How can I spice things up?

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by Oriana, Jul 26, 2006.

  1. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    First I want to say I just turned 20 on Saturday. My fiance is the first guy I've ever had sex with. I've never even masterbated. We've only started having sex a little while ago so we are pretty new to this.

    Well, my fiance and I are getting bored with the same thing all the time. What really sucks is we are both submissive and I want to be dominated. I refuse to let another guy in me. The only positions we know are me on top, him on top, side, and doggy. What else could we do?

    Also, what is the point of lingerie? He wants me to get some because I complain that I want to spice up our sex life. Well in my eyes it's for whore's and yes that fits because a whore is also a person that compromise one's principles for personal gain. Therefore girls who wear that stuff are whores. You end up naked anyway, why not cut to the chase as quick as possible?
     
  2. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    part of spicing it up is NOT cutting to the chase... make things linger, be playful...

    lingerie is not for whores, the point of it is leaving a little to the imagination, sure your fiance knows what you look like naked, but when you're not completely naked he has to think about it, which my man always says turns him on...
     
  3. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    yes, but cant you have foreplay without all that CARP. im sorry, but i see no sense in it. shouldnt sex be all about just that. the positions, the hot wax candles, things like that. clothing just inhibites everything...or does it actually add to it? i try to picture myself in the stuff and i feel like a whore. i have a pj shirt and panty set and i feel like a whore wearing just that. could it have something to do with the fact that im fat?
     
  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    The first thing I notice is that you want to be dominated, he wants you to wear langirie, and you say no. That is screaming to him that you will not allow yourself to be dominated.

    In my opinion, if you feel like a whore, you are not wearing things that flatter you and make you feel sexy, so there is an area to work on.

    The thing that has helped me spice up my sex life more than anything is a change in perspective, by researching Tantra. To me, it's not about the positions, or the climax. The sexual experience is the entire time from that first sparked look long past the climax. Tantra reinforces this and teaches you how to enhance every step. The fact that you feel that you need a spark so quickly after becoming sexually active leads me to feel pretty confident that this will help you, along with some really candid conversations here. An amazing, hot sex life is what we all want..... so stick with us and we'll all get there!
     
  5. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    i forgot about that...good idea. The only thing I own that is somewhat sexy is a shirt and panty set, and I still feel like a whore. here lately it seems that everytime i look at a piece i always see a girl who is taking it foo far right after. like last night he and i were talking about it and i found that teddy in the catalog. then ECW came on and one of the girls on there is an exhibitionist. she takes her clothes off then that is what she is wearing. it makes me sick and makes me feel like a whore if i try to picture myself in it.

    I don't have to be wearing clothing to be dominated though. Just a simple d-ring choaker and a pair of heels. What about that?
     
  6. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I agree O. I'm saying, he is telling you that he wants something, and you are resisting, which will likely give him the impression that you will not take being dominated well. If he gets that impression from you, he may not ever reveal to you that part of himself that may be the dominating mate you yearn for from time to time.

    What a person wears, I believe, is not what makes them a "whore". How a person behaves. You control your behavior.

    Can you define to me what you believe a "whore" is? It's a word you've used several times, but not in a context that I understand. (Again, not an interrogation, but an attempt to understand this situation from YOUR perspective.)
     
  7. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    i think its for whores and the word actually worx bc it is a person who compromise one's principles for personal gain. Plus he's submissive also and he wants to be dominated by me. When I beg him to dominate me he says no because he is afraid of hurting me.
     
  8. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    You think what is for whores?
     
  9. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    woops, first part got deleted. I think the clothes girls wear for "play" are for whores becasue only girls who wear it compromise one's principles for personal gain. therefore, lingerie is for whores. a lot of girls agree with me. i think there is no need for it when you can play perfectly fine without it
     
  10. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Okay, as I promise not to make judgements about you, we need to (I feel) have a discussion about judgement of others based on certain criteria. You may not feel the need for this particular thing (lingerie) but that does not make anyone who does wear these clothes a whore. It is a perception, an opinion. I wonder where that opinion came from for you.... and it may take you awhile to figure that out.

    I believe human nature is doing thing for personal gain. Compromising one's principles for personal gain..... makes one selfish, I believe, not necessarily a whore. I believe we all compromise our principles at one time or another, that certainly doesn't make me a whore. Though I'm sure once you get to know me, you will think me one. Sigh.
     
  11. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    What I put was in the dictionary as part of the definition of whore
     
  12. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    MY dictionary states that a whore is one who has sex for money; a prostitute. It may also be used to describe someone who is promiscuous or immoral. Now promiscuous and immoral are both subjective. What you may think is promiscuous may be someone how has sex rarely to another. And immoral to you is not necessarily immoral to me. Just my polite request that you tread carefully with names.
     
  13. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    Ok... I do not wanna offend anyone so it makes ME feel like a whore.

    Even this makes me feel like one

     
  14. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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  15. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    I'm sorry that you've been led to believe that wearing lingerie somehow makes you whore. The definition of a whore is someone who offers sexual services for money. And at least I don't see anything wrong with that. They are simply providing a service for which there is a demand. However, we can get into the should prostitution be legalized discussion in a different thread.

    A whore is not someone who wears a little lingerie in order to spice up their sexlife. If wearing lingerie makes you a whore then I guess by that definition my mother, sister, grandmother, all my female friends (not to mention myself) are all whores. Lingerie is not just peek-a-boo bras and crotchless panties. It's any women's underclothing or it can be a pretty nightgown.

    Wearing lingerie does not make you a whore any more or less then being naked.
     
  16. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Sometimes, partners do things for the other partner, simply because they know he/she enjoys it. I wouldn't equate that with "compromising one's principles" - perhaps "compromising", but that is a good thing in anything a couple does.

    You desire to spice things up... and he's given an idea that he would like to see implimented, but you refuse. You stated that your desire is to be dominated, yet the very first thing he demands ('asks') you to do for him.... you refuse. :shrug That's not getting off to a real good start. I doubt he's really going to be allowed to play that 'dominant' role that you think you want.
     
  17. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Actually, in my part of the woods, "out in the boonies", Virginia, a person was a "whore" if they were extremely promiscuous (having sex with many, many, many people) and did not ask payment for it and did not have any emotional attachment, necessarily, to the people with whom they had sex. On the other hand, a prostitute was a "workin' girl" or "workin' boy" who had sex for pay. Clothing - which would usually be taken off to some extent - had little or nothing to do with it. What ya oughta do, as far as the clothing goes, is get a Fredericks of Hollywood catalogue and a Victoria's Secret catalogue, sit down with your honey, page through them and ask him what he likes (referring to the clothing, not the models, ha, ha). If he sees some CLOTHING that appeals to him, in one of the catalogues, perhaps you might consider purchasing it and wearing it from time to time when you want to get him horny and in bed. The clothing is sort of like Christmas morning (or similar gift giving holiday for other religions) when you get to open your packages and then get to play with the goodies inside the package, if you catch my meanin', if you get my drift. Also, in the positions which you mentioned, you did not mention "69", that is, mutual oral sex, which is my very FAVORITE position and which I would commend to you! Also, since you have a computer (otherwise it might be difficult for you to read these postings, ha, ha), you might consider using Google or some other search engine to look up "sex play", "sex positions" and "fetishes" - not to mention the fetish message board here. You'll find a number of "eye opening", um, "interesting" things on some of those web pages! Yes, indeed! Also, I notice that you are from Kentucky. You and your fiance could always go to Lexington, try to sneak into the University of Kentucky football stadium at night and make love on the 50 yard line or in the endzones (yep, you'd really be "scoring" on the football field)! ;>
     
  18. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    Ok herhubby, I don't think you got the point. I won't wear it because I will feel like a whore. As for the domination part of it, he won't do it anyway even before the whole lingerie thing came up because he's afraid of hurting me. As for the football field, neither of us drive and even if we did we don't have a car. We don't do oral or anal, no toys, nothing. Just him and I.

    Also, WHAT'S THE POINT OF WEARING LINGERIE IF IT'S GOING TO BE ON FOR A SECOND THEN OFF AGAIN????!!!! I don't see that point. And yes, it is for whores. Whores wear it, there you go. Strippers wear it, there you go. I'm a prude I know.
     
  19. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    You don't want to wear lingerie, don't.
    Just seems you are wound a bit tight for someone who just asked us for ideas to spice up your sex life.
     
  20. Oriana

    Oriana New Member

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    But does it have to include that. But like I also asked, what's the point in buying something that will be worn maybe once a week for one second then comes off?

    Isn't there any other way? If not, then I guess we're going to have a boring sex life.