How do I tell guys I'm already taken?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Miss Kitty, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. Miss Kitty

    Miss Kitty New Member

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    Man, how do I get myself in these situations...

    I have a lot of guy friends, because I'm into a lot of "guy" things, like cars (tuning and mechanics, not just what's pretty and fast), video games, computers, etc. I have a lot of girl friends too, so don't get me wrong. Every one of my guy friendships are strictly platonic, because I have a boyfriend, and I'm not the cheating type.

    Now, the dilemma. I met a guy this evening at school, and though we only talked here and there during class (we were lab partners but in a large group), we hit it off, and later agreed to get coffee on Thursday. I think he's a cool guy, and I'd love to befriend him and branch out my network a little. But I know, and you girls KNOW that you can tell, that he is "feeling" for any relationship potential. (If you'd like details...I caught him staring in class twice, and at the end of lab, I took forever to get my things together, but he still waited for me, and as we exchanged numbers he seemed awkward) So my question is, how do I let him know that I'm looking for friendship only? I know that bringing up the boyfriend card in conversation is kind of rude at this point, and if I did that things would be too awkward afterwards, and I probably wouldn't hear from him again. I don't want to just ignore him or cancel indefinitely, because I want to be friends. How do I ease things over to friendship before I make the wrong impression?
     
  2. Adramalech

    Adramalech New Member

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    Put it this way, if he finds out that you have a BF and stops talking to you, he wasn't going to be a good friend. Just drop a few hints in class when you're talking to one of your friends and make sure he's in earshot. That's what I would do out of respect of my S/O.
     
  3. Emart

    Emart New Member

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    I respect women less as a whole after reading this thread.
     
  4. SexyScorp

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    Just be honest and say to him that you would like friendship but you are actually
    with someone at the moment....

    Its that simple honey?
     
  5. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    Don't panic, you're only at the start of the learning curve, there's a long way to go before you realise that you'll never understand them, but you'll certainly learn to respect them.
    Well some of them at least.:D
     
  6. Miss Kitty

    Miss Kitty New Member

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    Geez, I am trying to be as nice as possible to the guy. I could have ducked out or ignored him, but somehow that strikes me as being rude. I would have taken an opportunity to mention me having a boyfriend if there was ever a chance to do so, but lab was busy and the walk was short.

    I'm sorry that a forum thread could cause you to lose respect for an entire gender. Ironically, your reaction causes me to feel the same way.

    Thanks for the suggestions to those who gave them. I think the reactions spoke louder though. I'll stick to the guy friends I have, because apparently making more reduces my respectability.
     
  7. cbrmale

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    Bloody hell, where is this guy from?
     
  8. SexyScorp

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    Its okay Miss Kitty....you didnt do anything wrong....

    I feel you were judged wrongly there...

    Emart...what is your problem here?

    :)
     
  9. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Oh dear, oh dear...perhaps he misunderstood what you said or maybe he sincerely believes that guys and girls can never become platonic friends and any attempt to do so is disrespectful. Either way I'm finding difficulty tracing the source of your hostility Emart, so perhaps you'd like to explain exactly what it is about Miss Kitty's post that you find so offensive.

    As for your dilemma Miss Kitty, I'd be as straightforward as possible with this guy. Tell him you'd love to hang out with him but that you have no intention of becoming his girlfriend. He'll either accept it or he won't.
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Like someone said , just ask to be friends.
    He may be nervous because you are to him very pretty ( i know i always used to get very nervy around females like that not because i wanted to hit on them, but because i was never very confident about my looks, so i found it difficult to try and break the ice for friendship)
    I dont see you did anything wrong either.
     
  11. Aubrey1972

    Aubrey1972 New Member

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    Wow people! Lets not all gangbang emart! I may be wrong but his comment seemed to drip with scarcasm! Imo he was simply saying that am's reply was the type of stuff that keeps guys wondering [EVIL]am I or aren't I, is she or isn't she.[/EVIL]. Sexyscorps reply is what every guy wants to hear.....a straightfoward yes or no! I am sorry but that is the adult way to handle it. No....let my friend tell your friend crap. If he is mature enough to be just a friend then that is what you get, with a honest talk. Believe it or not guys can get hurt by fickle women (not saying even 10% are). Emart is young enough to remember (or might be) being strung along by a girl who cant make up her mind who she wants. I'm sure he meant no harm by his response.
     
  12. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    When you aggreed to coffee, he assumed you were in play ! Because as a guy, we know that no girl with a serious BF would go for coffee. So he's golden at least for a fuck buddy if nothing else.


    Rule # 1 - Men are pigs.
    Rule # 2 - we have enough friends. It's pussy we want.
    Rule # 3 - refer to rules #1 & #2


    Girls if you ignore these, then you are misleading yourself ! This is a fact we already programed into our teenager so she won't be surprised when she gives it away, and the dude never calls again!
     
  13. SexyScorp

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    What?

    Having coffee a man means the chance of a shag......really???
    WOW!!!!

    Oh dear I thought my MOTHER was a bit weird when she used to
    say "there is no such thing as being just friends with a man"

    haha
     
  14. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Rule # 1 - Men are pigs.
    Rule # 2 - we have enough friends. It's pussy we want.
    Rule # 3 - refer to rules #1 & #2
    Rule # 4 - Lucky not every guy is like this.

    ( I myself have had lots of female friends, didnt mean i wished to have sex with all, me i find female company far more relaxing than male company. even as a teen this was the case with me )
     
  15. heelfetish

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    You and me both, Kronnie. :)
     
  16. SexyScorp

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    Oh thank God for enlightened men....

    if coffee equals shag

    we ARE in trouble!!!

    lol
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Maybe any word or anything a female does = shag to some lol :p
    hahaha

    I just hope the daughter grows up to find not all guys are how her dad says they are.

    No offence intended but we are not all alike.
     
  18. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    Your mother was right.

    Oh I have women friends, but not from hooking up at school, exchanging phone numbers just to meet for coffee. Let's not be naive.

    The OP point was how do I tell him I am in a commited relationship, and I say she missed that window(hint: it would have been before exchanging phone numbers. I hope the BF don't answer her phone!). .

    I say, leave the dude alone.

    Here is a test. Do you think her boyfriend cares if she tells him, hi honey, look, I got a phone number of this swinging dick just so we can meet, have coffee, and be pals ?

    pleaseee ! Of course the BF's first thought might be, Cool, threesome! Then it is all cool if that's what everyone wants to do.
     
  19. SexyScorp

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    No sorry that doesnt make sense at all...

    Do you mean that is how YOU would look like it...

    Not the men that I know...

    My hubbie for one has female friends....I can see with my very
    perceptive eye it aint a shag he is after, its friendship......

    And sorry....God rest her soul....my mother wasnt right on this
    particular occasion.....just naive....and scared of men actually

    :)
     
  20. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    indagroove , you have to realise that not all men , do thing how you and maybe your male friends do them, there are billions of men, not all are how you think.