Help? Relationship Problems

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by LunaLovegood, Jul 8, 2010.

  1. LunaLovegood

    LunaLovegood New Member

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    My boyfriend is in Afganistan. He is very cool. I love him to death.

    We have never had sex during our relationship.

    But he bought me toys to play with.

    Problem is he wants sex when he comes back from Afganistan..

    Im kind of scared since I am a virgin and he is experienced.

    How do I hand this situation?:ugh
     
  2. Mittimer

    Gold Member

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    Well let me ask you this.

    Are you ready for sex?
    Do you think he's the one you want to lose yourself with?

    Are you ready for THAT type of relationship?
     
  3. HardRocker

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    If you are not sure of it, then wait. If he's a good guy, he will respect that. He may not like it, but respect is of a higher importance than the inconvenience of not getting what he wants.
    If he instead tries to pry it out of you by laying a guilt trip on you about how hard it was over there, then he doesn't get IT. He certainly has been through a lot, but it's not your responsibility to reward him by giving up something as precious as your self and a huge turning point in your life. Only you should be in control of that. YOUR decision.

    Sorry, I don't feel very eloquent tonight, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey anyway.
     
  4. cbrmale

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    First up, I remember my first time which was with a very experienced woman, and she was cool with that once I told her. Also, I remember some of the fuss people make about viriginity and so on, and after I had sex that first time, I wondered what the fuss was all about... It is natural, and a part of what we are. Something special to be shared and enjoyed, not locked away. I was talking about this with my daughter just last night, and she said the same thing. She wondered what the fuss was all about too!

    You're reticent because you're inexperienced and he's experienced. My now wife had waited, and her first time was during our courtship. I was very experienced by then, and this was a bonus for her. I had the confidence and experience to arouse her, get her ready, and then... It was much better for her than a guy who had little or no experience. I didn't expect that first time to be magical for either of us, but it was okay. And, over the next weeks, I gently guided her and gave her more and more of the benefit of my experience.

    So I say go for it, and be glad that your boyfriend has experience enough to know what he's doing. It will be good for him, and it will be good for you too.
     
  5. fothermucker

    fothermucker New Member

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    I have to agree with HR 100% here. It is your body, your virginity, your choice. If he respects that you might not be ready for it, good for him. If he tries to get pushy or gives the good old guilt trip, send him packing. If you aren't ready for it, let it be his problem, because if you do something that you aren't ready for, you are likely to regret it for quite some time.
     
  6. Dragon_Fire

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    I feel that you expressed it very well.

    LunaLovegood, I feel from your post that you're not ready and the worst thing you could to is let yourself be pressured into sex. You will know when you're ready and won't need anyone talking you into it.
     
  7. LunaLovegood

    LunaLovegood New Member

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    Thanks so much ladies and guys. The butterflies are gone now :)
     
  8. HardRocker

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    Cbrmale laid out the flip side pretty well. You should consider what he said if you are really on the fence. Just don't ever do it out of any feeling of obligation whether it's your first or not.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    We actually had a national debate in Australia over a similar issue just recently. The new leader of the opposition made some comment about his daughters and how precious their virginity was, and how he didn't want them to give it away - and he was turned on with venom! His view is sexist: where men are encouraged to enjoy themselves at first opportunity, but women, somehow, have to be 'protected', and how women are 'precious' and how female virginity shouldn't be 'given away'.

    Needless to say, no other Australian politician will stray into that minefield again! It is no longer the 19th Century, and these days women have just as many rights to enjoy sexual expression as men.
     
  10. Dragon_Fire

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    Exactly. Women have as much right to sexual pleasure as men but even so, they shouldn't feel pressured into it.