He's vanilla, I'm not so vanilla...

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by dwlunasgirl, Feb 2, 2011.

  1. dwlunasgirl

    dwlunasgirl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    California
    I have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for nearly 4 months with a wonderful man. I am more sexual than he is & I love to be restrained a little during sex. By this I mean that I love for my man to put my hands above my head & hold me down while we are in the missionary position. I also love to be tied up. My dilemma is the fact that my man seems to be very vanilla & kind of cringes with the slightest mention of this type of behavior. I'm not sure if he is being that way because he doesn't want me to think that he likes it or what. I am trying to figure out the best way to introduce my man to my interests. What should I do? How should I approach the subject with him? Any suggestions or advice is greatly appreciated!!
     
  2. Northside

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2009
    Messages:
    750
    Likes Received:
    309
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    You guys need to talk about your desires. I too would be hesitant to restrain a lady because I would feel like she didn't desire me so much, and I was forcing myself on her. Once I got past that I might go for it. We guys have pretty delicate egos sometimes.
     
  3. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I'm as wild as my partner of the time will let me be wild, so I'm into that if that's what they want. But if they don't want other than vanilla, what then? I reckon my wife and I have had sex about 4,000 times, and all of those similar to one-another would be a big ask, and terribly boring.

    Two suggestions. One is to ask him for his fantasies, and hopefully he's not like my wife and actually has some! The second is to hope, over time, that his desires will broaden. I'm a dominant person out of bed and my wife is submissive, and we did discover she does like to be the submissive in role play, so that's what we do from time to time. It works a treat as a change, and really refreshes both of us. For me, it's a nice break from 'making love', and I also get great pleasure out of her enjoyment of what we do.

    I have other desires which my wife is not interested in, and consequently we have never acted those desires out. This, unfortunatly, is the problem with mis-matched sexual desires.
     
  4. Alwayslearningsex

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    2,249
    Likes Received:
    789
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    You explained it is something you desire and brings a play element to the sex? Try turning it on on him, see if he would like to be tied - loosely but going along - and that you only give him sex, see if he likes it and give him an idea what makes you want it. Just an idea, if he's receptive.
     
  5. BlasphemousGirl

    BlasphemousGirl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2011
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I went through this with my S.O. Boring missionary sex life for YEARS! Finally, I bit my tongue and decided to sit him down and lay it ALL out on the table. I felt my insides cringe for a moment. The adrenaline was intense-- youd have thought I was about to leap off of a cliff on the count of 3! Something that seems so small-and petty.. why would it be so hard to discuss with your loved one? After the 'plunge' my heart sank, and then I felt the biggest sense of relief, EVER. It was a " are you serious? ME TOO!" moment.. And since then, we just blurt stuff out like its nothing. Wanna watch a porn? Awesome. Wanna smack my pussy while your at it? Talk dirty.. no problem? toys. anal play.. strap ons! YES PLEASE!.... Now that its all out in the open. Were game for anything.
    So point being-- just come out with it. It may be a hidden desire of his. He may not be as "vanilla" as you think?! He may just not have the balls to lurk into this realm.
     
  6. FrenchAccent

    FrenchAccent New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indianapolis
    Check out some web sites like rope-bondage.com, Ballgag, Crotchrope[/url] (beautiful rope art) and just tell him you would love to be one of the models. May be he just needs some pointers.
     
    #6 FrenchAccent, Mar 1, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2011
  7. MN_Professional

    MN_Professional New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minneapolis
    Maybe its just me but I can't imagine too many guys not wanting to do some crazy stuff. It just seems more like the women have that vanilla thing more than men. I've been working on my wife to be less vanilla but it is a slow process. Let us know how it goes and yes approach him. He will love you for it!
     
  8. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,074
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Not so MN Pro not all guys are attracted to B&D in fact I wasn't ready myself and felt weird when a former GF suggested it.
    Told her to do it to me first and if I liked it we could take turns...........I liked it!
    Current SO loves being restrained as though she is being "forced" to take whatever I dish out including spanking.
    I am very careful to keep it light and more symbolic than real.
    Hand restraints is a silk belt which is so slippery that if she wants to she can easily slip out but she never does instead making a great show of fighting & straining against it :)
     
  9. gyfo

    gyfo New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2011
    Messages:
    160
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South Africa
    My gf likes me to be very dominant in the bedroom. Which I absolutely love. She is a very dominant strong willed person outside of the bedroom. I'm about 6.4ft tall and very athletic but generally a placid nature easy going person. When we get in the bedroom we both change into something else. She from time to time likes to take control but generally its me.

    She also likes it when I pick her up and physically move her into positions that I want her to be in. Which gives me a massive sense of control. She has also from time to time like me to grab her hair. Especially if we doing doggy hard.

    There are also those time when I'm not even allowed to use my hands when she's in a dominant mood. So we mix it up a lot. Keeps the whole thing exciting.
     
  10. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,074
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Hi Gyfo,
    My relationship is almost the total reverse but like you we mix it some too.
    In life outside the bedroom I am the senior by twice her life and also co-worker plus the boss of the business branch.
    Same again with doggy she likes having her hair pulled and being spanked and in fact like that myself on both counts.
    When going down on her she often grabs a handful of my hair and physically directs my head so the tongue goes where she wants it at any particular moment.
    My scalp is quite loose so no harm done but it does give me goose bumps of pleasure!
     
  11. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    It is just you because there are a lot of sexually disatisfied wives out there. They want more than one or two positions in the same bed at roughly the same times of day, which is what some men reduce sex down to.
     
  12. SlaveBoy

    SlaveBoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2011
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    LIke you...I am very submissive and love the fact I can be controlled if you would by the girl I am with...and takes me to places like regular sex cannot.

    The way I made this known is .. start off as a hint or joke..about being tied up or mention cuffs, 4 point restraints...or send him an email to check out a few things to spice life up...like extreme restraints dot commm ..lol

    secretly buy some stuff and set up a suprise night of play...and have it layed out...it could be your lucky night....like it was for me.

    Best of luck
     
  13. need4more

    need4more New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2011
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    U.S.
    Oh so true :-(


     
  14. Jolay

    Jolay New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2011
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Female
    yeah making your man your sex slave seems so delicious