Help Please Very Silly

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by jurgen232, Nov 18, 2010.

  1. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    hi all, my first post.
    i recently split up from my girlfriend of 5+ years. I took the breakup alot worse than i thought. It was my first relationship, my first love, lost my virginity to this girl etc etc. Im 23 years old so ive been in along term relationship since a child. After about 2 weeks into the breakup i hit depression which last luckily for about 2 weeks and was under alot of emotional stress. I have always fancied women and have had an extremely high sex drive as far as i can remember. Becoz i was under so much stress and could not control my thoughts (a symptom of depression) i didnt release that such emotional stress can crush your libido. Due to the lack of thought control I stupidy tried to convince myself that becoz my sex drive had gone then it must mean that i dont like women anymore which is completly stupid and i feel liek such an idiot, this wasnt helped by the fact that i was in such a state. Now i seem to have made myself nervous infront of every man. LOL. I know this sounds stupid. Ive done alot of research into emotional stress and it is natural for you to lose ur sex drive after such a traumatic event. What the hell have i done to myself.
    Any one got any advice? Ive been told so far to just dismiss my stupid thoughts and wait for my libido to come back.
     
  2. awakened

    awakened New Member

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    Well, i am a woman so i may tell you something that wont really help, but I want you to know you have come to the right place to talk it out, NOT dismiss it. We are here to help think things through and get to the better place in life, the happy place or at least the acceptance place :)
     
  3. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    thanks for the reply. Ive never had any thoughts about being gay or anything. Like i said ive always fancied women and thats ALWAYS been me. Im still attracted to women but as my sex drive seems to have temporarily gone for the emotional reasons i think i just got a little worked up for no reason. I dont have anythin against homosexuals or anything like that, i just dont think its me. The friends who i have spoken to it about laughed when i told them becoz they said it was so stupid as im probably the most straight guy they know?
     
  4. Sigh

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    Hi, i'm got depression as well and it's true your libido does go down quite a lot. You're lucky you've had your depression for only a few weeks so it's not severe and you should get therapy, it helps a lot. Once you get treatment, meds and/or therapy then you'll not only feel happier in life but your libido will go back to normal. As for thinking you don't like women anymore, I've gone through something like that. At one point i thought I'd gone off men and started wondering if I might be bisexual or something and thought about whether i could go as far as kissing another girl etc but I think everyone goes through that - questions their sexuality at some point in their life. The best way to figure out if you really are straight is to think back to when you were a child. Did you ever desire to kiss boys etc? My guess is that your straight and the depression is making you confused about a lot of things and you can't think properly.

    I hope you manage to get through it soon and return to your former happy self <3
     
  5. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry to here uve got depression and I hope u have a speedy recovery soon. As I'm sure ur aware. you can't control ur thoughts and u try to convinve urself sumthin ur not. I'm through the worst of it now and I'm slowly starting to get back to myself. The libido etc I hope is the next to come back so I can put this all to bed. I've never ever thought about kissing or anything like that. I think it was just me losing control of my thoughts and now I'm a little nervous about it. I hope when my sex drive comes back it'll proove that I've just worried myself about nothing.
     
  6. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    I agree with her ^^^
     
  7. Sigh

    Gold Member

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    Thank you. Don't worry about your libido, just take care yourself and everything will be back to normal soon :) x
     
  8. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    Thanks again. I've never ever questioned it before. Its only when I had depression so they must be linked. I've always been very sure about my sexuality. I'll hav to wait for me to completely heal.
     
  9. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    many people who suffer from depression (including myself) suffer from loss of libido - even now when I have a bad day, I have no sex drive
     
  10. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    I've never experienced anything like this before so maybe that's why it came as such a shock and I started jumping to conclusions. I hope u make a speedy recovery.
     
  11. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    my depression is gone for the most part, I have my days though and it just kills the desire for sex.. luckily I have a man in my life who understands it and he's good at sensing the days he can make it better and leaves me alone on the days he can't :)
     
  12. HardRocker

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    For generations up to and including mine, teenagers and older singles dated the field and learned about the differences between people and became well rounded by experiencing many different ways of thinking about relationships, how different people reacted to treatment and situations, ideas about family life, etc, and became confidently socialized.

    Guys and girls would test the waters and move on, even between friends with little animosity and jealousy. Sometimes after a while a couple would get back together after learning which of their acquaintances they had experienced the most comfort, fun, and compatibility with. Some lived happily and made a steady commitment and others moved on again, but with an even firmer knowledge of what they wanted in a partner.

    Now I'm certainly not swearing this was the best way, because separations and divorces were at ridiculous numbers then and now. It may or may not be worse now, I haven't looked up the stats.

    For some reason I can't explain, this has all recently changed. I have watched my son's generation, he's almost 26, and all of his peers meet a partner and immediately try to form an exclusive bond, sex and all, without ever learning what different dynamics between different couples can exist. They are socially and emotionally crippled. When they inevitably break up, they are devastated and clueless as to how to proceed. Meanwhile grades and responsibilities suffer as they mope around being miserable for a long time, and are of no use to any potential partners until they get their shit back together. And I believe they never really do because the incapacitating path they have taken to get where they are now has left them without the social tools to help choose compatible partners.

    Jurgen, I don't think I have said anything that you could consider advice, just my observations. I am stupefied as to how this change in the human mating ritual has changed (I think, for the worse). I only know about Americans, so some of our members from other parts of the world may not be seeing what I am. I am in agreement with the others that say simply, you'll get over it. You will meet a new girl and be overtaken with all the good feelings that come with her. Just try talking out what the two of you expect in a relationship and try to get to be great friends before you commit your emotional guts to each other.

    Whew,
    HR
     
  13. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

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    Agreed HR that is also the observation with my own offsprings.
    In our generation it was "try before you buy" but these days despite unparalleled communication tools unknown in previous history the table has turned.
    Gals & guys hit on one another equally (only ever fantasised of that in my youth), but HIV, herpes and other social evils have driven youth towards monogamy which if it works is great but devastating when it doesn't.
    Jurgen's libido although battered will surely recover when he finally overcomes his despondency and realises that there are many more free mermaids swimming in the sea.
    Wishing him well in this endeavour.
     
  14. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    Thank you all for the replies. I guess I just need to relax about the whole thing and not worry. Atm that's proving difficult but I am feeling better on a daily basis, I guess I can't wait for this to all go. I've been through a very difficult break up and I have been under a lot of emotional stress. Because my sex drive was always so high and now its gone I guess I feel very uncomfortable as its so un like me.
     
  15. Mittimer

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    Part of me wants to think that it's the depression killing your sex drive and the other part of me wants to think that you're just searching for sex/relationships in the wrong place because you were wronged by the opposite sex. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a friend or two overreact and these words come out of their mouths. "If she leaves me, I'm just going to go for guys from now on"

    For all you know you COULD have some homosexual tendencies, and this just could have been the key to unlock these thoughts and feelings. No, I'm not saying your gay or that you even remotely like men, I'm saying that you may have some pent up feelings or curiosities that were able to worm their way out when you mentally broke down after this happened.

    Plus, it's common for people to look for solace where they think they might get it. Yours just happen to be with men at the time.

    Slowly try to reintroduce yourself to speaking with men and doing regular activities. Or hell, explain to a guy friend that this is how you feel and you're nervous as hell and you don't know how to get past it. If they're a good friend, they'll understand and help you through it.

    I just woke up so if none of that makes any sense, I apologize.

    /Begin Rant
    NOW
    The text speak nazi comes out in me.

    We are on a forum, you are not texting your friend. Please use "you" not "u" please use "because" not "becoz" there is no z in because..ever. When typing out the word "uve" let's go all the way and use "you've". "ur" is spelled "your" and "sumthin" is "something".

    Just because we're a forum doesn't mean you let all of your spelling and grammar knowledge go out the window. If Ms. Puss was here, she would sass you a hell of a lot worse then I would. Oh, which brings me to my next thing it's "a lot" not "alot" you don't say "acar" or "acookie" you say "a cookie"

    The red squiggly lines that appear under your words mean they aren't spelled correctly. Please use that knowledge and install a spell check in your browser.

    /End Rant
     
  16. jurgen232

    jurgen232 New Member

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    Lol.
    Thanks for the reply.
    Like previously said i've never had any thoughts about homosexuality or anything like that, i believe ive just made myself nervous because of the depression thing. Im still attracted to women however due to recent events (breakup, depression) im not getting excited about the prospects that could happen. Where as when i was in the relationship and comfy i would have all kinds of thoughts about jumping into bed with other women no problem. Just like a normal lad with a high sex drive for women! Like i said before, i believe that this is just me bringing this on myself. Im going through a difficult time at the moment with the breakup, and i guess its not unusual to have worrying thoughts, anxiety etc when your going through such a traumatic time with your mind/emotions under alot of stress. Im still getting some effects of the depression even though i feel alot better, im constantly tired even though im sleeping well(ish), loss of appetite, loss of excitement for the things i use to love (women, sports, etc). So it does kind of make sense. Like i said i have explained this to a few of my male friends and they said that they think its rubbish and that im the most straight guy they know.
    Because i was in the relationship since i was a child, i dont think ive gone through that whole teenage confusion/growing up thing. I think mentally im probably alot younger than my age in that respect.
    I guess the emotional stress of this whole thing has affected me this way. Im looking forward to making a full recovery and getting back out there to have some fun. Thats what ive always wanted to do, its just time!