How can I control this?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by MordsithLove, Nov 14, 2012.

  1. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    I've been with my bf for 8yrs (I'm 24). He is the 2nd guy I've ever been with let alone kiss...He's cheated on me very early in our relationship. I've gotten over that but every now and then I feel a bit robbed of my light to shine sort of speak.

    I'm attracted to a few guys, none of them but one knows this and I don't see them at all (lives in a different county or state). I keep fantasizing of sleeping with them...now it's becoming a bit of an obsession. I've never cheated before and will feel completely guilty if I did, I would fess up immediately. I just can't stop my mind from venturing into the thought of actually meeting up with a guy.

    Is this normal? I love my bf with everything, I just can't stop obsessing with wanting to sleep with other men of my interest...our sex life is good I guess, definitely not bad. Is it because maybe being in a long relationship at such a young age has kept me from being able to "play" as such a young single female would? I'm confused I guess. I haven't talked this over with my SO, I'm afraid of the outcome of it....
     
  2. mrcock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    relax, if you wanna cheat, do it, simple

    :lol
     
  3. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    Are these other men ones you've met online? And so you have sexual conversations with them?
     
  4. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    Slipkins: One I know online for 6yrs now. Yes we have deep sexual conversations, and have mutual interest in each other. He lives in a different state, the other end of the country. As for the others, I know them personally just never admitted to them that I'm highly attracted to them...plus they live in the next county so I rarely see them.
     
  5. mrcock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    just don't forget to respect yourself, don't be another victim of a blackmail, don't be a victim at all, don't forget about condoms also

    luck

    :lol
     
  6. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    I met a guy online 2.5 years ago and I'm completely head over heals for him. I have been married for 10 years and also love my husband. My husband and I have an active sex life and it's good but in my mind it doesn't compare to what I'd have with my friend online who also lives in another country.

    I don't think your thoughts have anything to do with not sowing your oats before being committed in your current relationship. I tend to think you are probably like me and these other people are fulfilling something you need that your bf is not giving you. I'm not sure what that is or if it's only sexual but I'd try to figure out what that is before you actually go out and have sex with anyone.

    Although I've never had sex with my friend in real, what I do with him I consider cheating, as would my husband and this takes a toll on my psyche. I guess my advice to you is to just be honest with yourself and him and save both of yourselves the heartache.
     
  7. Mittimer

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,517
    Likes Received:
    4,448
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Fl

    Bullshit.

    If she wants to cheat, break up with her boyfriend and then go sleep with whoever she wants. If she cheats, it makes her just as bad as him. Being the bigger person in this relationship is what needs to be done.
     
  8. mrcock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    what I meant is if she wanna cheat, she don't need those relationships. I still stand for every word I said
     
  9. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    Slipkins: your advice is helpful...this is something to take.

    In all honesty I feel guilty enough just having the temptation, and it's digging deeper everytime it comes around. I have a fear that I will end up selfishly cheating on him, tossing our relationship out the door. I want to be up front with him, I just don't know how to say it without it stirring up drama. And ultimately I fear that it will break his heart beyond what I can mend, he's had very low times and very destructive when we broke up due to him cheating....

    I've tried hinting to him that we needed a break, and I just couldn't tell him why....I feel too selfish to have those reasons to break up...all to sleep with other men.

    Oh and slipkins, I really can't pin point what's missing that he is not providing. I keep coming back to the fact that I've really have not had MY time with out limits. I met him in high school and its been that way since...so I've yet to live the young adult life that I'm tempting for. Other than that, I enjoy being complemented and flirtatious...which he does as well..
     
    #9 MordsithLove, Nov 14, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2012
  10. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't want to be raising a family being married and look back saying should've, could've, would've. And end up making the decision then and not now...

    Bleh...being responsible for my actions an facing such consequences is driving me nuts...I can see how irresponsible or inconsiderate people can cheat without blinking an eye.

    Sorry if I'm running on...this is the only place I feel comfortable asking for advice.
     
  11. mrcock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    why are you afraid of being selfish?
     
  12. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    Well cheating is an act of selfishness IMO.
    If somehow he agreed to still be together with an open sex life (swingers pretty much) then it wouldn't be such a selfish act, it's more on a mutual level.
     
  13. mrcock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    you see now where are you going? just to save something you don't really need you are going to turn yourself into a swinger?

    now just get off the computer, and simply ask yourself: do you really need these relationships? you can change your answer all the time just ask yourself
     
  14. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    Are you saying I do not need to be in my current relationship all because I have temptations of wanting to sleep with other men? Is it worth trying for? Either I break up with him or cheat; he's gonna end up with a broken heart. I can stick to our relationship and stay faithful, but suffer from the curiosity of wanting to be in a single lifestyle.

    Anyways. I will need to talk to him about it. Was hoping to reach out to others who are or was in the same kind of situation I'm feeling. If there were anyone else with some advice on how to control myself and these temptations, or is it a matter of making the decision to jump ship and live the life I've been wanting since I was a teen.
     
  15. mrcock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    I really like a simple language, I hope it would not offend you

    who gives a fuck about him? I am not telling you to hurt him, but you are not his heart meds. you are a personality. that is above everything. whatever you are going to tell him, start with that you are a personality

    :lol

    I gotta go now, whenever you need help, just ask

    ;)
     
    #15 mrcock, Nov 14, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2012
  16. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    Mord...ignore the imbecile above my post. You had a valid question and he has no valid solutions. :D
     
  17. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree wholeheartedly.

    As for my own experience regarding such matters, after I turned 40 I get a whole new sexual outlook on life with the aid of having some virtual lovers. While I loved the sexual release and friendships I formed, the guilt I felt took all the fun out of it.

    I told my husband about my sexcapades online and also told him about a special friend/virtual lover that I've known for 5 1/2 years via the internet.

    My husband was cool with it loved it in fact, and even arranged it so I could meet my online lover/friend face to face.

    I am glad that I was able to tell my husband the truth, it certainly made me much freer and brought me closer to my him than I ever imagined.

    Of course, I'm in my 40's and my husband is in his 50's so, things may be entirely different for younger people that go through the same thing. I dunno.
     
  18. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    Slipkins, thnx for the warning ;)

    Babrwire: I have in the past sent photos in lingerie to the guy whom lives across the country. I confessed this to my SO and he was hurt by it. So I don't think he would take it well that I'm still in touch with the same guy and things are getting deep. It could be that it is an age relation as you mentioned...some people my age are all for independence and living to the fullest, and others are now soul searching looking for someone to create a family with. Thank you for sharing your advice with me though, this too ill take into consideration.
     
  19. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    88
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    You have been with him 8 yrs? Have you had other relationships?
     
  20. MordsithLove

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,285
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Female
    BitchN: he's the second guy I've ever dated in my life and first guy to ever have sex with....
    I have no close male friends cause he is really insecure about it.
    To clarify, I've never have had any kind of other relationships but friendships, even with friends I know online.