Help with a problem?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by lose_it, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. lose_it

    lose_it New Member

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    I've been dating my boyfriend for two months and he is perfect for me. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. We are both virgins (he is 25 and I am 22). We decided to take it slowly at first and explore each others bodies and learn what each other likes.
    So far I've given him three blowjobs, for pretty long periods of time, starting at 30 min, 45, and then the last one was an hour. And yet he couldn't orgasm from any of them. The first time we were both a little courageous from the alcohol and contributed that to why he couldn't come (because I couldn't either). The second and third time we were both sober. He claims it feels really good (although I'm sure my technique could improve), but he isn't able to come. At first, it was due to nerves, but now he is freaking himself out thinking he has a medical problem or something. How do I get him to calm down and blow his mind enough to have an orgasm? What should I do to help him?
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Some men just can't orgasm from oral, maybe your boyfriend is one of those guys.
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    Maybe he's trying to make it happen instead of letting it happen. My experience with first orgasms is, just enjoy the feelings that you are having, and when it happens, it happens.
     
  4. daletom

    daletom New Member

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    I'm a guy who actually finds it somewhat difficult to climax from a blowjob, so let him know it's not unusual. If you can get feedback from him - telling you what feels good, using his hands to move your head and hands in the way that feels best, etc - it may help. (And this may take a little more sophistication than you two have at this point in your experience. I know I probably couldn't tell a girl how to give me oral sex when I was your age.)

    If you two are virgins at the ages you mentioned, it's because you have chosen to be virgins (and I strongly support your choice), and sex isn't something you take lightly. I will guess that you are the first partner he has progressed to this level of intimacy with. Given those factors, it's understandable that he is nervous, embarrassed, and reluctant to have you bring him to climax. If he really cares for you it may actually increase his reluctance. How about your attitude? (Be honest.) Are you truly fascinated by his body? Looking forward to when you can go all the way to full intercourse with him? Or are you doing the duty of a serious girlfriend, letting him have some sexual pleasure so he stays with you? His response depends on how he "reads" your attitude (and he may be accurate, or inaccurate).

    Is the pleasuring reciprocal? Are you getting orgasms from his fingering you, cunnilingus, humping against his thigh, etc? Feeling that he is forcing you to do this without reciprocation may contribute to his lack of response.

    My wife and I were 23-yr old virgins on our wedding night, so we were at a similar stage of our relationship at your age. Rather than oral sex to completion, I would finish by rubbing and pressing against her naked hip and thigh. That had the advantage of her holding me during my orgasm - something she enjoys quite a bit.
     
  5. 1hotmamma420

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    Well said daletom.

    My hubs doesn't cum very often from blowjobs. Never has, with anyone. It is very rare.
     
  6. lose_it

    lose_it New Member

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    Thanks for all your responses. I'll let him know that it's common to not be able to come from a blowjob.

    And daletom, I'd like to reply to your questions. I would say my attitude is very eager. I have a very high sex drive and he knows this. I also told him before I ever even saw him naked that giving him a blowjob would be a very big turn-on for me. I tell him that I very much love his body. However, I feel that he has some physical insecurities and knows that I love how he looks, but doesn't quite believe it. And yes, I cannot wait to have sex with him. I'm going on birth control next week and then after that, it's a done deal. I think I might be more wanting of sex than he is. Not that he doesn't seem to wait to have sex with me, because he clearly does. I don't feel as though it is my duty to please him, I genuinely want to. And I don't think he'd leave me if I didn't. Our relationship is more than just the sexual aspect which is why I decided I wanted to have sex with him.

    I have had one orgasm with him, but it was a joint effort. Combined with me masturbating and him pleasing me in other ways. He is incredible at pleasing me. I also noticed that when I'm giving him a blowjob he gets harder when he's touching my pussy and my tits. I'm not sure if it's because he likes touching them or if he enjoys my moaning.
     
  7. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Sounds like he derives confidence from his effectiveness as a sexual partner. Don't just fake it, give him honest feedback. Tell him when you like something, and if something isn't doing it for you help him to do it better.

    So let me tell you about my experiences and thoughts with my wife. When I masturbate, I can come in around a minute. When my wife gives me blowjobs/handjobs it's either part of foreplay and I save myself for the main event or she's doing it for me till I come because she isn't in the mood for sex. When it's the latter, I try to come sooner so she doesn't tire out, but that can be 10 minutes or more. I like her doing it far better than masturbation.

    Try more body contact, 69 is great for that. Hand around the base of his cock and maybe the palm gently stroking his balls while you suck feels great.

    And personally, I love touching my wife while she's giving be a blowjob. I like her tits and it makes me feel good when she allows me to feel how they feel, and even though I know there's a physiological explanation for her nipples getting hard, I like that they get hard and how they feel when hard. It makes me feel good to touch her legs when she's shaved them because it makes me feel like she did it for me.
     
  8. lose_it

    lose_it New Member

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    He told me he stopped masturbating since Friday, in hopes that tonight when I come over he will be able to cum. Do you think that will work?
     
  9. daletom

    daletom New Member

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    It might. It's just as likely to put more pressure on BOTH of you to "make it happen".

    I know it's not easy to do, but enjoying each other's company should probably be your main goal. Let the sex be something that's added to your relationship, rather than some kind of milepost or check-box you use to rate your relationship.

    Having said that . . . it's encouraging to hear that you two are consciously taking some time to learn each other's bodies, and responses, and how to pleasure each other. I think it'll pay off in the long run. You may consider it old-fashioned, quaint, or corny but I believe there is a lot of value in the non-coital lovemaking activities (even - or perhaps especially - the non-orgasmic practices). Over the years these have been lumped under a variety of slang terms, such as necking, making out, petting, bundling, etc, etc. These activities carry over into the foreplay and afterglow that differentiate mutually satisfying and pleasurable lovemaking, from "just fucking". (Or, as it has been described, "masturbating yourself with your partner's genitals".)

    I first had a girlfriend the summer after graduating from High School. I never saw her naked, or fondled her breasts, certainly nothing like oral or vaginal sex - our lovemaking was pretty much limited to necking on her back porch. In the four months that we were lovers she taught me a LOT about making love with a woman. I learned to find and stimulate pleasure zones on our bodies, how to "read" each other's body, the give-and-take of being guided by (and guiding) my partner.

    It would be four years before I had another real date, much less a girlfriend - and that second girlfriend has been my wife for over 35 years. She doesn't appreciate how much her own sexual satisfaction is a result of what I learned from my first girlfriend. (And, truth be told, my wife could learn a few things about kissing from her as well.) It was 3 or 4 months after we started dating - and were already engaged - before we got to the point of oral sex, and another month or more before it went all the way to climax. So don't think you're a mediocre performer because your relationship isn't yet at that point.

    Your observation that your B/F is stimulated by your own responses and reactions, is probably quite accurate. Stereotypes to the contrary, most guys get a LOT of satisfaction from pleasing their partners. I definitely have vivid memories of my wife and I giving each other our virginity, but equally as memorable was the evening I helped her to her very first orgasm, her thighs wrapped around my ears. It's very likely that your gasps, squirms, whimpers, shudders and moans are an incredible turn-on for him if genuine; or a major turnoff if they are forced or faked.
     
  10. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    Jerk him off while you blow him. Put a lot of pressure with your hand. Jerk him off while you suck the head of his cock. Using both i would be in shock if he did not come. I would lose it in minutes. I once bet this girl she could not make me cum by blowing me in an hour. Of course it was a win win for me. However she did this to me and i was struggling not to cum. You would not believe the thoughts I had going through my head. Anyway she won by almost 50 minutes. Like I said it was a win win situation. I also admire your dedication. This guy is a lucky man... Good luck.