[Ask a Guy] Honeymoon

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by discolemonaide, Sep 8, 2012.

  1. discolemonaide

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    Looking for input thanks in advanced!

    I'm getting married next month and we are going to Aruba for a week after for the honeymoon. My fiancé does not like sex & really never has. He feels sex is for procreation only. We have an open relationship && I have a fb to bang to help with my needs. The question is men (&&ladies) what would you like to do/have done for you on your honeymoon? What can I do to try && spark his interest sexually?

    Open to any ideas, but keep in mind he's hard to get aroused sexually because of his views, we have had sex 3 times this year and he let me blow him about 10x.... Wouldn't make this up
     
    #1 discolemonaide, Sep 8, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2012
  2. lbushwalker

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    Biggest question that comes immediately to mind given your sex drive; why get married with this particular sexless guy?
    Second biggest question why "&&" all the time?
     
  3. discolemonaide

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    The && because my phone auto corrects to it and it's easier to leave it than to continue to go fix.

    Why marry? We've been together 5 years, we connect perfectly on everyother level. Trust me I've through about it several times. I love him very much and I figure I can deal with this one thing.
     
  4. AGFUNK

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    What have you tried to spark his interest?
     
  5. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Well... after 5 years, given what you said, I guess you could get him to have sex by saying you want to make his baby.

    That aside, it seems to me there's not enough info about why he feels this way to go by... And the first guesses I'd make of it being religious don't seem to jive with you describing it as an open relationship.
     
  6. discolemonaide

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    He's not religious that's the thing. He enjoys sex once were going but hates to "pointlessly spill his seed" a lot of it has to do with the fact that when he went away to play college ball, he knocked a girl up and she had an abortion. (tmi I'm sure) ever since he's felt that sex should only be for procreation. I've encouraged counseling for him but he won't talk about it to anyone.
    I've tried various outfits, dirty talk, role play, letting him use toys on me.

    I really just am looking for new ideas to try with him to bring a spark and drive back to him.
     
  7. Chopper9

    Chopper9 New Member

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    If nothing works, maybe time will heal!! Give him time! Sounds like you have enough to go by! I love the fact that you are allowed to have other partners!! And that you are not scared to use that!! Good on you
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    Does he actually want children?

    Him not talking about it is what is making him this way. If he would talk about it it might actually help him get his drive back. Sex isn't just for procreation. It's supposed to be fun and something to help us connect on a whole other level.

    Have you ever tried talking to him about it? Not just by suggesting that he go to counseling for it but actually talking to him about what you think about it.

    Is he ok with the open relationship after you guys get married? When did you start having an open relationship? Has it always been this way between you?
     
  9. pbs

    pbs
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    Unfortunately, from my experience on various forums dealing with sexual incompatibilities, when a person with high sex drive marries one with low sex drive, sex eventually becomes the most important issue in the marriage to the high drive spouse - FWIW.
     
  10. cbrmale

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    I would give up now because this is doomed to failure. I admit my wife doesn't meet all my sexual needs, but we're not poles apart like this. Both of my married mistresses have sexual incompatibilities with respective husbands, but again not poles apart! It is a big ask to expect a single person to be soulmate, confidant, best friend and a great lover, and sometimes we need someone else to fill that gap. I catch up with one or the other mistress about every other week and between times I have regular, good sex with my wife. When we go away on holidays we actually have very good sex together, and the last people I think of are my mistresses.

    This relationship doesn't have a gap; it has a chasm. For example: how is she going to get through a near-sexless honeymoon? Pick a guy up in a bar?
     
  11. discolemonaide

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    When we first got together he had a crazy drive &' that got me hooked. He went off to play ball, got hurt pretty much right away,cheated on me and she got knocked up. After that it was never the same between us in bed. I know that hurt him but when asked he puts up that tough guy persona and says it is what it is, her choice not mine. I've forgiven him for cheating then and tried voicing my opinion that it takes 2 to make a baby and she should have consulted him too before making her choice. He always changed the topic but I have tried and haven't once given up on our relationship or trying to give him pleasure.

    The open relationship that was his idea. He feels that I need to be happy no matter what. He understands that sex is important, it helps with mental health, self esteem and so on. I was very hesitant at first; went nearly 2 years without anything sexually and he hated that. He hated turning me away day after day because it takes its tole mentally.Ive had 2 fb total in the time we've been open, he knows them pretty well and feels I'm in safe hands when I go out with them(just use one now). Im not going to clubs every week meeting && banging whoever, but if I wanted to start messing around with someone new, I could & hubby to be would be okay with it.

    WE decided I'll see fb through end of year then in Dec I'll have my implanton taken out and we will start trying to make babies! We just don't want to worry about potential paternity problems. After I'm knocked up, if I want I can continue seeing fb.

    Personally, I hope I don't need to. I do find reading & writing erotica and then having one or two awesome fuck sessions a week and self play if needed helps greatly.So if I can get hubby to be to ravage me a time or two a week I'm fine. I could see fb staying on to participate in 3sums.

    Also I saw Fb last Tuesday, we will see each other this Wednesday/Thursday night then I'm high and dry until the honeymoon.
     
  12. discolemonaide

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    Plan of attack for honeymoon: enjoy not being at home and shower him with affection. Also we have the ocean and pools to frolic in, things to see and do other than bedroom play. It's not like he's this cold man that doesn't even like to look at me. He's a huge flirt and enjoys cuddling and whatever... Just no sex
     
  13. AGFUNK

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    This could just be a left over guilt from him cheating. He might not have fully forgiven himself yet.

    Another thing that you should think about is do you want it to be this way for the rest of your lives? Do you still want to have your husband and a friends with benefits when you have children? I guarantee you that it will be a lot harder to have that life when you have kids to take care of.

    Back to trying to get him in the mood. Try taking a completely different approach than what you've been doing. The same thing over and over again can become boring. Is there anything that he really enjoyed in the past that you have not done for him? Have you tried anal play?
     
  14. discolemonaide

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    I know things will be way different after we have kids. I know I won't have time to shower let alone plan outings with the Fb. I know I want to marry him& have waited this long to do so do I would be without a doubt sure.

    Anyway back then he would always say he'd be a great porn director, he also likes anal play/ pressure on him. Have not really done anal play on him bc I'm not sure how to start.

    Also the horniest he's ever been was when we were in a cheap motel with paper thin walls, he wanted me to scream and be very vocal. Haven't been to hotel together since
     
  15. roughrider

    roughrider New Member

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    since you had tried for last 05 years i advise you to try your last resort. find a very close confidante of your both and build up a relationship with him. better to have his best friend or even one of his brothers. always accompany him when you make private trips. When hes around try to play stupid with your boyfriend which is having sexual appeal.Try following
    (01) Give him warm lip kissing
    (02) unbutton few of his shirt and kiss his chest warmly
    (03) Embrace him tightly and tell him how much you love him
    (04) Don't afraid to touch his croach often
    (05) unbutton your first few blouse and invite him to kiss your boobs
     
  16. AGFUNK

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    How about on your honeymoon try fingering his ass. Use plenty of lube, make sure your nails are trimmed, and just start out slowly with some pressure and work your way in. It might just drive him wild. My husband loves anal play and always gets him extremely horny.
     
  17. discolemonaide

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    Thanks for the idea! If anything will excite him that just might
     
  18. AGFUNK

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    Hope it works for you:) Keep us posted.
     
  19. OverSinged

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    Just make sure you let him know it's going to happen, or at least a good idea of his reaction. I know if a woman just tried to put her finger in my ass, without me having prior knowledge to it, it'd probably piss me off and kill the mood all together.
     
  20. discolemonaide

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    I will I've still got about a month but hopefully I come back to the states first of November beyond satisfied