Honest answers please...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Black_Magic83, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    I saw a question on a forum... about a woman asking if it was wise to start a relationship with someone who has erectile dysfunction...

    "
    Hi there
    I have recently started a relationship with a man who has erectile dysfunction due to an underlying health problem. He's a great guy, we get on really well and I'm happy when I'm around him. Plus I'm extremely attracted to him all the time. We're both in our late 30s and though I care for him I'm worried about starting a relationship where the sex is not going to be satisfatory. Though he's great with his hands and orally the fact that he cannot maintain an erection makes things tough. I enjoy penetrative sex and often need it to orgasm. Oral doesn't seem to work for me for that and I worry because it's doubtful whether we'd be able to have a normal sex life. The damage that has occured is irreversible. I've experimented with toys and they're alright but they're no substitute for the real thing.
    I always think about how devasting this is for someone this young to be dealing with such a problem. He's dealing with things remarkable well though he's finding it extremely tough. He's going through the range of options with his doctors right now and he's tried a couple of treatments. None of which are working very well at the moment. I don't know what to do. Is it stupid to throw away a relationship that has so much potential to be fantastic because the sex isn't 100% what we'd like it to be or should I just wait and see. I'd hate to embark on this and then later pull away because of that but then I worry about commiting and later feeling like I'm craving what I miss elsewhere.
    Would love to hear your thoughts.
    Thanks,"

    I personally, couldn't I know it sounds selfish, but I am being honest. Sex means alot to me and is VERY important in a relationship. I think this woman really likes the guy, but I know for a fact, she will feel resentful when time progresses and problems are still present and she is not getting any satisfaction, then, every other aspect of the relationship will be horrible...

    What do you think?
     
  2. bmapes

    bmapes Member

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    Not to pry but what was the damage that occurred?
     
  3. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    The OP on the forum did not go into detail. If she posts again, I will let you know.
     
  4. pbs

    pbs
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    If this is true, then she needs to find someone else, who can give her a lifetime of happiness, before they get too attached.
     
  5. igor

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    At least he is seeking professional help, so give him a chance. You say the "damage is irreservible" but is it? What is the real problem? If it really isn't cureable then yes, you probably should find someone else.
     
  6. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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  7. lbushwalker

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    That is also my take on this issue.
    Sadly if he can no longer get it up then 60% of the relationship is missing and nothing can make up for that.
    I frankly admit to having a moderate form of ED and do require ED meds for satisfactory lasting erection and so bless the era we live in otherwise would be lost to the world (in real terms). :ugh
    Having said that sky diving from 5000 feet feels way more awesome than sex so maybe I would become addicted to that instead. :)
     
  8. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    Igor, this is not me, this is a post I found on a relationship forum, the OP didnt have any responses, So I thought I would copy and paste it on here because I know there would be responses.

    I just wanted to see other people's views because I knew I would get immediate response.
     
  9. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I'm kinda going through this. I was going to wait for marriage but i thought it best to "test drive". Now that all these issues are arriving i'm glad i did. If it never gets better that i cannot marry him as i am already starting to resent the poor guy. I'm trying to be patient though. I'm giving him a chance for as long as i can.
    It's really hard when you go through this, as a woman. It makes whatever self esteem you already have drop considerably which just ruins every aspect of your life i think.
     
  10. 1hotmamma420

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    Ok I'm the odd one out on this one here! I think if she thought she had true feelings, which she seems to have since she thinks it has potential; she should stick with him. I know sex is a lot but for me, there is a lot more to a relationship than that. I wouldn't give up to soon. Especially while somone whom I care about has an underlying problem. Wouldn't want someone to give up on me. Just saying...:)
     
  11. RideNaked2

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    I agree with you 100%. While sex is important in a relationship, I believe that there are other things that are more or just as important as sex. :eyes ??? :eyes
     
  12. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Its funny this is what it comes down to. Get it up or get out. Not saying this is whats happing here and not trying to start an issue, but i have heard of teens having the I cant get it up issue/ Its happened to us all but now these days I hate to say it there are a lot of people the deal with this the wrong way. I went out with a girl who literally talked me into an ED problem . I was in my twenties at the time ... every time right before sex she would say lets fuck but it takes me a while are you up to it. Of course i would say yes but once we started i would be fine for about 5 minutes, then i would start think about it and i could feel myself getting soft.. I would be saying NO! NO! NO! in my mind then I would think she was thinking the same which she was and then would even start to say it... This went on for a wile and she had no Mercy on me. After a while I just did not want to be with her... So I decided not to date for a while. Then I met a nymph. She did not care if I used my cock finger nose or elbow. There was no pressure. I was rock hard all the time and I would not think of how long I had to last. A few times after a long time of fucking I did lost my erection. She said don't worry and she turned around sat on my face and said just start munching and ill get you nice and hard again. She would slowly jerk me back to rock hard and I was good for as a long as I needed... Anyway I know this was about another post and that person is not reading here but just thought I would make mention because I think if you have a really cool girl she will make it work. In this cause it sounds more physical then mental. Time for the pump....
     
  13. rivalsrivals

    rivalsrivals New Member

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    anyway, sex is an important issue.
     
  14. cbrmale

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    There are a number of ways to deal with ED these days. The first are oral medications, and Cialis is the most effective. If that doesn't work there is injection therapy, and this is what I use because of nerve damage from an illness. It's not painful, the base of the penis isn't particularly sensitive and you use a very fine tip. Injection therapy has different strengths, I use single-mix, but men can use bi-mix, tri-mix and quad-mix, depending on the amount of damage. Injection therapy is very good, takes about 5 to 10 minutes to get hard, and then you stay hard for about an hour. Injection therapy is very good for psychological ED, but in this instance it should be coupled with therapy to overcome the problem (but in the meantime, you can still enjoy a good sex life).

    If that doesn't work then there is the implant, and it's a relatively straightforward procedure. About six weeks healing time and then you're ready to go at a moment's notice. Literally. Costs several thousand dollars, but what price the joy and pleasure of sharing intimate pleasures with the woman you adore?
     
  15. PhX_AZ_SWM_1972

    PhX_AZ_SWM_1972 New Member

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    duh
    First, I think if a woman finds out a guy is impotent early on in the relationship, she has nO OBLIGATION AT ALL to stay with the guy. Likewise, neither does a guy have to stick around, if he finds that the woman has long term sexual problems. Part of a relationship, probably the most important part, IS SEX!!!! Let's not kid ourselves here. Sure love and companionship have a lot to do with it too, but you can get that from friends and family in a non-sexual way from friends and family. In a lot of ways SEX IS THE POINT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! So if it is not there in the beginning, time to move on.

    It is different though, if the couple are in a mutually committed, long term relationship, and for health reasons, one or the other can't perform sexually. If it is just a case where a partner is "holding out," or some other mind-fuck games,though FUCK THAT! TIME TO BAIL! If not though, and both people still care about each other, then they need to stick together.Everyone has a bad patch, and if the couple really care about each other, they should stick by the other person for a REASONABLE amount of time, which only that person can say. What is reasonable to me may be up to a year. Another person may say a month. In any event, if you are in a committed, long term relationship,man or woman, you have a certain amount of obligation to try to work it out. However, there comes a time when a reasonable attempt has been made but the sex is still non existent, and either you should be allowed to move on OR the spouse\long term partner who can't perform should be cool with their partner having an open relationship, where they can still be in a relationship with the non-performer, but get their sex elsewhere.

    ***Slightly off topic, but this is kind of a response not to anyone here, just stuff I have heard in the past on female hosted talk shows, or heard women say\read women post elsewhere, or whatever....

    As I see it, it really comes down to this: you can't be expected to stay in a long term relationship if you are not happy yourself, and won't be happy for a long time. If you just met that person, then bail. If you've been involved with them a long time, then you are obligated to try, but after a reasonable time, you should be allowed to leave or have an open relationship. That goes for a guy who can't get it up AND a woman who can't or won't have sex for whatever reason (religious hang up, mental problem, physical problem, whatever).

    The thing is, it kinda seems unfair to me when a woman states that she can't go on with a relationship if a guy has long term erectile problems, and everyone around her says "yeah, you deserve to be happy, leave him," yet if a woman can't perform sexually (long term), that is when other women seem to come out of the wood work, and start male bashing and say the guy is an asshole, and there is more to a relationship than sex, blah blah blah.:mad I say, what's good for the goose, literally is good for the gander.

    Is that asshole-ish??

    And what is up with what seems hypocrisy to me?
     
    #15 PhX_AZ_SWM_1972, Oct 20, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2011
  16. 33stack

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    errection must be hard anr big enough to hit the right spot forO. Better off just letteing her find a better fit.........
     
  17. cbrmale

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    It doesn't seem like hypocrisy to me, but I do know what women are like (my wife excluded because she has a different cultural perspective on things). I'm the only man in a workplace of about 30, so I do get a lot of opportunities to overhear conversation, and there does seem to be a lot of female angst about male unfaithfulness. And a lot of female angst about not finding a man with the older, divorced women, and the associated not getting sex too! I think it works both ways: if you cannot have sex because of health issues with a partner there are a number of options, including sex outside the relationship. This applies to both men and women.

    For those women who want to find a man but can't, I would love to tell them what they're doing wrong! But it would be inappropriate, as I am part of the managment team.