[Ask a Girl] Help me with my wife?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by travis beck, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. travis beck

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    Alright, I'm new here and have seen a lot of threads over a year old.

    I have a very high sex drive and my wife just doesn't seem interested. She will masturbate when I'm not around, but won't do it with me. How do I get my wife to want sex with me?
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    A few questions first. How often do you have sex? Have either of you recently gained or lost weight? Does she watch porn? Has she always been like this? Do you have children?
     
  3. travis beck

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    We do have children and we are both in pretty good shape. My avatar is me. She is a little heavy, but I don't care. We only have sex about two to three times a month. I could go two to three times a day. I masturbate a lot.
     
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  4. AGFUNK

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    Maybe she's just tired from the kids. Have you tried helping out more? Are they younger or older?
     
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  5. travis beck

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    They are younger and yes, I do help out a lot. She stays at home while I work. I take them in the evenings a few nights so she can get a break. She has fun with her friends, but no sex for me.
     
  6. JonJo

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    Questions not asked:
    How old are you both?
    You didn't answer - has she always been like this?
    She goes out and enjoys herself; when did you last take her out, on a date?
    Do you think she needs 'romance' in her life and not just be expected to have sex because you are married?
    Do you make her 'feel wanted' for herself and not just for sex?
    When did you last have a vacation together, relax together, no home or kid distractions?
     
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  7. AGFUNK

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    It's very tiring for a stay at home mom. My one little guy exhausts me but I've always had a high sex drive. Do you try initiating or do you wait for her to make a move?
     
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  8. travis beck

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    We are both mid-30s. We go out on dates once a month. She goes out with her friends twice a month. She has a tight group of girls from college and it has always been like that. Yes, I do make her feel wanted, I think. But it isn't enough, which is why I'm here.
     
  9. AGFUNK

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    Have you asked her if she feels wanted and appreciated? A lot of stay at home moms don't feel appreciated.
     
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  10. travis beck

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    Appreciated? She gets to stay at home, take care of our children, go to the pool and tennis courts on a daily basis. I go to work to pay for all of it. Appreciated?
     
  11. JonJo

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    Last and most obvious and before anybody asks/suggests:
    Have you tried talking to her openly, calmly and none confrontational about how she feels and how you feel.
    Note I said 'how she feels' first, because it is her feelings that are causing your 'problem'.
    Talking about and understanding the causes are the first and most important steps before any actions can be taken, on anything.
    I know I have stated the obvious but sometimes in times of 'stress' the obvious is what we miss seeing.
     
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  12. AGFUNK

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    And there's the problem. Staying home and taking care of children is a job whether you think it is or not. There is no break unless you give her one. I have stayed home with our son for 9 months. I have been the only one who has woken up with him at night, most of the diaper changes, cleaned the apartment, done the grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, feeding our son, everything for him. Yes, she should be appreciated. Taking care of children is the hardest job on the planet. You not appreciating her is most likely your sex problem.
     
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  13. JonJo

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    There is bottled up tension, even anger and resentment in that answer.
    Do you think she is picking-up on that?
    Sometimes we men forget just how sensitive the female antenna are to such things.
     
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  14. 10_3XL

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    Based off the tone I'm picking up here, it sounds almost as if you are resentful of your wife for her feelings. Don't know if that's the case or not - but if there is any resentment she might be picking up on it and that could be playing into her disinterest in sex/intimacy.

    Also, regarding the "feeling appreciated" bit. Sure, you provide for her and do all sorts of things to show you appreciate her being in your life, but it never hurts to say it as well. It's kind of like saying "I love you" to your wife - you don't need to, but it never hurts. :)
     
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  15. travis beck

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    Our youngest is four. She goes to the pool every day and puts the kids in camp at the club. I know being a mom is a tough job, but she isn't stuck in the house all day or anything.
     
  16. 10_3XL

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    I'm not a mom (obviously) but I do care-giving/support as a job. I can tell you that even when you're not "stuck in the house" and are out in the community doing things - even fun things - you are working. When you are responsible for another individual (or individuals) on top of yourself it is work - mental/emotional if not physical.

    Again, there seems to be a lot of resentment towards your wife for her "easy" lifestyle. The two of you really need to sit down and talk about this.
     
  17. travis beck

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    I agree. Trust me, I appreciate what she does. She goes out twice a month with her girlfriends, but we only do date night once a month. Her choice, not mine.
     
  18. AGFUNK

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    I suggest you two to go to marriage counseling then. This will most likely only get worse and counseling should help.
     
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  19. travis beck

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    I've tried. She doesn't want to go.
     
  20. AGFUNK

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    Then I guess you have to figure out if you love her enough to live with the frequency. What was her reason for not wanting counseling?