Horse Barn Copulation FAIL

Discussion in 'Erotic Literature' started by Barbwire, Aug 10, 2010.

  1. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Horse Barn Copulation FAIL

    Sunday night, I was in the horse barn listening to some tunes and tidying up. After working for about an hour, I took a Corona out of the fridge, added some lime, and took a seat on a camp chair.

    About halfway through my beer I started to daydream about sex. Soon, I had a plan concocted and a dirty smile spread across my face. I got up from the chair, went to a cabinet, and found some clean towels. I put one towel on the tack room floor and the other I spread on a tack trunk near the first towel, then I grabbed the phone.

    I paged the first floor phone in the house and my husband answered after a couple of rings. All I said to him was, “Come out to the barn.” He didn’t ask questions just said “Okay,” and hung up.

    When he rolled the barn door open, I grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into the tack room. I told him to shut up and do as he was told, and then I pushed him into a seated position on the trunk, kissing him hungrily as I did so.

    I knelt on the floor in front of him to make sure I would be comfortable and at the right level. I ordered my husband to stand and then I pulled his pants and underwear down to his ankles. I shoved him back into a seated position and once again knelt before him on the barn floor.

    I looked up at him, almost glaringly, then I took a pull off my Corona, swallowing it loudly enough for him to hear, took another big swing and bore down upon is cock.

    I had barely gotten his head into my mouth when I hear him make a soft moan. Encouraged by the sound, I took the rest of his cock into my mouth until the hair on his belly was tickling my nose. I slowly made my way back to his head before I pulled my head away and swallowed the beer with a loud gulp.

    After I swallowed, I once again took him into my mouth, sucking hard enough to make him jump a little, then eased off and started sliding my cool, wet lips up and down his shaft like a piston.

    I felt his cock grow in my mouth and heard his breathing coming quicker and quicker as he panted out how much he loved to watch me suck his cock. I immediately pulled back and scolded him for talking. I took another couple of swigs from the bottle then filled my mouth with beer. I bent my head to his crotch and dribbled the beer down his cock and onto his balls. After I’d soaked his cock I thirstily lapped up the beer from the his balls up to his head and back down again.

    Smacking my lips I said, “Now I want you to fuck me.” I pulled him off the truck and told him to get naked. I peeled off my top and shorts and then climbed on the trunk with my ass facing him.

    That is where it all started to go wrong. First off, I’ve had two wrist surgeries in the past month and had to keep my weight on my elbows which wasn’t very comfortable secondly, the combination of beer chugging and cocksucking had an unfortunate side effect, great, loud, resonating, belching. It was cute at first but soon it was just mood killing as the belching had caused me to feel somewhat queasy.

    Meanwhile, my husband was behind me trying to penetrate my pussy. No man-like belches were going to stop him from getting some, no way, no how.

    Soon it became apparent that his target too high for him to reach, so he grabbed a step stool and tried to stand on that. After flailing his arms and toddling like drunken sailor, he stepped down. During his balancing act, his dick had gone limp. He came to the side of the trunk for me to suck it back into a usable tool again but he was too low and I got a crick in my neck.

    We decided to try is missionary style, so I flopped over onto my back on the wooden trunk. (no easy feat if you can’t use your hands, btw) Immediately, I felt my back crack and a jolt of pain rocked my lower back. I didn’t want to stop the action and ruin the moment, so I just bore the pain and tried to look as sensual as I could.

    The situation turned desperate, my husband was once again at my pussy trying to penetrate but I was too dry. I got off the trunk and found the Vaseline that I use to lubricate the thermometer before I take my horse’s temperature. I grabbed a handful of paper towels, scooped out all the goop from the top of the jar and discarded it. I scooped up more with my fingers and then brought it to my husband.

    I rubbed some on his cock and then on myself and got back up on the truck and onto my back. Once again, he struggled with penetration before giving up and saying the angle wasn’t right. At that point the moment was shot, so I just told him that was fine and that we should consider it all just an appetizer for what was to come later that night.

    We put on our clothes and went into the house. Our son was still up so I told him to go to bed and then went upstairs to shower. It was in the shower that it occurred to me that I had just used a lubricant that very well may have been tainted with horseshit. At first I was appalled at the thought then, the humour of it got to me. I giggled, laughed, and then outright guffawed for many minutes until I got ahold of myself and finished my shower.

    When I went into the bedroom, my husband was laying down waiting for me. He asked what was so funny and I told him. He laughed his ass off over it as well.

    We started to make out but my husband confessed his back hurt quite a bit. I told him I felt the same. Instead of giving up, we decided to break out the toys in order to hasten maximum orgasms for me with minimum effort by him.

    My husband was looking for lube when he found a large jar of Vaseline in the nightstand drawer.

    I grabbed the jar and said, “New Improved Vaseline! Now with 99.9% less horse shit.”

    We commenced with the screwing and had a satisfying time of it before falling asleep.

    Although we weren’t able to fuck in the barn like I’d planned, I did learn a valuable lesson that night…


    I need a taller husband.

    :rofl
     
  2. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    I'm 6'1"... :D
     
  3. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry Heelie but as usual, 2" more just isn't enough for me. :p
     
  4. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    I can wear my heels... ;)
     
  5. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
  6. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    Hey I am 6'5":phat
     
  7. Northside

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2009
    Messages:
    751
    Likes Received:
    316
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    :lolHorse shit in the vaseline!:lol:lol

    Is that slicker than owlshit? I always wanted to put sand in the vaseline.
     
  8. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    I kinda wonder what the horses thought of all that horsing around:lol
     
  9. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    I just got around to reading this. Your husband is truly lucky to have such an adventurous wife. Hey, you gave it the old school try. Way to go, girl!
     
  10. NewGuy85

    NewGuy85 Active Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    435
    Likes Received:
    81
    Gender:
    Male
    Well as much as its a shame the kinky barn sex didnt work, its actually kinda nice to know that youre mortal like the rest of us and some of your crazy sex romps fail like ours do lol.

    And im only 5' 5" so be glad for the guy u got haha
     
  11. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I dunno, I've never tried to use owl shit as a lubricant before. I'll have to let you know on that one.

    They never walked into the barn the whole time, I guess they heard weird noises and decided it was best to stay outside in the pasture.

    Thanks hon, just trying to keep it fresh.

    I'm as mortal as it gets. Moral no, mortal, yes. :lol
     
  12. TruBlu28

    TruBlu28 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Terre Haute, Indiana
    I've never ventered out to fucking in a barn, but I'm a fan of Coronas and I've done the 'ol 'swig of beer and bob the knob' before, but my experience was with the burps....I actually got drunk in the process and couldn't complete the BJ.
    That was as far as we got....because I remember having to go use the BR within the process and he had to walk me there.....that night was a flop.
     
  13. luvitdoggystyle

    luvitdoggystyle New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2012
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Illinois
    Fail or not, I sure wish my wife was half that adventurous.
     
  14. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey luvit, sorry to hear about your wife but, thank you for bumping this old thread. I reread it from start to finish and had a good laugh thinking about that crazy night in the barn.

    I haven't written anything in a very long time but, this thread has reminded me how much I used to love doing it and that I wasn't half bad at it.

    Maybe it's time to dust off my keyboard and do some writing. Now, all I have to do is have some sex worth writing about. :ugh
     
  15. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    144
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Scotland
    Why............? Just make it up like the rest of us ;)
     
  16. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I've written a couple dozen fictional stories here on SF but, I like to write the non-fiction stuff more because it's much easier for me to write about something I've actually done opposed to something I've only fantasized about.
     
  17. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    144
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Scotland
    I've done a few.........I think. One about a New Year Party was true up to a point. Unfortunately, the best/last bit was fictional.

    And again, unfortunately, my fantasies seem better than my experiences. :(
     
  18. Colette

    Colette New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2012
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    THE South
    THAT was awesome. Wish I had a S.O. to play with ;-)
     
  19. one20inafiftyfive

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I am glad this thread was revived as well. Gave my wife and I a good laugh. Some of our best sex has been sprinkled with laughter.
     
  20. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm glad you like my story. For some time I was quite a prolific writer here on SF and really enjoyed feedback about my stories. Feels good to be appreciated. Thank you.