Help! Should I or shouldn't I?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by beany, Nov 9, 2006.

  1. beany

    beany New Member

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    I'm been in a relationship for over a year now and I love my girlfriend intensily. I couldn't dream of being without her and she is really part of me. In fact, I'm considering proposing, but that's another story.

    So the problem is this. I love sex. I really do, however my girlfriend, although she's great in bed, doesn't like to do a lot of the things I do plus she doesn't want to experiment too much.

    For example, I would like to try anal, but she's not happy with that idea at all. Another thing that turns me on is being able to cum on the face or in the mouth. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, however that is totally out of the question for her. I've tried so hard with the gently gently approach by buying books, hinting every once in a while or just talking about it but it's totally off limits to her.

    So what do I do?!

    I've considered maybe just having sex again with an old friend of mine. Just so I can satisfy those needs. She's still single and we use to be "sex buddys" a couple of years ago and I know she would say no.

    Only I feel totally awful that the girl I really love can't totally satisfy my needs.

    I can't lose her as I'd be totally lost without her. We just totally get on with each other and apart from the sex issues, everything is perfect.

    HELP!!!!
     
  2. Thorn

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    The only thought I come up with is: If you really love her is it worth losing her just because several of your sexual desires are not being met? You said, "she's great in bed." Sometimes those more "deviant sexual acts" come with time. So you have to make a decision, keep her or lose her. If you go to your old sex buddy or someone else it could be the beginning of the end for you and your g/f. Of course others may have ideas how you could move her to trying some of your desired sexual acts but if not you have to decide if this girl is worth keeping, knowing that those things may have to wait or possibly never come around at all
    in your relationship.
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I agree with what Thorn said. Doing your "fuck buddy" could end what you describe as the love of your life.

    The only thing I would add is, never enter into a permanent relationship with the hopes that you will change her in time. You have to come to grips with all her "shortcomings" and decide if you are willing to live her, just as she is, for the rest of your life.

    :rose
     
  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Would you tolerate it if she did the same thing: If she had a need that you were unwilling (at this time) to fulfill and she turned around and sought satisfaction from someone else? IF you love her, IF she is part of you, IF the two of you are perfect together and you see yourself creating a future with this woman, do not do anything to her that you would not want done to you.

    The thing is, you already know all this. At 24 your every sexual desire and fantasy isn't supposed to have been met. Love her for what she DOES do for you, for the ways she does take care of you..... the rest will come in time.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    Accept what she offers and learn to be happy with it or end it with her and move on. Cheating on the one you love is not the answer.

    Love and sex are basic needs. Anal sex and facials are (for you) desires. Your life isn't going to be much different whether or not you have anal sex and facials, but love changes everything.
     
  6. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Like the delightful Rose and Thorn, my wife and I have been married for quite some time now (28 going on 29 years). There are some things (such as anal sex) that I would like to have tried but my wife hasn't wanted to do them so we don't. I would like to have had sex with my wife a whole lot more than we have had it, over the years, however, I have adapted myself to her. I carry on and say stuff here on SF, however, after having fun and teasing people and flirting with some of the ladies (such as the luscious melicious and the delightful, delicious Puss in Boots ;>), I log off and am with my wife as her husband (hence the name "HerHubby", ha, ha). I have gotten the very distinct impression, over the years, that some women whom I have worked with, even some who have been in the churches I have attended, and some I have seen in the community at various places, were interested and might well have formed a sexual relationship with me (mind you, I don't look like a movie star and don't go around openly ogling women - I've learned to use my peripheral vision and sneak peeks, ha, ha ;>). However, while polite and kind to the ladies (and very flattered that some of them seemed very interested), at days end, I always went home to my wife. It's called LOVE and a conscious choice of being faithful to her. Oh, mind you, if I had met Puss or mel or bluesy or some of the others while I was single, I'd probably have been after them like a slobberin' poon hound (ARRROOOOOO!!! ;>), however, I am married and, although sometimes they DO come to mind while I am not on SF, when I log off I am my wife's hubby and always will be for the rest of my life. Who knows? Maybe someday my wife and I will do some of the "kinky" things I would like for us to do. However, if we don't, well, hey, while sex is great, life IS about a whole lot more than sex. And I agree with mel, above, "...at age 24 your every sexual desire and fantasy isn't supposed to have been met." On your birthday, do you sit down and choke down the WHOLE birthday cake at one time or do you have a piece now and save some to enjoy later! SHEEZE! Some of you younger guys need to at least give your balls a chance to recharge! I figure that some of these huge fires in California and elsewhere in our nation were caused by you young studs either whacking off or fucking your significant others so much that you created sparks and set the woods on fire! Smokey the Bear needs to whack you with his shovel and pee on you to cool you down!!
     
    #6 HerHubby, Nov 9, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2007
  7. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    And, remember, Smokey Bear's pal Woodsy Owl says, "Give a hoot, don't pollute!" Don't leave those used condoms layin' around! EWWWW!!!
     
    #7 HerHubby, Nov 9, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2007
  8. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Egad!!! My Rottweiler Just Farted!!! Ewwwww!!!! Talk About Air Pollution!!! Saints Preserve Us!!! Gotta Get That Dawg Outside Before I Pass Out!!! Arrrgggg!!! Cough, Cough!!! Give Us Air, Give Us Air!!! Ewwwwwww!!!!
     
    #8 HerHubby, Nov 9, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2007
  9. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    You are single and the choice is totally yours. If you would be lost without this girl then why would you want to "cheat" on her? Just because she does not fulfill your needs does not justify cheating on her. Have you looked below the surface of the relationship to see what really is going on? I am willing to be that there are some unresolved issues that need to be addressed. By addressing them may not get her to be more adventerous but it will help you make the decisions that you need to make.
     
  10. Bluesy

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    If she isn't enough for you as she is right now, at this moment in time, I would advise you to just move on. You can't change her and she's allowed to have her boundaries. If you can't sacrifice a couple of sex acts for love, it doesn't sound to me like she's really worth it to you.
     
  11. Thorn

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    I wonder if beany has read all the good advice we gave him. Maybe he is reading it without signing in. beany, where are you?:shrug
     
  12. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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  13. Bluesy

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  14. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Couples naturally have an "exploratory phase" when they 1st starting having sex together. Ideally, both should give each other plenty of space, even to try things that may not be part of their usual routine! I've had girls ask me to do things I had never even thought of before! And vice versa! Haven't you Blue? And if you love the person, and you see it's important to them, usually you'll at least give it spin! Right? I never implied that "all no s are bad"! And you both agree, a "no" isn't even necessary!

    Strong differences of opinion in bed, or a lack of agreement on the sex that doesn't get resolved can cause tension!
     
  15. cbrmale

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    I will go against the recent flow and advise NOT to break up. You say your girlfriend is great in bed, which I assume is she enjoys sex, is relaxed and comfortable and you have a good time. This is a good start.

    Anal, well, it sounds scary, and at least half the women you'll meet will refuse it without trying. Me, been there done that, it was naughty and fun, but I prefer ordinary intercourse in any case. Anal is a personal and intimate thing, and I wouldn't get stressed over it. I certainly wouldn't have an affair just to get anal sex!

    Your other fantasies seem sourced from a few porn movies, some women find it degrading to be sprayed with come or be forced to swallow it. Again, nothing unusual here, and many women are not so keen on their partners coming in their mouths or over their bodies. Again I wouldn't have an affair just to do these things!

    What you may find is that men and women who have affairs based upon sex lives are either not getting enough sex, or the basics are not right. One partner is too passive and the other gets sick of making the moves and driving each and every love making session. You have a good start with love and a healthy sex life, and you should be grateful for what you have!

    I know, I had a period of time when the basics weren't right, and I did have affairs. Now the basics are right and the affairs are over. Still don't have anal, and rarely come in mouth, but as long as our love and sex is working okay, that's good enough for me!

    Trust me, affairs are bad, but if your basic sex life is good, then be grateful.
     
  16. cbrmale

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    Men rarely say 'no' when a girl suggests something (unless it is really off). Or at least I don't say no, and I have had some wonderful experiences as a result. One reason why a few sexual partners in life is a good thing! I've had girls do things that I have suggested, but certainly not everytime

    In this case, the issues seem minor (anal, come over body, come in mouth), which I am sure this guy can live without if he's having a generally enjoyable sex life. After all, how many women have you had sex with who wouldn't do anal? For me, about three-quarters.
     
  17. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Cybr,

    Didn't you just recently post that you were with a Chinese girl in Bejing last week? And that you are currently married to a black African?
     
  18. pirouette

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    No, he posted about it last week admitting he couldn't remember it as clearly as he'd like. I assume the experiences were quite some time ago with the Chinese woman. Now he's married to an African woman! :lol
     
  19. cbrmale

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    Yep, that's right, it was qute a few years ago. My memories were slightly hazy but partly-vivid. It was a long adventure taking in a few countries and a few lovely darlings.

    My love live has been like the United Nations!
     
  20. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I don't know about everyone else, but I didn't advise him to break up. I advised him to grow up...... and respect the woman he says he loves, and her boundaries.