How do you get her back in the mood?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Jayce, May 26, 2006.

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  1. Jayce

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    I'm sure most of you know bits and pieces of my story. Been with my gf for 4 years, she went to college, blah blah. Now she's home, but... we seem to of hit a dry spell. There's certain times when we're alone I'll try to make a move which would normally be more than enough to "get" her in the mood, but lately she's just been blah towards it. This evening we were out to a movie and had some time to kill, so we went to this girls clothing store next door. I of course held up a teeny weeny black lace thong and commented on how nice it would look on her. I ended up getting it for her, and suggesting it'd look gorgeous on her, however she didn't seem to care all that much.

    One side of me thinks she's just making me wait to stir me up. We know towards the middle of June she will have the house to herself for about 3 days, which if history repeats itself it will mean, well... :brow , but on the other hand I'm not too sure, I almost feel like she got bored of it and just isn't interested like she used to be. I feel like our relationship, although it has been very well, it just has a missing puzzle piece... I hate to think like this because I'm trying my damned best not to think with my penis, but to me it just feels like we've been disconnected a bit. WHO KNOWS, maybe she'll cut loose in mid June when we have our chance... I don't know... It's quite a surprise too, cause she used to be one hell of a horny little devil. :(
     
  2. nerdcore86

    nerdcore86 New Member

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    This seems like its something you should discuss with your girlfriend. She might just be stressed. I know when I'm stressed, I'm not usually "in the mood". But it might be something more serious. If you talk to her about this in a way that doesn't put pressure on her for sex, I'm sure you'll get a straight answer.
     
  3. Jayce

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    We have talked about it, and I think she is stressed. She came home from college to find out she had to repeat a class at the local community college over the summer to make up for it. I mean, she's only had like one day to HERSELF since she's gotten home. She's been working about 6 days a week, and is petrified to get her wisdom teeth taken out next month.

    But besides all of these things, we have talked about it. She has just tried to end the conversation (or so it seemed), and just been like "Well I'm sorry I just haven't had that desire lately." And I've been honest with her, I just said it feels like we've disconnected in a way. Tonight, right before I bought her the thong, she was teasing me in the car. I told her to stop (joking around) and she said something along the lines of "Hey, you know what they say. The longer you wait the better it is."

    I don't know. Just gets old using my hand, to be honest. I'd rather share that moment again with her instead of just going solo all the time and "getting it overwith." Meh. Probably sounds like I just want to get laid, but I've had a lot of opportunities to just "get laid" recently... nothing like that is worthwhile unless it's with someone you love. Just wanted to throw that out there...
     
  4. pussycat69

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    I don't know.I think sex is a good stress reliever.And if I hadn't seen or been with my other-half in a while,I'd be all over him...regardless of what issues I had going on.

    And if she was a horny little devil like you said...

    I think you should talk to her.Maybe the distance is getting in between?(I hope not for your sake,but you never know)

    Talk to her.That's the only way to find out what's going on.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Jayce

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    I hate to ask again, because we talked about it already and it seemed like it was done and behind us, but nothing changed.

    I think I'll just ask her to model the thong for me. And, well you know-- :brow
     
  6. pussycat69

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    I guess it's worth a try;).I hope she models it for you and you get some wild action out of the deal...If she doesn't then i think you'll need "the talk".

    I hope you have lots of fun and catching up to do:tup
     
  7. gurlcat

    gurlcat New Member

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    jayce i think the thing to do would be to totally lay off for a while. i know it's hard and you're tempted to pry the answer out of her, but trust me i've been in her shoes before, and the more whiney you get about it, the more turned-off she'll get. be confident around her, flirt with her like you did when you first met, but don't push the issue. let her wonder why YOU don't seem to be horny and this could fire up the element of challenge in her. and when she does, play a little hard to get!

    if that doesn't work, and many days go by without her showing any interest, i hate to break it too you but it may be that she just doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. at least by backing off and letting her show you how it is, you'll know sooner than later.

    you sound like a nice feller and no it doesn't sound like you just want to get laid. i mean yeah she makes you horny, but besides that you understand deep down that sex was part of yall's love and without it, it feels like she loves you less. the tough thing is, that may be true. or, like others have suggested, it could be stress or medication. but believe me, the thing to do now is BACK OFF. there's nothing less sexy than a whining, leg-humping little puppy.
     
  8. Jayce

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    Gurlcat, I've laid off for 3 months, showing zero intension or desire to do ANYTHING. :(

    I think I'll just use a subtle joke about her modeling the thong, because I often say that anyway even when I didn't want anything! Then maybe after that hope something sparks when the house is to ourselves.
     
  9. hotbabe28

    hotbabe28 New Member

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    My advice is do what u want, If u want to talk to great if she doesn't then hang out together or what ever u feel is right.

    gurlcat, u ok? u don't sound very happy :eyes
     
  10. gurlcat

    gurlcat New Member

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    not sure what you mean. i'm pretty happy.
     
  11. Jayce

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    What about you ladies out there, tell me something... Have you ever just gotten into such a "blah" period that you just didn't feel like doing much of anything? I know she's been under stress at school, and she thought the summer would eliminate that, but after receiving a new position at her place of work her stress just continued on. The thing is I think she forgets how big of a stress reliever a simple orgasm can be, because every SINGLE time she's sat back and just said "whoa" after a few in a row, she always happened to say "I never thought I'd feel this relieved." Kind of tells me that in her state of mind right now, she may not think that doing anything will help until after she already does it... Sorta-kinda get what I'm saying? I suck at explaining things. :mad
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Actually, you explained it quite well.
    And to answer your question, Yes - I have gotten into such a 'blah' period. Mine came when I was working with and heading up a very demanding ongoing 'project'. At the same time, I had a teenager who was hell-bent on ruining her life, and two elementary kids who had piano, soccer, swim team, drama class... etc.... My husband wanting sex seemed to come across as "just one more person demanding something from me, whereby eliminating any free time I might have otherwise enjoyed" .:eyes
    And, Yes, it was always in retrospect that I realized that sex was an incredible stress-reliever. I remember quite often saying, "WHEW! :) We gotta do this more often - I feel so good now,.."
    It's was very hard to get me from "I don't have time..." to "Wow that was great.."
    Of course, relaying my experience does nothing to help your problem. But it does add credence to your observation. Your patience is commendable. Your frustration is evident. I'd suggest taking one day at a time. Give her the space she needs right now. Help her find ways to relax, and get her mind off things that make her feel stretched to the limit.

    Different people have their 'limit'
     
  13. Jayce

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    Rose, I really like how you quoted your opinion of it during that time, where as "just one more person demanding something from me." In such few words it describes everything I was trying to understand with her.

    I think we'll do that. Maybe go for a walk here and there or something, maybe lay out in the backyard for a few hours. Maybe that'll help? Meh, we'll see. Thanks for the reference from your personal experience.
     
  14. pirouette

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    Jayce, I also have had this problem. It's nice to know that I'm not the only woman to experience this. After opening my own business I lost interest in sex with my husband. :( Not because of anything that he did, but because my work consumed me -I was working about 80 hours a week. The first 6 months were dreadful. Even when I had a day off, I would run around banking, post office, errands, house cleaning. It seemed like I couldn't even relax when I had time to. I guess I need a lot of time to unwind and just wasn't getting any. My husband did make big efforts to help remedy the situation. He would do really simple things that helped buy some time with me. Like, doing all of my household chores for me (what a surprise that was!), picking up groceries and running stupid little errands so I wouldn't have to. I have come home to some spectacular bubble baths complete with candle light and wine! My husband never made any insinuation about having sex. The less pressure the better. It did help but it also took time to adjust to a hectic schedule. Moral of the story? I guess I like my husband more 'cause I decided to retire. I must say, it has changed my sex life.:eek:
     
  15. ImaginaryFriend

    ImaginaryFriend New Member

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    I don't know anything about sex, and my views about the things I do know are generally wildly unpopular... but I had my wisdom teeth out, so I can answer questions about that if you need it.
     
  16. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    If you have any more percocets left, can I have a few? :lol
     
  17. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    I don't know anything about sex either. However, if you want to know about life in Sweden I'm your girl. :lol
     
  18. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    What about sex life in sweeden?
     
  19. loveitrough

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    I think from some of her replies sex in sweden is hot
     
  20. Jayce

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    Well the topic came up tonight, and I casually asked about it. She told me her feelings and side of it and it kind of shocked me. You see, after her and I had intercourse for the first time, yeah it was great, but at the same time it was like "okay, we experienced it, that was great, but let's go back to what we did before (everything but actual intercourse) to avoid any surprises." And I thought that's what we agreed on. However she was still under the impression that I was really gung-ho about continuing on with sex, despite the fact she didn't want to. So, I cleared it up with her a bit by assuring her that I felt the same way she did, and if we ever did mess around again intercourse was not what I was after. I think that kind of made her happy, and at the same time she's like well I hate planning anything like that... so if it comes up, then it comes up. But I don't want to plan it. (like, okay I'll be over in 2 hours to fuck. Stuff like that).

    So anyway, I feel kind of good that we're now on the same page instead of reading from different books. Just figured I'd share.
     
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