her desire is gone, is she cheating?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by kevinaston, Aug 19, 2012.

  1. kevinaston

    kevinaston New Member

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    So this is the story, me and my gf have been together for about 7 years or so.
    I despise alcohol and drinking regarding close ones for some bad experience
    i had when i was younger, so out of respect she stopped drinking also.
    4 years ago we had a little boy, and sex after the birth when things had
    healed with her and got better was back to normal and great, if i initiated
    move down below for foreplay then she would open the legs give me soom room
    to play and everything would go good from there. She used to enjoy it too,
    making noises etc and huffing from pleasure. So come to today, id have to say for the
    last 3-4 months, sex has gone from 2-4 times a week to 1 every 3 weeks or so.
    Initiating sex now involves alot of work and persuaion from my side, when i do
    initiate a move to go down below with my hand for foreplay, her legs do not move no more
    she gives them shut, i feel sick/perverted trying to force my hand down there
    when she quietly not moving them at all. What puts me on edge more is that she
    works as a parts manager for a motorbike shop, working with young lads out the back
    in the garage etc, i visited her work couple of times, 1 lad working with his overalls
    round his waist with chest out, lets just say he wasnt fat nor off putting and thats
    coming from a male. She works with these guys 3-4 days a week, 9-5. I try not to be the
    jealous and ignore it in my head, but since this sex problem, it only hightens the problem
    in my head, the other days shes not working shes at college doing a engineering course
    where 80-90% of the students are males, i have questioned couple times about this and
    mostly the response is "really?they are kids 16-19 years old, i dont think so" shes 23 im 27. But the guys
    at her work are not kids they are older, like into thier 20s. Whats more interesting
    is that the job is quite a drive away for that kind of job, like an hours drive, for the
    pay it is not worth travelling that kind of distance, id understand if it was a speciliased
    job etc, for that pay just get a local job in the same town. we are at a point where
    i ask for sex that evening, so she knows i want to have sex tonight.
    This part ive already wrote on another forum and got a worrying answer, 99%
    of our relationship has been with me being hairy below this never seemed to be
    a problem and she enjoyed sex regardless, i shaved once but obv grew back quick
    then only very recently she has all of a sudden gone on about me shaving down
    below and to do it as she will want to have sex (on the other forum, most the ppl suggested
    and agreed that she has been having sex with someone else who is shaven hence why
    my down below area has been suddenly off putting). Then it come to today
    where i ended up writing this. We went to town today, and asked her to buy these trousers
    i think look sexy to spice it up in the bedroom (getting her to buy these trousers
    wasnt easy, i had to keep reminding her about coming with me to the shop to buy them
    she wasnt interested at all, just my persuasion to buy them), especially on someone slim like my gf, and a sexy looking top for in the
    bedroom. I have the night off work, so i was excited about the sex this evening and couldnt
    wait, she popped out to take the son swimming, so i used this time to go shave myself
    doing the best i can down there. I was all ready to please her visually and physically
    So we put the tv on and waited for the boy to go to bed. I then turn round to see her
    fast asleep :( 9:30pm. I understand if shes tired but thats been an excuse so many time
    i dont know how to take it, so i went over to the couch, and even placed her hand down
    my trousers, in the excitement at my new shaved area, really happy and about her feeling
    the new feeling, only for her to rub 3-4 times and start snoring. I wasnt even going to
    ask her to wear the sexy new clothes, i was so excited i just wanted to have sex, but
    nothing :( So this is where i am now, sat here at my computer again, wondering all these
    different things, i want to ring my mother, but shes so happy about mine and my gfs relationship
    and proud of it, i dont want to hurt her by telling her somethings up between us.
    Before any1 says, i have tried to talk about it with her, why she wont do it whats wrong etc
    what can i do to make it happen, and same response "i just get too tired" this can be 2pm, 3pm,
    4pm doesnt matter same response. Another one is i feel ill. Havent had the headache one yet though.
    I even remember the days where SHE wanted sex with me, and i had to use the headache one.
    But thats not because of cheating or anything, i was genuinely lazy and tired and really couldnt be
    assed so my excuses were genuine. But can only remember me doing that once. Even during
    sex we have now i make myself go longer to try to please her, and it gets to a point
    where she goes "have you gone yet" as a male trying to please, thats possibly one of the
    most hurtful things to hear during. So at this point of course i just go and its over.
    So thats it really, quite an essay i know, but i really need to talk to someone ive phoned
    advice lines, even though they are free 0800 number are not free from a mobile phone
    and thats all i have. Granted im quite lazy, she moans at me for not washing up, not hoovering
    not helping round the house etc, and ill put me hands up to that one, but we still lie
    on the couch and watch films together with all that put aside. But its got to a point where
    this is all i think about. I have no desire to have sex with someone else, if i see
    someone at work wearing some sexy clothes, i do not think, i want to have sex with her.
    I think i would like to see my gf in that. Hence these trousers i thought were very sexy
    as they got quite popular around my area, and all i could think of was my gf in a pair.
    I hope someone can really help me. thanks
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Have you tried helping around the house more? If you take at least half the work she won't be so tired anymore.

    Possibly it is because of your hair. Maybe you have an unpleasant odor.

    She could also be cheating.

    Maybe she doesn't find you attractive anymore.

    It could be dozens of possibilities.

    Has she tried going to the doctor? Does she think having sex less often is a problem?

    Also in your respond please try to break it into paragraphs. It's difficult trying to read one long post.
     
  3. pawg69lover

    pawg69lover New Member

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    I know you don't want to hear it but it is quite possible she is cheating on you. The sudden loss of interest in you sexually might stem from feeling guilty about cheating on you. On the other hand it may have nothing to do with cheating at all and there's something else bothering her.
    Your best bet honestly is to just talk to her and have an open & honest conversation about what is happening between you two. I guess if you really want to know if she's cheating on you or not you can always hire a private investigator to follow her around but be prepared for what the PI may turn up...
     
  4. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Well dude you didn't say anything you've done that kills her attraction for you. That's often something that happens over time...

    But you describe her as your girlfriend, you have a kid with her... Why so lack of commitment?

    Sitting and watching movies together does not consittiue an activity that does anything for the relationship.
     
  5. Dragon_Fire

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    The best aphrodisiac for a woman is a man doing the dishes. You've mentioned that she's asked you to help clean up but you're happy to flop down on the couch and watch telly together. Even though she's not jumping up and suddenly vacuuming doesn't mean she's not silently fuming because she thinks you're not pulling your weight.

    Being a parent of a four year old is exhausting plus she's working and studying on top of that and you're wondering why she's tired all the time.

    Then you're questioning her about the gentlemen she's working with. If I thought my partner didn't trust me, I'd be slamming my thighs shut tight and no amount of begging would open them.

    About the shaving idea, maybe she's talked to others about it, watched porn or even secretly frequents forums like this one. There's plenty of people here who want their loved ones to shave but it doesn't mean they are cheating. Even if she didn't like it before, tastes change. I know mine do.

    Of course, there is a chance she's cheating, what do I know? I personally doubt she would have the energy.
     
    #5 Dragon_Fire, Aug 19, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2012
  6. Meee

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    In addition to the things that the other replies have said, I want to add that the way you intiate sex sounds like a formula and not even a very interesting one. Same old thing for seven years and yes, she's going to find herself just not being interested in sex as much anymore. Mix it up. Be creative. Make it fresh.
     
  7. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    With all due respect to the women, I don't think I buy into the doing of chores as an aphrodisiac. Women just want that stuff done. If it's going to lead to sex, it's because they're already attracted to you anyway and if they're not, guaranteed they'll be "tired" by the time you get done.

    Here's the deal man. Whether she is cheating on you or not is somewhat irrelevant at this point. She's just not attracted to you. If she's cheating on you, confronting her won't do you any good unless you're looking to get out of the relationship, and it sounds like that's not the case. In all scenarios, you need to fix what's wrong that is leading to her not being attracted to you. If you were moving on, you'd need to do it for you. If you're sticking to her, you need to do it for you.

    Shaving - she didn't need it to become attracted to you initially, just do it if you like it.

    Let's start here with this question: Is it possible that the way you're going about things might seem to her as if you're acting needy? The clothes thing you described really sounds like this might be the case.

    You say once every 3 weeks for sex... Women get horny around ovulation, could it be you're getting it once a month?

    I dunno let's start there (And let's see if you're back to discuss further)
     
  8. 12barblues

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    After reading your post, I have concluded that you have far to many issues for me to even begin to try to offer help..I don't mean to sound mean, but how did it last this long? If I approached a relationship the way that you do, I don't know a single woman that would have me....my best advice would be a complete overhaul of how you think of relationships....maybe a trip to the bookstore, grab some self help books on relationships and just read for a while....i sincerely wish you the best of luck tho. I hope you can work it out somehow. The fact that youre here asking , is maybe a good sign that you are trying at least....
     
  9. OverSinged

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    Yeah... I'm sorry, but this wall of text rivals some of the ones I've seen on gaming forums, just without all the tasty rage which leaves it dry about... 10 lines in with no foreseeable end to that drought.

    I say if you have that big of a list of problems, somethings off, and from Blue's post, it's you.

    Also, even as a virgin I know the ladies can fake pleasure, so she may not like it quite as much as you think.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    Dude you have lost her, slipped through your lazy fingers is all.
    Can you get her back?
    Well not easily 'caus it has to be all about her rather than you and for someone so self centred that is a big ask.
    She may be seeing someone else but if so it was your fault.
     
  11. kevinaston

    kevinaston New Member

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    Yes i do apologise about the stupidly long walls of text, what happened was I signed up to another forum, who made me wait for a confirmation email to join. 2 hours went by and i didnt get the email.

    So i said to myself ill write it out in notepad for now while its in my mind, then when i get my confirmation link in the email, i can then just transfer it across.

    A third hour went by and still no email, so i found another help site, this one. Signed up and got in straight away.

    I apologise to the people who cant read it, and greatly thank those that did.
     
  12. cbrmale

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    More often when a woman has an affair and there are no negative relationship issues, home sex life improves (doesn't get worse and doesn't stop). That's how my wife guessed about my first affair because I was more attracted to her and we were having better sex as a result. I have since read a bit about affairs and also spoken with the married women I have affairs with as well, and more and better sex is a common outcome of an affair.

    In your case your girlfriend doesn't love you anymore and that's why she doesn't want to have sex with you.
     
  13. AGFUNK

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    Honestly re reading your entire post it just seems like she's tired from taking care of a four year old, going to school and doing everything around the house. If you actually helped out she would probably not be as tired and more inclined to have sex with you.

    She also likely feels that you should be doing some housework as well.
     
  14. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    [​IMG]


    for letting her get away.