beat the crap out of the guy. We got divorced and I was very untrusting after that.

    When I remarried again, I was about as jealous as a man could get about my second wife, but over the years now, 33 in fact, we have learned to trust and it never enters my mind.
     
  8. Barbwire

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    There's a difference between wanting to kill a man for cheating because you've been deceived and having the same feelings because you are jealous of his lover.

    If my husband cheated on me I'd kick his ass out and file for divorce because he broke my trust and that isn't something I'd get over.

    On the flip side, I've told him he is more than welcome to bang other women just as long as I know about it in advance.

    Cheaters are liars and I will not suffer a liar.
     
    #8 Barbwire, Aug 27, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2010
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  9. cbrmale

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    I don't believe in jealousy and never did. If something's meant to be, it will be, and if it's not meant to be, then it won't. If a relationship's meant to last, it will, but if it fails, then there was something wrong. Similarly with extra-relationship sex, except that this is extremely common. Very, very common, and only a small proportion are pre-agreed open relationships.

    The most common reaction after an affair is the faithful party feels as if they've failed in some way. An affair doesn't mean that, because we're biologically inclined to be attracted to others, regardless of our core relationship. The least common reaction is divorce, unless the relationship was failing in the first place.
     
  10. Barbwire

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    The poll's third option doesn't make a lot of sense. Just because your partner can be a flirt doesn't mean you can't trust them.
     
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  11. luvbug

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    Flirting doesnt bother me. I have never physically cheated....I dont have concrete proof in writing that my SO did...but Im pretty sure he did many many years ago. He doesnt trust me for nothing. I constantly have to call him...let him know where I am....he treats me like Im a child...I have a daddy...I dont need another one.
    In all honesty...I dont see my marriage surviving.....but Im trying to stick it out and make the best of it for my daughters sake.
     
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  12. pussydog

    pussydog New Member

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    my wife is very protective of me like she dont want any woman around me and any time we talk about it she we say am just been careful cos i know girls are not to trusted.i just keep off girls.cos i want my marriage to work.i think she is jealous
     
  13. toyger

    toyger New Member

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    I used to be somewhat jealous when I was young, the I hooked up with a guy I had been in love with for 2 years.. the best about our relationship was the sex, I managed to please him like no girl before me, and he always gave me many orgasms every time, we probably were "a perfect sexually match for each other". ( I do not think I am "the best girl ever in bed", Do not get me wrong)
    This boosted my self confidence and I have not been jealous anymore. We stayed together for 8 yrs, before we went separate ways, sex is not always enough to keep to people together;)
     
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  14. awakened

    awakened New Member

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    cbrmale, as you all now I have been struggling with this lately. I completely believe in what you say and have come much more comfortable with the fact that my husband LOVES women, and know that does not mean he is going to fuck them, just enjoy OUR awesomeness!!!!
    I mean really, truthfully, who on here CANT long for us beautiful creatures:jerkit
     
    #14 awakened, Sep 17, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2010
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  15. young_gun_91

    young_gun_91 New Member

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    What cracks me up is how many people think that beating your partner's ass is the way to "get back" at them for cheating. I never understood, and never will.
     
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  16. Hobart Carboys

    Hobart Carboys New Member

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    I was married a very long time to "Brenda," my lovely wife. I loved, respected, and lusted after her for 30 years, and then she began flirting atrociously right in front of me almost every opportunity, every weekend. It got so I dreaded to go out in public with her.

    I guess I was a little jealous but never remotely "uncontrollably so." No. Brenda had always mentioned to others in my presence who she had dated or gone out with and her old boyfriends, but when she began this flirting thing, it all got worse. I felt absolutely disrespected. The few times I reproached her, she treated me as if I was crazy. Another time, she called me a barbarian for chiding her and said "Everyone does it!" Her ego was ballooning. She got to the point where at a table with other people she would be the only one talking to the man she was flirting with and everyone else would be listening and watching. That was near the end of our marriage and I felt sorry for her but no love. Funny thing, though, I was always sexually attracted to her. She had a fine figure, beautiful legs, and feet. Her face, too, was quite nice. We had two children, wonderful children. They understood me when I left. Divorcing Brenda was my form of spanking her. I enjoyed the heady feeling of punishing her. It was my completely satisfactory form of disciplining her, too, for all those myriad instances where she had either cheated or flirted. Incidentally, it was not all in my imagination. At one point during our marriage, Brenda's former boyfriend, a professional photographer, photographed her nude and a large poster-sized photo of her hung in the lobby of the maternity ward of a large hospital in our city. Brenda had to have given him permission to hang it there. She thought of course that her stupid hubby wouldn't recognize the bare body of his own wife; the model's face was averted. So she led me right past it. Well, I had suspected for years already that he had taken a nude photo of her; I had kept quiet about what I suspected and so she led me right to the absolute proof. People are proud of their secrets. It's an awful thing when the people they tell them to have to be former boyfriends or strangers instead of their beloved.
     
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  17. Sagittarius84

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    I hate to be unnecessarily gendered, but I tend to live by by the rap mantra: "Jealousy is a female trait."
    I've anecdotally observed that a jealous guy means one of three things: He's cheating(or is about to), he's abusive, or she's going to leave him once his insecurity peaks. I've made peace with the fact there will always be a better looking, higher paid, even bigger dicked guy, that would love to be with my gf. So if she wants to be shitty and dump the father of her child, that's on her conscience, not mine. Besides Ive jokingly warned her that a single father that has been cheated on is an aphrodisiac to lots of women..lol
    I wish she felt the same way, because her jealousy was ego boosting at first, now it gets tiring.
     
  18. Naughtypinkbits

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    Just quick.. Not sure if anyone's touhed on this yet. For me jealousy is different to trust. I've watched my partner have sex with another woman and been terribly jealous (I wanted to stop the whole thing... Just something about her, I could tell he was really getting quite intimate with her)...

    I didn't think he was gonna leave me for her.. I trusted him.. I just childishly got rather jealous of the moment they were having ...
     
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  19. Sagittarius84

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    So why allow it? It just seems counterproductive to be ok with your SO sexing different partners only to be jealous about it during the fact. You sound like my gf which is why I can't ever see a successful swinging, threesome, or polyamorous relationship with her. She'd allow it, only to resent me later.
     
  20. Naughtypinkbits

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    Can I please clarify it was only that one moment I felt intense jealousy.. Of what they were sharing because it appeared more than just fucking.. (You do click better with some rather than others in that way sometimes I get it) ... But we have been swinging for about 2 years now and enjoy a really varied sex life.. So I feel comfortable discussing an isolated incident which highlights the difference between jealousy and trust
     
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