how can i last

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by mcbean, May 29, 2006.

  1. mcbean

    mcbean New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2004
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    My current gf n i have only been going out 4 a little while the problem is she’s one of those girls who believes in waiting 4 marriage before having sex. Now she’s desperate 4 sex so she is kind of unsure as to wait or just go 4 it.

    Anyway, even if she said yes she tells me that the relationship would have last for over a year before sex was going to occur. Now personally im a physical/hands on person i love to pleasure and i show my affection through physical acts (eg. sex). Now we've only been going out 4 a lil over a month n i have yet to feel like were ready for sex so at the moment its ok.

    The thing is at the rate our relationship is going well be at that level (wanting sex) way before a year comes around. So my question is how do I contain my passion/affection for my partner for that amount of time (we're talking like 6+ months here). Do u guys know of some way to demonstrate ones affection which doesn’t contain any sexual means? Obviously there are ways but are any of them as effective as sex?

    The reason this is such a problem is cause I hate being in a relationship where I cant express my love fully, but at the same time I respect her values and morals.
     
  2. TenkoAtlon

    TenkoAtlon New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2006
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Trust me the the longer you wait the better and your relationship will last long sometimes doing things the faster way don't turn out so good.There a lot of other ways you can show affection rather than sex kissing,cuddling,nibbling on her neck and being really romantic.Sex for me is the base of my relationship when i had sex with my wife i waited 3 years for that and it was worth because she's the love of my life.She also had the idea of waiting till marriage and i'm glad she thought of that way.
     
  3. Mari

    Mari Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2006
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington, DC
    She believes in waiting until marriage, but she'll compromise by waiting a year even though you still won't be married by then? That is a very artificial delay. It has no meaning. It is delay for the sake of delay. She could have said to wait a month or six months or ten years. It's just a random choice. This is hardly better than playing a game.

    I am not sympathetic to this girl's position. Don't pressure her, of course, but let her know your view, and move on if necessary.
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    That's a very good point, Mari. Quite perceptive.
    I get the feeling that she had strong personal convictions concerning sex before marriage. Could be that now she's experiencing some rather strong sexual desires, and is trying to deal with it by re-setting the time line.

    McBean, communication is the most important thing. Just remember not to try to steer her into your way of thinking. Do alot of listening. If you can keep it unbiased, help her work through her feelings. That's what friends do, and friendship is a good solid foundation for any lasting relationship.

    Spending bucket-loads of time alone, in each other's arms, kissing, touching.... is going to make it all the harder to resist that ultimate temptation. I suggest doing more open, public things. Go to the park, swing on the swings, walk through the zoo - whatever you both enjoy doing. This also creates an environment for communication. Sometimes, if you enter a sexual relationship too early, it seems to dominate everything.. and you lose those fun times you might otherwise have experienced.
     
  5. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    I certainly don't agree with it but I can sort of see the reasoning behind the no sex until marriage, or after a year, whatever comes first idea. This is the ultimate test of commitment. If he's still with her after a year of her holding out on him, then he's pretty darn good and committed and therefore deserves sex. But hell..I wouldn't want to go without sex for that long. :eek
     
  6. Brad

    Brad New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    I would be very careful that are sure of her true reasons for avoiding sex.

    It is encouraging that you say she is now desperate for it.

    But, the last thing you want to find out is that you wait, get married and then discover that it was a smoke screen for deeper issues like:

    (1) She loves you totally, but sex is something she has never fancied at heart.
    (2) She loves you totally but she doesn't find you sexually attractive.

    I don't mean to be negative, but if (1) or (2) are even remotely possible, you could find yourself feeling trapped and cheated.

    Think about it carefully!