How do you deal with a break up?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Firecracker, Sep 7, 2007.

  1. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Brunswick
    This is the first time I've had a break up where my feelings for the guy were still there. The other times my feelings had disappeared beforehand. My ex said he fell out of love with me and that it wasn't my fault. How do you deal with break ups? Right now it really hurts. I know it will be easier once I go back to Canada and am out of his place. But until then I would appreciate some suggestions of how to get through this? Some days are ok, others are really difficult. Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm angry and other times I'm sad. Hope this isn't the wrong place for this post.
     
  2. charged

    charged New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Virginia
    Try getting out of the house....head out with some friends and do something fun. Don't sit around the house by yourself.....doesn't help.
     
  3. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Brunswick
    No, it doesn't. But the only friend I have here is the one with whom he's been spending most of him. It will be healthier for me in Canada. At least it will be familiar.
     
  4. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    197
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    Go out, have some fun doing the things that you enjoy most, and learn to enjoy your own company....that is my best advice.
     
  5. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
    Messages:
    933
    Likes Received:
    0
    I feel the pain... I've been through it twice... The best thing to do is remember they is someone else out there... keep your mind occupied. As you say get back to Canada, Not seeing them makes it a whole lot easier.

    And I'll say this, don't try and stop yourself from crying... the pain goes for a while and releaves you of all the stress that heart pain causes. Make some new friends... Go to a cafe, make friends... It's hard but if you can get some friends to keep you occupied until you leave... It would be a good thing... also don't be afraid to talk about it to anyone... Well people you trust... It helps clear everything else...

    I found that without making you hate him, writing a list of all his faults will make you realise you deserve better. (Y)
     
  6. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Strawberry Fields
    I go running, good for clearing the head.

    Don't go out drinking, it'll make you feel worse.
     
  7. Smiddy666

    Smiddy666 New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    This recently happened to me, the pain goes away eventually, it took me a couple of weeks. or go and find somebody else
     
  8. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    Horribly, my last break up was years ago, its only now im feeling like i am finaly and fully over it...
    Im useless at getting over break ups
     
  9. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    Yeah... I'm really sorry to hear about any breakup; they ALL suck:( but I think we all share some part of your pain...

    I had a particularly nasty one a while back; luckily I was so busy with life at the time I just had to keep moving through; otherwise I'm not sure what I would have done.

    Seriously, for a week or two you will do well to SWAMP your life with so many things you have no time to pee... The biggest danger you will probably face in the near future is time; time to think about him, time to regret, time to overanalyze... really, just find some extra projects; volunteer somewhere, starve yourself of idle time that can do you in:)

    You'll pull through; we all have:) Just keep moving, and time has a funny way of healing:)
     
  10. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2007
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    AZ
    "My feelings were still there." That is the key. I have been there twice. Once when my first wife and I divorced and again when the girl I got involved with to avoid morning that split. That is why I say don't go find another right away. We make bad choices when we feel week. Take time to morn. When you can wake up in the morning and he is not something you think about the first hour then start dating. :)
     
  11. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,836
    Likes Received:
    5,826
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    I am a little bit emotionally sensitive, so I have felt this on at least three occasions in my life. They were times when I was very emotionally involved with my partner and when the break occurred I was devastated:(

    The only thing I can suggest is hang in there because time really does heal all wounds.

    For the rest of your life you will remember the people you have loved before, but the pain of loss does decrease with time.:)
     
  12. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Brunswick
    Most of the time I feel numb and I can talk to my ex fine on the phone. But in person all the feelings rush back. Today, he brought our female friend by while he did some work on the computer. It's at her house where he's been staying. I was bitchy this morning but apologized on the phone. I definitely can't consider my ex a friend right now. All I can do right now is bide my time until I can leave.
     
  13. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,836
    Likes Received:
    5,826
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    Dear Firecracker, Please be strong, you owe it to yourself:)

    I know it seems hard now and you might even be thinking of preferred scenarios but if you need to get over this period of your life you need to be strong and focus on yourself and what is most productive for you.

    I realize it is hard, especially if you are in close contact with your ex, I wish I could say something that would ease your heartache but it is hard in our situation on the Net. Just remember that YOU are number 1!! :)
     
  14. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    Thats shitty of him to bring the woman he has been going with round and put her in your face especialy so soon after the break up....:(
     
  15. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    Hmm... yeah... may I also STRONGLY recommend totally breaking contact... ok I know that seems WAY harsh, but I really think thats the healthiest way for all parties considered. I dont know enough about the history and all of that, but it seems like there is an unbalanced attachment going on; one person feels more than the other, which is NOT good to be around. I would never have made it through some breakups of my past if I was still "friends" That just doesnt work:)
     
  16. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Brunswick
    Now, I just need to get out of his trailer. Once I go back to Canada everything will be easier regarding the break up. Now, it's just a matter of time until the money is available for me to leave. He never cheated with the female friend. But it bothers me how he's been around her. Always hugging and kissing her. And once I saw him fondle her. I'm doing the best I can. Some days are easier than others. Thanks for all the advice and support everyone!
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    If he was wishing to be a freind he would at least show you some respect by not bringing her round , whilst he knows you have no ption as yet to move away, descretion is the better part of valour so i was told ..

    Once you move back to canada id say try your best to forget about him, and dont take the option of friends as it seems he would flaunt new girl friends in your face.
    He isnt worth having loads of heart ache over ...

    I was told once positive thoughts said you yourself in your mind over time will make them true in yourself .
    so your a strong young beautiful sexy female that deserves far more from life. :)
     
  18. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Brunswick
    Thanks Kronnie. I do need more confidence.
     
  19. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    Short steps , just rebuild your inner self one step at a time ( it may sound silly ) but telling yourself that you are beautiful sexy smart intelligent and warm caring with loads and loads of love to give and share , over time youll get your confidence up..
    but i would say do it for just one person only ..........yourself :)
     
  20. FUNonthe1stdate

    FUNonthe1stdate New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I know EXACTLY what that's like. Some moments are simply harder than others. I JUST (as in two days ago) got told by my SO that she's actually not ready for such a commited relationship.

    Honestly the thought that she didn't want to be with me was horrible. Like the worst dreadening sensation I've ever experienced. Honestly it felt like having my insides ripped out, and needing to puke simultaneously and wanting to jump out of my skin. There was this dark coldness permeating everything, my world was crushed.

    Some moments I feel as if I'm almost completely over it, or at least accepting of the fact that it may never work, or that it may take time (we still are friends and we do keep contact).

    But everything already stated in this thread is helpful. It's hard for me to be in public but its even harder to stay home. It's all about keeping yourself busy. I know it sounds cliche but time really does heal wounds, although sometimes very slowly. Also not thinking about it really helps.

    Anything I can distract myself with is a good thing. I never want to be in my apartment now because that's where we spent our time together. It happens.

    Good luck with the healing process.