[Ask a Girl] How can I get my wife on board with my sexual fetishes

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by John3303, Nov 19, 2012.

  1. John3303

    John3303 New Member

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    Ok, here are my fetishes:

    I want to be forced feminized and made to wear makeup, perfume and lingerie. Then I want my wife to put on a strap on then verbally humiliate me and make me give her a blowjob. Next I want her to fuck me and for her to make me tell her how my I love her dick in my ass. I want her to tell me that I am nothing more than a girly bitch that needs a good fucking and that she is going to start fucking me every day with her big cock.

    I need my wife to be vocal and into it or else it is a dead fetish. She is ok with my dressing like a woman with lipstick, wig, perfume and lingerie. She just does not want to strap on and verbalize the feminization and humiliation of me.

    How can I get my wife to be on board with my fetish? I already told her that she is free to present any of her fantasies/fetishes to me without judgment and that I will give her anything she wants sexually. Still nothing. She still will not play my fetish/fantasy.

    Help!
     
  2. RideNaked2

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    Give her time. Continue to openly communicate about your fantasy, as well as your relationship. It sounds like it was a shock to her...she needs time to accept and process what you have shared with her. You can't expect that just because you told her you want it that it will happen but if you are patient, understanding and communicative maybe it will happen.

    Good luck!
     
  3. boobjob

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    You haven't told us anything about your wife. Does she even like any form of kinky sex? Your fantasy is heading out towards the end of the continuum so if she isn't out there already as a sexually adventurous person then I think you are losing contact with her. Communication is always the answer but you may be asking for the impraobable if not impossible.
     
  4. John3303

    John3303 New Member

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    Sorry ladies, I forgot to mention. My wife is vanilla when it comes to sex. I got kinkier as I aged and she has gotten almost prudish.
     
  5. John3303

    John3303 New Member

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    I am exploring my kink and am being very open and honest with my wife. I am communicating very well but she is not budging. Its sad when people cannot be who they are sexually. Like I told her, I will give her anything sexually and that all she needs to do is communicate it with me and I will give it to her. I encourage her to heighten our sexual desires and that everything is in bounds. I asked her to find her inner vixen and let it out and that she would be amazed at it will improve our sex lives.

    I don't know what else to do.
     
  6. boobjob

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    Maybe communication is as much about listening as about talking. The title of your thread presumes that your desires supercede hers. Try getting "on board" with her for a while.
     
  7. Johnalle

    Johnalle New Member

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    Im in the same boat but i cant get passed the very.first part
     
  8. Barbwire

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    [PIE]Listen to Booby; he is very wise.[/PIE]
     
  9. Dragon_Fire

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    Nothing wrong with vanilla, it can be quite tasty.

    I agree with Boobjob, your wife's preferences matter every bit as much as your own. Some people simply prefer good old fashioned love making and don't want to "wreck" it with kinky stuff. I feel for you in the fact that you can't satisfy your own needs but your wife has as much right to refuse to do stuff that she's not into.

    Now I don't care how much my partner insists chocolate is the way to go, my tastes are just that - my tastes - and no one can force me to change them.
     
  10. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    honestly, my hubs and i have a very open and active sex life, but i found out he had taken photos of himself wearing my lingerie, and while i'm ok with the strap on and anal play, the cross dressing just went past my ok level.... to me, that is something you both REALLY have to be into, and if she's not, you cant push her into it. if she's stonewalling you, she is probably really uncomfortable, if not a bit freaked out by the idea, and not really sure what to say. but again, you can't push her into something that she's not into, especially something as "out there" (for vanilla types) as your fetish is. sorry, but its probably going to be a no-go for you. you have to decide what is more important- your super kinky fetish, or your vanilla-happy wife
     
  11. John3303

    John3303 New Member

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    Well then, I guess I should have married a kinky woman because I am deprived sexually. I cannot be who I really am sexually and that is sad. Let me set the record straight. My kinky fetish came on in middle age.....my sexuality evolved. Vanilla used to be all I needed but at some point came the kinkiness and my wife is not on board. What happened to couples being open minded and giving each other what he or she needs in the bedroom. I have told my wife that I will give her anything she wants sexually without judgment. I told her to let her kinky side out if she has one and lets have some fun...spice it up if you will. She has not given me any of her fantasies or fetishes. I do not think that my request is unreasonable.
     
  12. boobjob

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    Sorry to disagree with you but you did it again. You said she was supposed to be open minded but you still haven't told us how she feels and what she wants. Try a discussion with something like: "I know that my desires have made you uncomfortable but I really want to talk about how we can get on the same page. I really love you and you are the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with but I have sexual feelings too that I want to explore with you. Is there a way you can help me with that?"
     
  13. Dragon_Fire

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    Maybe her fantasy is simple romantic vanilla sex without the pressure of being something she's not. What the hell is wrong with that?

    Listen to the Boobman.
     
  14. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    i dont really think that it is fair to be putting the blame on her. i get that your tastes have evolved, but you knew what you were getting when you married her, and you know what she is like. some people don't change. I'm not saying that you shouldnt be able to explore your kink, but you have to make a choice between exploring kink on the outside of your marriage because otherwise, you would, in effect, be forcing her to experience something she really is not comfortable with. or, your other choice is simply, to view it as a fantasy. not all fantasies have to come true. besides, if you do push it with your wife, and she does it because she wants to try to make you happy, but its a traumatizing experience for her, how are you going to handle it? My husband brought home bondage tape once, and wanted very badley to be taped up and dominated... i got done with the taping, looked at him, and had to get out. i literally left him taped to himself, naked, on our bed and hid in another room because i was extremely uncomfortable with the role he was asking me to take on. it was an extremely low point of our sexual relationship, because all the trust we had built before that took a hit, as did the confidence we felt with each other. do you really want to put the woman you love in a situation where she could run screaming from the room and never quite look at you the same way? just something to think about.
     
  15. boobjob

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    Well said
     
  16. boobjob

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    :)
     
  17. JAN86

    JAN86 New Member

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    It sounds like you're not going to give up asking her at this point.

    And it sounds like a lot of small fetishes to suddenly spring on her in what seems like was probably a very short time, making it seem like it is just one huge fetish from her perspective, and since she can't deal with all at once, she is simply opposed to every aspect.

    Have you considered starting out slower, with both of you compromising simultaneously? Perhaps if you ask her to consider trying just one single component fetish of the overall list and you both choose one that might not be totally objectionable to her to try just one time, and you agree beforehand that if she remains that opposed after trying it once then you will respect her feelings and quit asking her to do something she dislikes.

    Maybe let her see some porn with a guy getting penetrated by a woman with a strap-on. This way you can be certain that she understands what exactly you're asking of her, and she may get the message that others enjoy it too. You said she's very vanilla - it could be she doesn't fully understand what you're asking for, and is frightened by the idea of venturing into territory that she knows nothing of.

    If she is willing to try again, do it a few times, then move ahead with asking her to try another fetish element one time and repeat. You may not get her to do everything you want, but if she is OK with some parts of your request, you're better off than if she refuses to do anything.

    Keep in mind that even if she agrees to try something once, it might not be something she will ever be willing to try again, and it might not be what you want to do again after trying it, the physical act of a fantasy fetish does not always live up to the expectation of the fantasy as it was dreamed.


    Dropping the entire thing at once on someone you call vanilla is a huge blow.