Hey SF,can we rejuvenate her drive with some new ideas?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Michellesoldman, Oct 3, 2010.

  1. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Hey friends, how are all of ya?

    As some of you know, I've been having some sexual issues with my girl. There are too many things to mention that I love about her. But these sexual issues have really been driving me up the wall.

    I have a tremendous sex drive. No big surprise there, seems most men do. But it's become a source of aggravation for her. You know, me dropping hints, raising my eyebrows all the time, morning wood stabbing her in the butt cheeks, etc.....lol. Anyhow....I have been trying to discuss this with her for a while now, but I'm cautious because I know that she doesn't care to talk about it as much as I do. Hell.....I became an active member of a SEX FORUM!!!...hehehe. That's how much I love to talk about sex.

    What we do now:

    We have sex maybe twice a week if I'm lucky. I find that I have to masturbate a lot just to keep from pressuring her so much. I'm really trying to be sensitive to her needs and desires or lack thereof, while at the same time trying to get her out of this slump.

    We masturbate together at other times. But I can tell, that too, is lacking for her. Even with her Hitachi. Oh she likes her wand, don't get me wrong, but sometimes even that doesn't get her off.

    What we don't do:
    Our sexual exploration is very limited by what she's willing to try. She says no role playing, she just can't get into it. She says she doesn't want another man in bed, I asked.....more than once. No way in hell will she let another girl in bed with herself or me....so that's out. We used to do anal, but now she says I'm just too big for her to get pleasure from that. No, I'm not some freak of nature, but a bit bigger than average. I really take pride in the quality of the oral that I give her. She's cried a few times when she orgasms from nothing but oral. I was really shocked at first because I thought crying HAD to be bad, right? Well she explained it as it being so overwhelming during orgasm that her body just responds to it by crying.......I dunno. I assume that these crying spasms are due to a G-Spot orgasms as opposed to a clitoral orgasm which she also has.

    But back to the point.....

    I'm really trying to pull her out of her slump. We've been together for 8 yrs now and we've both had our sexual slumps. So in that respect, this is nothing new for us. But the previous slumps were on my end and usually stress-related. Even then, a blowjob has a way of bringing a man right out of a slump...lol. Anytime I was lucky enough to get one of those, I was ready to pounce! Well, with her, it's not that simple. There is NO one thing that I can do to get her excited about sex. I've tried for months now.

    So what the hell am I asking?

    I'm asking for ideas about little things that I can bring up to her, in casual conversation, that she may or may not like to try. For instance, today she said "maybe we could try one of those adult board games?" My response of course was "absolutely! I'll go get one tomorrow and we can try it whenever your ready."

    I'm fishing for ideas like that---the boardgame. Not really physical things like what I can do with her body. More like adult-themed, couple-oriented, fun things. Because I think a lot of her issue is that sex has became dull for her. I can't stand that idea (lol). It makes me feel like I'm not doing my job as her man. Like I'm not keeping things interesting for her. I have always striven to be the best of everything for her---the best lover, the most trusted person in her life, her best friend, everything that I do I want to be the best that anyone has ever done for her. It's not really an alpha-male type of thing with me, it's just that I love her so much that I always strive to make things better.

    Enough of my babble....
    1. We're getting a board game for couples. What else should we try?
    2.?
    3.?
    4.?
     
  2. Ozymandias

    Ozymandias New Member

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    How about a change of scenery - a place or environment you don't normally do it in? It could simply be different location all the way up to risky. A different place, the thrill of getting caught etc. Maybe it would help if you changed the venue rather than the sex, and see if she responds to that. My wife and I like to have sex when we hike in the mountains, she didn't want to at first but once she did, it seemed to open up new possibilities to her, hell even talking about it can rev her up. My 2 cents.
     
  3. Meee

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    I'm sensing stress, or tiredness, or distraction--not a need for games or props.

    You're engaged. How's that going?

    You have children. Hers? Yours? Do you have previous marriages? How old are the children?
     
  4. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    That's a good idea Ozy. Thank you.

    Meee....The engagement is going alright. We'd both like it to be sooner rather than later, but right now we're concentrating on getting a good amount of money built up in savings so we can go on a really kick-ass honeymoon instead of blowing it all on a wedding. Neither of us want the wedding to be a big event. Just a small affair. Then we can live it up on the honeymoon.

    We have two children. She's the mother of both. Our son is not biologically mine, but all of us look at that as only a formality. I'm still the only Dad that he's ever known. He's 10 btw. We also have a daughter. She IS biologically mine---she'll be 7 in two weeks.

    I have a previous marriage, yes. But it was a simple uncontested divorce and the EX doesn't cause any issues at all and hasn't since the divorce.

    We talked about this a little last night and the most detailed response that I could get from her was "I dunno, sex just isn't a big deal anymore. Right now, I couldn't really care less whether I get it or I don't." That's why I've been trying to play the "boredom card" hoping that maybe I can make it fun again. But obviously, I haven't done such a great job at that recently since I'm having to ask all of you for a little help....lol.

    Hopefully the above will clarify things a bit, Meee....?

    Please keep the ideas flowing guys and gals. Y'all are always full of great info.
     
  5. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    Possible Problem-
    Dude, it sounds like she's stressed out. Or a little depressed. Does she get seasonal depression? It's much more common than people think. Or does she drop little signs that she's overwhelmed with work/kids/money/stress/emotions/etc...?

    Relevant Crap that you may/may not want to read-
    I was part of an EEG sex study when I was in college. People were hooked up the Electroencephalogram cap and were instructed to masturbate to orgasm (aaah college). This was a re-creation of an old Kinsey study that described women's and men's brain patterns throughout intercourse. It was found that men can be physically stimulated and be thinking of something else entirely. Men can even have active and critical/abstract thought throughout copulation and even orgasm having no problem engaging several separate areas of the brain. Women, conversely, need to have a comparatively LOW baseline of mental activities to become aroused, and tend to not be able to reach an orgasmic state unless nearly every other active center of her brain has a "very low" level of activity. During orgasm, women are truly "in the moment" not thinking about anything else. And they need to be able to get there in order to reliably achieve orgasm.

    Conclusion-
    Statistically, the female sex drive is more adversely affected by everyday stress and emotional strife. If your lady is stressed, it's not that shes bored with sex, it's that it's "the last thing on her mind". Women are thinkers and worriers. They think and worry about everything, all the time, and that worry can easily spill over and effect her desire for sex. If she's got a lot to worry/stress about, then it's easy to see that she's less sexual.

    Solution-
    Help her to get unstressed. Plan a romantic night in with babysitters and candles. Pay for her to go get a massage at a local parlor. Make rubbing her back/feet/legs/breasts/stomach/shoulders with lotion a nightly activity with no agenda of seduction (great de-stresser and hand-workout). Take up some of her household responsibilities when she doesn't expect it, and without an attitude of "reciprocation for favors rendered". If you help her to not feel stretched so thin, then her natural drive for sex should return to her normal state.

    I hope this helps you and good luck with planning the wedding. (unfortunately another HUGE stressor- ask Mittimer)
    ~Steve
     
    #5 SteveWaste, Oct 4, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2010
  6. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    What about an interactive computer game you can play together? A sexual one? My husband and I tried it once and I have to say that it got my juices flowing : Red Light Social Center
    For me it was a very sexy game to play, an unconventional foreplay if you will. You choose a body type, looks, clothing - you can go to "sexual gatherings" and watch other "people" have sex, have them watch you.... there's just all kinds of stuff you can do together in this game. I loved it.... we haven't done it for quite some time now because it's not for free (there is a free trial though) but it was pretty cool to try. Maybe you can let her check it out for herself at first, spend time dressing herself sexy, getting sexy tats, piercings on her virtual personality etc.

    Check it out, it's pretty cool.

    <moderator removed the URL>
     
    #6 Vanja, Oct 4, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 4, 2010
  7. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    That's a really cool idea. I'm not sure how she'll take to the idea of "others" being involved, but I'm definitely going to mention it and see what she thinks.

    Thank you!

    Something else that's worth mentioning that I just now thought of:

    When she had our daughter about 7 yrs ago, there was a major shift in her sexuality. Before having our daughter, Michelle and I would do a lot of the things that other couples did. We had sex in semi-public places where there was a low risk of being seen, but still the potential. We would have sex while watching porn. She orgasmed A LOT more back then, too. But that was in our first year together, so I've always tried to reason that out in my mind as "newness" in the relationship.

    Now, she absolutely hates porn----like "with a passion"--hates it. She says that she "hates the idea of me getting a hard-on while looking at some other chick". It's a chore it seems to get her to have sex anywhere other than the bedroom. And her orgasms aren't nearly as often, or explosive as they once were.

    Knowing all of that, I just figured she'd went through a major hormonal shift after having our daughter. But now it seems that the downward spiral is slowly continuing.

    Please don't get me wrong in all of this guys. I love her to pieces and I'm not upset to any real degree. I just want to try to spice things up a bit and see if there are some new things that we can try.

    I sure do appreciate all of you taking the time out of your busy schedules to pitch suggestions my way :D
     
  8. HardRocker

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    Something we have found to work wonders is to make time once a month or so, even if you have to force the time, and take her out on a date. Treat her like she's your girlfriend instead of just your domestic partner. That might rejuvenate a little excitement in her.

    Getting her away from things that may seem drab and depressing and a change of scenery can help renew perspectives. Maybe take her out dancing, or whatever suits your likes. We like to go out to a Blues or Rock club and have a supper with a dance and watch the people. And maybe have a couple of drinks, but not get hammered. That just confuses feelings, and fond memories are better than hangovers the next day too (I don't know whether y'all drink, but consider my advice if you do).

    And someone else suggested helping around the house more. So try even if you do a lot already. Some of us men tend to believe we do more than she thinks we do. Our method of doing chores is to just do whatever you see that needs doing. That eliminates his-chores and her-chores, and for us makes the household fairly stress free.

    I'm just saying what works for us, but we have nearly 30 years of history. I hope some of that is useful to you.
     
  9. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    I certainly IS helpful HR. Thanks man. I guess I'm sort-of brainstorming here, so any and ALL ideas are welcome.
     
  10. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    I apologize if you mentioned this and I missed it - what is her self-esteem like? How does she feel about her body now? In addition to the stress aspect that others mentioned (and which I agree with), if she does not still feel physically pretty or sexy, that can be impacting things as well. That might be part of her issue with porn - she feels you are looking and getting aroused at women that she cannot measure up to.

    I think the date ideas are good - getting out with her and spending time with her - even without you expecting anything sexual for it, but just showing much you love hand still find her fun and sexy. Hard Rocker's comment about "treating her like your girlfriend" is something I took to heart years ago with my wife - and it definitely has made a difference in our relationship.

    All of these things may not result in an overnight change, but the long term effect may be well worth it.
     
  11. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Yeah htoad, the dates are definitely something that we've struggled with. As most of you know, once you put the daily grind, with having two kids, and just life in general, it's not so easy to coordinate a night to yourselves, but we try. I'll definitely be trying to have more dates though.

    She's always had issues with her self-esteem. I tell her all the time how pretty she is, how sexy she is, etc... I'm a very vocal person when it comes to telling someone how I feel. I love to make sure she KNOWS how much I care. I never leave that for an assumption.

    She's never lost the weight that she put on with the pregnancy with our daughter. I think this may well play a part in her self confidence. She makes comments fairly often about how she hates the way her clothes fit. And how she can't fit into some of the cute outfits that she sees. Of course I downplay it as much as I can by telling her she's being silly, that she looks great, etc...I've tried (in a supportive, non-critical way) to motivate her to get more exercise so that she can drop a little weight and feel better about herself. But it seems to be to no avail. She just doesn't seem motivated enough to do it. So she doesn't lose any weight because her activity level is just so low.

    I can't stress enough---her weight is NOT an issue with me, but it sure is to HER. And I know that it also affects various other aspects about how she feels about herself.<----THAT'S why I try to motivate her to get some exercise. It's definitely not for any selfish reasons.

    In summary, I guess it makes a lot of sense that her self esteem could very well be a big player here, even though she hasn't ever told me that. She's not always forthcoming with feelings like that. Couple that with a lack of date nights, and this may very well be a big player in the situation.

    Thanks htoad!

    You guys and gals are the best!
     
  12. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    I know exactly where she's coming from with the weight issue - my sex drive goes down if I gain weight and goes way up if I lose some and feel better about myself. But the trick is not always to "just exercise and eat better". The motivation TO excercise comes from being happy and content. If i'm in a down slump I gain weight.... which makes me more down so I gain more weight and vice versa. Does she have any interests that she's passionate about that she could do on a regular basis, away from home? For me, I love music, used to play the piano and sing in lots of different choirs. I took some years off the choir thing once, gained weight and then went back to it and lo' and behold.... started losing weight without even trying - which in turn got me going in the gym. It just made me happy, I got to vent out my frustrations by singing "miserere mei deus" with a bunch of people (even though I'm SO not religious) :D
    After I had my daughter (I was single then) my mom pushed me to join an amateur acting group - we performed a play on stage, it was soooo much fun. The same thing happened there - although my breastfeeding my daughter got me very skinny (best diet I ever had!), my skin was still kind of "lose". But being happy and interested in something other than my daughter got me started with working out again and thus got my libido in gear.

    It's not always just about the marriage or that your partner doesn't make you happy (btw. you seem like a wonderful husband and I'm sure she appreciates your patience even though she may not say it out loud all the time). For me, and I think I speak for many other women, it's all about being happy and interested in something outside of the domestic bliss.
     
  13. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Hi Vanja!

    Yeah the more I delve into this situation the more I'm beginning to realize that it's probably a great collaboration of things that got us to this point. I don't think that there is one single post yet that has totally missed the mark, so to speak. They all have valuable info and tips that I can and will use.

    Michelle is a very complex woman, it seems. There are rarely any "single causes" to issues that we see. Maybe that's how it is with most women, I don't know. All I DO know is that women have SO much going on all the time that y'all make us men seem really simple-minded in comparison....lol.

    Anyway.....about her motivation:

    I find it very difficult to get her motivated. I try suggestions of things that she might like to do......like go have lunch with a friend, go for a walk with me, just basically GO anywhere that she might find fun. But she seems content to be a total home-body. I don't care that she does that except that I don't think it's healthy for her mentally. There's definitely a lack of stimulus in her day to day (I think). But then again, I'm a busy-body who is always "into" something. Whether that be here at the house or out and about.


    Ok.......(really big sigh).....I'm gonna tell you guys something else that is probably at the heart of this issue. It's a difficult for me to bring up because her and I have fought over this many many times recently, and I'm just tired of fighting about it. So I've been reluctant to mention it here for fear that some of you will pounce on it and say "get rid of it". Well, if it were just that easy, I would have already done so.

    She's a bit addicted to the Playstation 3. I know it sounds silly to most on here, but it's true. There is a network that you can get on called Playstation Home where you can create an avatar that looks somewhat realistic. There are tons of different outfits that you can buy, "places" (like apartments, houses, etc...) that you can buy, and thousands of people from all over the world that you can talk to and interact with in real-time. She has a ton of friends and acquaintances on there. Please remember!: this problem we're having was evident way before we got the Playstation! So it's not that little box's fault. It's something to do with HER or her lack of activity, etc... She was pretty-much the same home-body, low exersion, no real hobbies-type of person before all of this PS3 business started. So even though I know already that she's spending an unhealthy amount of time on that thing, I believe that the PS3 is simply the latest "mask" if you will to the real issues.

    PS3 history:

    Here's how we got to where we are now:

    Before our previous house flooded and ruined everything we owned, we had an XBox360 that I'd bought mainly for the kids. Michelle soon realized that with an XBOX subscription card, that she could play UNO with people on there and talk to them with a headset while they played. She had a ball. Well, after the flood and dealing with moving, buying all of our stuff again little at a time, we have finally gotten back to where we were before--roughly. So I thought, "she sure did enjoy that XBOX when we had it, maybe I'll get her another one." Well, the XBOX's are famous for overheating. So I opted for the PS3 instead.

    I bought one and she found PS3 Home soon after. She was really digging it, so I thought "hehe, she's found something to dig into--GREAT! " She seemed really happy with it and I was happy to have done something for her that made her so happy. Well, my happiness was very short-lived. She asked me soon after if I thought it would be ok for her to be "boyfriend/girlfriend" with someone on there because everyone else seemed to be doing it and she thought it might be fun to pretend. Well.....the open-minded guy that I am said, Sure! But just remember your only playing a game. She said "well yeah, of course".

    Y'all know where this is going, don't ya?

    She started acting shady a few days later. Staying up later and later every night while I was in bed sleeping. NO biggie at first. I felt a little "left out". But nothing that I couldn't handle on my end. Well then it got to the point where I'd walk over to where she was, and she'd flip out of whatever screen she was on, and give me the "deer in the headlights" look. At that point I KNEW she was being sneaky and that things between her and her boy toy had been going too far. She was getting feelings for him.

    (sigh).......sometime after that, I blew up. Because this was a point of contention with us since the beginning of our relationship. She was always SO JEALOUS---bad jealous, that I couldn't even post shit on message boards without her coming by and reading my stuff at random. A chatroom...HA! Forget about it! She'd be all up in it bitching the whole time about some girls username or something that was said. Not sexual stuff mind you, but stupid shit. Even though she could talk on messenger, chat in her chatrooms, etc.... Fine for her, not for me.

    So we've fought over this stuff many times because I find it immature and petty that she was always so jealous. I mean damn, I'm just an ordinary guy. It's not like I'm Vin Diesel or Brad Pitt....just me. Why the jealousy?

    So when she started hiding shit, AND trying to keep me "in my cage" so to speak, I lost it and flipped out a bit. I asked her to see her messages and she said no. I said why not? SHe said because I just don't want everyone up in my shit, that's all. I said that's a crock of shit and you know it! You don't want me to see what your talking about because shit's gong on that shouldn't be!--That's why! And I left the house for a couple of hours.

    (continued below)
     
  14. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    So by the time I'd came back, I had my mind made up that we were done. She came in to the kitchen and sat down at the table and I asked her what she thought we should do with the kids? She can't handle our son by himself, she definitely can't handle both of em (soft parent). So I told her that she could go wherever she wanted to, but the kids were staying with me. The whole time, she had her head down. I asked her about her infatuation with this other dude. She denied it. I told her it was ridiculously obvious and that it was just pissing me off more by the second that she wouldn't own up to it. Why lie?!?! You've already BEEN caught. Well, she finally admitted after multiple times of me asking, that she had developed "some little bit of feelings" for the guy. But it wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it out to be-----pffft!--yeah right. So we then went back to talking about her leaving and where she'd go etc... And I'll admit, I was as cold as a block of ice. I was still ragingly pissed off, but calm. If that makes any sense. She told me she didn't want to "be with" someone else. That she loved me and didn't mean for things to go like this. Well, needless to say, I didn't WANT her to leave, but I'm not going to pretend that everything is ok when I've just lost a ton of trust with her, ya know?

    So....in the end, we decided that there should have been some very clear-cut, confusion-free, ground rules established in the beginning. Even though neither one of us thought this issue would ever have evolved in the first place. So that's what we decided to do at this point. I made things VERY clear on my end that she was to tell this dude in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that things had gone way too far. Furthermore, they were either gonna back WAY UP with this, or I didn't want her talking to him anymore. As well as stipulating a few other things. She was receptive to all of it.

    She later told this guy that she would only be casual friends with him and that whatever "they had" was over and done with because her man was ready to break up with her over it and whatever he wanted on the PS3 wasn't worth losing me for. Then suddenly, he turns into a raging asshole towards her. True colors finally showed up. So she deleted him as a friend and to my knowledge hasn't talked to him since.

    I noticed almost immediately after she was no longer talking to him that her demeanor was much closer to normal than it had previously been. Also, I go over where she is every night and she doesn't change any screens or act the least bit shady anymore.

    In our compromising about the PS3 mess, one of the things that I stipulated was that I refused to live like a caged animal. I WOULD post on message boards without her needing to read everything. I WOULD join SF and be a contributing member. I WOULD post a simple avatar picture and not post any of myself naked. I stipulated that she would NOT bitch about any movie that we watched that had a chick in a bikini in it----yeah, she'd bitch a rant about any hotties in movies that were scantily clothed--don't EVEN let one show up on screen naked....oh no!..lol. Basically, I felt like a 10 yr old kid that was only allowed to watch PG-rated movies. Yeah I know, sad huh?....lol. Well I made sure that all that is now GONE! I'm not living like that anymore.

    So here I am loving life on SF! We still have disagreements on her "time management" as I call it. But she's getting better at not spending countless hours on PS Home without contributing around the house. She's been doing laundry, dishes, and dinner, helping the kids with homework when I can't, etc.... While I'm out earning a living for us and doing all the outside chores, re-roofing the house, etc...

    Now we're still working on this PS3 shit, because I still feel that she spends too much time on it. But like I said before, I'm getting really tired of fighting about it. And to tell the truth, I really just don't want to put anymore scars on our relationship right now, since things almost came crashing down just a month and a half ago or so. So now we do more talking, and less fighting, but it's still somewhat of an issue for me.

    WHEW!

    Well there it is.....every last pertinent detail.

    Blast me if you have to........
     
  15. luvbug

    Gold Member

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    Ive already told you what I think!! lol

    Its good that she is doing better. Maybe if she was only on the PS3 for a certian amount of time when you are home? The rest of the evening time spent with you and the kids. During the day she should be doing her housework...whatever the kids needs....paying bills....grocery shopping etc....

    Im sure others will have much better advice for you!
    Hope things continue to go the way you want!!
     
  16. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Thanks bug!

    Ya know, several years ago I would have sworn life wouldn't ever get this complicated......who'd a thunk it?

    I've had plenty of excuses that would have justified me leaving, but I just love her too much to give up. We'll work this out like we have everything else eventually.

    Thanks for being so supportive, bug. And everyone else too!
     
  17. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    And here I was suggesting a new computer game, a very addicting one at that. I'm sorry :ugh

    I was hooked on an interactive game once too (Disney's Toontown... it's a kids game really but I was hooked nevertheless :p). It took a few months for me to get it out of my system, one day I just had enough and got bored. Sometimes I play it a few nights in a row until I get bored again... but it's nothing like it used to be. I don't know if your wife generally gets easily bored but if she does, chances are she will grow out of it without too much intervention from anyone. If she's REALLY hooked there may be a problem and she might need professional. Computer games are essentially an escape from reality, much like movies, they help you get away from your own life.... I think they're a little worse than movies though because at least they end after a couple of hours. You can play a computer game 24/7 if nothing stops you. That's exactly what I did right before I quit.... my daughter was at my parents' house and I literally didn't sleep for two whole days and almost didn't eat anything, that's how bad it got :ugh

    I'm glad things seem to be moving in the right direction though - any kind of addiction is hard to compete with and not much that the spouse can really do about it.
     
  18. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Very good points Vanja!

    My kids play Toontown....lol. I think it's a great kids game. And yes, I'm certain that you were not the only adult playing it ;)

    I might just be playing the optimistic card here, but I really think that the newness is beginning to wear off for her and the PS3. Only time will tell.

    We're talking more and more about pretty intimate things now---mostly our feelings on certain things that we really didn't discuss much before. I think we both "thought" we knew how the other felt about certain things, but we're finding out now that some of those assumptions were wrong. Basically, we're(I'm) using this whole mess as a way for us to open up to each other more and really dig into some of our core feelings for each other and the situational things around us.

    For instance.....she told me just this afternoon that she's had a calmer feeling about herself for a couple of months now. Meaning that her stress level has been falling. She has more peace of mind now than she used to. Well hell, she never told me....lol. And that's basically what I told her---"ya never told ME that".Those inner feelings are what I really need from her. I told her that the only way that I was going to be able to truly understand how she feels about things is to truly understand HER.

    So we're trying to open up more and believe it or not, this whole mess might just make us stronger as a couple.

    As far as the game you suggested Vanja, she was actually more receptive to it than I thought she'd be. Don't ya have to have two computers to be able to play together though?
     
  19. HardRocker

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    Do you think she would get anything good out of joining SF too?
     
  20. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Yeah you need two computers and two seperate accounts unfortunately. And the puter needs to have a good graphics card and your RAM needs to be pretty good too.

    It's embarrassing to admit but I originally found TT for my kiddo but she wasn't that interested - she's too hyper to sit by the computer in long stretches.... I'm glad she's like that. So I ended up playing at night when she was in bed. Many adults play it, I've played and chatted with some of them. Once met a whole family of players from AZ, three generations of players in fact, grandpa/grandma, parents and kids :D

    I know what you mean that you're getting stronger as a couple - we've had a few bad moments in the 6+ years we've been together and all of them have brought us closer once we decided to work on things. There seem to be a lot of similarities between us and you guys - you're the open one in the relationship, so is my husband. I also have a hard time putting my feelings/wants into words like your wife (not to mention the computer game addiction lol). And his patience with me when I'm in a down slump sexually is more appreciated than he probably realizes, I don't think I tell him enough.

    We (me and your wife) are probably somewhat alike when it comes to sex too - we need to feel good about ourselves to feel sexy and therefore horny, stress is the ultimate horny-blocker too (as well as fattener... is that a word?) and having a loving and patient husband who accepts us for who we are is definitely key. So keep doing what you're doing.