How do you know when it's time to quit?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Ice Cold, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    How do you know when it is time to say goodbye? Time to throw in the towel? My girlfriend and I have been together for would be a year next week, but we just had another horrible fight with us both saying we want out. What are the signs, that you really can't work out your problems and that you really should quit? I love this girl to death, i would give her my right hand if i had too, and i know she would too, but the fighting is so much and so often lately, it is so hard to deal with.

    We have been having the same problems resurface in different ways, I am a very emotional person that needs a lot of love and affection, but i give it all back. I think about her always, and try to find little things i can do that will make her smile everyday. I have always been like this, even in past relationships, and while i know she would do anything for me, I just wish for her to do more little things for me. Over the year, she went from being a metro riding, DC Yuppie, to some how being broke with a chauffer. While i don't mind driving her to work, and to the store, and helping her out with a little money from time to time, i do mind receiving negative remarks for dropping her off late when it can't be helped, or being broke or not being willing to do whatever she wants to do, when she wants to do it. She is a great gal, she supports me all the time with school and emotionally, and does all the little stuff that you can't measure, but it is getting very hard to remember all those things, when i get nagged at for small failures to meet her expectations.

    I know i can be a handful at times myself. I have been depressed a lot and extremely emtoinal lately, and i know it is wearing on her. I try to keep my emotions in check, but i am a naturally sensitive guy, and i can't help it if it shows often when we argue. IMO this relationship would be fine if i could manage my emotions, and she could be more considerate about doing small things too, but lately the stress of graduating, finding a place to live and life has just been so much on both of us, that we forget to work on things we say we will. I do not want to loose her, she is my sun and moon, my best friend my everything, but I just can't continue living with the feeling of putting in more effort than she is. It is very diffiicult for me to stop caring, and stop doing all the small things for her; i love doing things for her, i love helping her and being there for her, but i can't deal with the dramatics when i fail in other aspects. It is so emotionally, draining and crushing. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    Have you told her how you feel?

    You need to sit down and talk together, without arguing.

    Alternatively, how about couples counselling?
     
  3. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I want to go to couples counselling, as of last night we are broken up, but i want to talk to her some more and try to work things out.
     
  4. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    Good luck ((HUG))
     
  5. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    It is obvious from your thread you want to make this relationship work - so you need to look at yourself and be willing to change and make more compromises.

    You have to realize that if you breakup with her, you will still have the same problems in any other future relationships. These same issues will arise once again, because you will not have learned how to deal with them.

    So why not learn how to deal with them now before you lose someone you seem to care deeply about?

    If your girl loves you and does in fact want to make it work, you both need to learn how to communicate and listen to each other. When I say listen, don't just hear the words she is saying, but understand them.

    I can tell my girl anything... she even tells me why she thinks Brad Pitt is hotter than Jude Law.. and I am not afraid to tell her I hate the pants she just bought.

    I recently felt like she wasn't showing me as much affection as she used to, and I talked to her about it. Turns out she was feeling stressed and it was affecting her.

    Now she is back to her old self and I'm more in love with her than ever.

    There is a reason for everything, and you have to learn how to get to the source of it without yelling and going for each other's throats.
     
  6. footfetishboy

    footfetishboy New Member

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    Do the both of you spend an excessive amount of time together? The solution to your problem might not be anything more than you both needing a week or two away from eachother... It's good for everybody. Try it, and if it doesn't work, then try discussing both of eachothers view points, wants and desires (best if done a day or two after the vacation, because it'll be much easier to tolerate than if you're always around her.)

    If that doesn't work, consult a relationship counceller. If that doesn't work, then maybe you both need to take a long term break off from the relationship, or discontinue it for a prolonged period of time, if not for good. Lacking what you want most really shows you it's value. Something that's easily blinded when spend with that person for a long period of time, day after day.

    Just think of it as emotional irritation.
     
  7. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    This is all great advice and I appreciate it. We have talked about me goin to counselling for my own issues, but what about hers? How do you get someone to be less selfish and more caring?
     
  8. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    if you fight this much BEFORE marriage..... then it's usually not worth pursuing IMHO.

    I mean dating and relationships are to find a long term mate. If you can't find a compatible long term mate, then it's time to look for a DIFFERENT candidate for a long term mate.
     
  9. PappaBear

    PappaBear New Member

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    If your in the position to ask "Is it over" your already holding the answer brah ;) . Or you wouldnt be considering it ..... Just try to end it as positvly as you can , making a bad situation worse never helps :) .
     
  10. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I Hear what your saying, but I've always been told that relationships aren't going to be easy. When we have good times, we have great times, when we have bad times we have bad times. I've been in worse fights and worse relationships before. The shit she does bugs me, but i think a lot of is environment. I definately wanna take a step back for a while and just think about stuff, but i know this women loves me and i love her, i know how i feel when im with her is like nothing else. I think we can work things out, but I'm not sure. People always say people never change, is that really true? If it is, who will i find that puts up with my crap? If she will stay the same from here on out, i think i would be pretty lucky to have a chick whos only flaw is that she doesn't smoother me like most other girls. I know im young and there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm also old enough to realize when i have a really great woman, that I don't want to loose. Relationships can be so difficult :( . I knew we would have this type of fight soon, but i just wish not now, we have really started working on our problems, only to have it all blow up.
     
  11. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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  12. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    added to last reply, after I posted it will go right to site clicking on link.
     
  13. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    People can change - if they want. The person has to take it upon themselves to change.

    Don't believe you can change someone though, or you will end up disapointed.

    When I was a teen and in my early 20s, I was wacked and there is no way my g/f now would of put up with my behavior back then.

    When I was about 22 I put my fist through a windshield because I was mad about something stupid. I was so pissed I didnt even feel a thing until I looked down and saw a huge piece of glass sticking in my hand... so as I was sitting in the emergency room I decided it was time to change.

    I learned how to control my temper and started to take my mom's advice on how to treat women.. I even started to read Cosmo and other women's mags to learn how they think and feel.

    Then I started to talk to every woman I knew and really started to learn about what makes females tick.

    I learned how to communicate and think about what my actions will accomplish... once you start to actively do this, it becomes very easy.

    Case in point..

    My g/f and I went to dinner on Sunday with her friend.. I wanted to order something to take home after our meal.. and the waitress didn't understand what I meant.. and my g/f blurted out "he is confused" which really pissed me off... so I let it go. When her friend went to the bathroom I told her that was really uncool to embarrass me like that.. and that I would never insult her like that in public. She apologized and promised not to do it again.

    In the past - I would of said something stupid right after she made that comment and tried to embarrass her right back. But I've learned that doing things before I think them over won't get me anywhere, except into a big ass fight.

    We came home from the restaurant and had amazing sex that night. If I had acted stupid - I would of been watching the latest episode of "King Of Cars" instead of getting an amazing bj and having my girl slide on top of me and ride me to an explosive orgasm that made my eyes roll back in my head.
     
  14. PappaBear

    PappaBear New Member

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    Here's what I want you to try brother-o-mine , take a peice of paper & write a letter to an imaginary person who does not exist . Tell them what your feelings are , what you see to be the problems with your relationship & the causes of those issues . Write down the good things your getting from being with her & the bad . Let it all spill out , write three , four or ten pages , then read it . Looking at what you've written will help you see more clearly , thoughts that are jumbled in your mind are clearly written in those pages , see'ing them on paper will help you sort them out easier .

    After you've read what you've written , burn it . Watch your problems & stress be purged in the flames & your troubles drift away in the smoke . This is a great tool i've used for years to sort my mind out & relieve stress , as goofy as it sounds I think you'll get some good from it >:]
     
  15. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

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    Re the change thing....

    In my experience (three marriages)....and talking to
    hundreds of women through my work....

    Men rarely change.....well only the enlightened ones!
     
  16. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

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    ....despite my admiration of people who hang on
    "for grim death"....(i too have done this in the past)...

    ...to my mind, there is nothing worse than living with
    another who cannot and does not want to (for whatever
    reason) fulfill your needs.....

    ...there are thousands of couples out there who stay
    with each other throughout thick and thin......and then
    realise when its "too late".....

    ...there could have been more....

    denial and sacrifice....two words to be meditated upon?
     
  17. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    Sound advice!

    And while you're at it Ice Cold, ask yourself if you're the sort of person you'd want to live with? Are you short tempered?
     
  18. whatsup5552007

    whatsup5552007 New Member

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    you quit when you just arent happy - life is too short
     
  19. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    thanks guys for all the great input. right now, we aren't together; we told each other we are gonna get out lives on track for ourselves, and so we can treat each other better when we feel we are ready again.
     
  20. PappaBear

    PappaBear New Member

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    Well I hope that however this turns out that you do well if your future either with or without her . Like was said above life is to short to waste being miserable . So here's to you & happiness where ever you may find it >;]