head & heart hurting over size :(

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Goldenlion, Apr 4, 2008.

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  1. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Hey guys n gals, been a while... hope everybody is enjoying their easter hols.
    Some of you might know about me from previous posts, well i did manage to come to terms with my gf's past and im cool with it now after a lot of talking.
    I have one problem and it seems to be the only issue which i have at the moment.
    It does in a way involve my girlfriends past, but its not the actual past situation which bothers me.

    Basically, one of the guys she has been with in the past had a dick which is way bigger then mine.
    She organized it with this guy then met up for a one night stand.
    He was black and assumed he was well equipped, and was very handsom.
    She was right in assuming and it was the only reason she went for it really.

    Now as far as looks go, we're about equal, just a matter of perference really. (im mixed race btw) I have a very good body etc... saying this, these things dont really bother me because its character and personality which takes the main priority.

    What im hurting over is that she's been with someone way bigger then i am.
    And im not exactly small, im 7" and 5.7" around (measured the other day it got so bad)
    Basically this has just fucked my confidence, i know its all in my head and i've tried dealing with it but i cant :(

    I've spoken once about it to my gf, she said she didnt enjoy it that much because he was too big and he couldnt fit it all in.
    That i've gone deeper then anybody else and given her the best O's in her life.
    You'd think that would be enough reasurance and it should be but i still find myself hurting :(
    I havent fought with my gf over this or anything like that, its just my confidence and feeling inadiquate.
    I said, at least the look of it must of been a turn on for you, she said "not really, it made me worry on how im going to fit in inside me"
    But when we have sex and i talk dirty, when i talk about my cock being big etc... it turns her on big time so i dunno whats up with that.


    ...Sorry for the babbling, i just feel really shit about it.
    I cant even talk to her for reasurance because i promised not to bring her past up after a fight we had ages ago and to prove im not bothered about it anymore.
    it is linked with her past but i'd worry anyway if i was enough for her even if i was the only sexual partner she's had.

    I think its even turning into some sort of fucking complex because when i watch porn, i like watching guys like lex and mandingo style vids. Which doesnt help i guess.

    She says im more then enough and im the best lover she could ever wish for but for some damn reason it wont quit bugging me, i hate it and its not fair on me and its not fair on her. I just wanna get on with loving her and being the best boyfriend i can be! :(:(:(
     
  2. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    Dude all I can say is you do have some serious complex issue. So what if a guy has got a bigger john-thomas then you. Who gives a flying-f**k. You're the one with your girl not him. You probably perform better then him as well. I'm gonna use this cliche again but its not the size of the ocean but the motion of the ocean.
     
  3. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Thanks for your words.
    I know i have a mental issue, im not denying that.

    Cheers again for the advice (not being sarcastic) :)
     
  4. cook74

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    When will guys learn that an average size penis (or any size) is all you need :eyes

    Unless you want to star in movies like "Big Black, Li'l Pink" (There is such a movie btw)

    Dude...You seriously need to have a look at the whole picture and not just some appendage that comes into use every now and again.

    Do you find your self attractive as a whole?

    Do you think you have a likable/lovable personality?

    The more you doubt yourself the worse your sex life might become.

    And the past is just that.
     
    #4 cook74, Apr 4, 2008
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2008
  5. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    My sex life isnt suffering at all from this, i know im good looking (sorry to sound vain or whatever) i have a good personality and everything.

    I just dont know how to get my head around this.

    Like she went with him because he had a big dick and looks "to die for" so you can understand how it can make me feel insecure.
    Like she gets upset knowing that i've only kissed another girl before, i fear to think what she'd be like if i was with some hot blonde with tits the size of footballs.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    As odd as this may sound, I don't think your problem has anything to do with your g/f or the man she slept with. I think it goes much deeper than that. I have a feeling that if this issue didn't come up, you would still have found something to make you feel insecure and apprehensive about yourself.

    Think back to your life as you've lived it thus far. Are there times when you have been accused of blowing things all out of proportion? Have you felt defensive and worrisome about other things? I bet you have.

    Now, instead of obsessing about the issue at hand, perhaps you should find a way of learning to CHANGE whatever it is within you that makes you have these self-destructive feelings. I think you will need help, and not the kind you will get here. You need to seek professional help and find a person that is trained to aid you. IMHO.
     
  7. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    What do you mean cowboy ?
    About things in my past ?

    I dont usually have self-destructive feelings.

    I usually dont worry, i dont make a fuss about much.

    I think it is how its written, that im feeling insecure about her being with someone who is bigger then i am and purposely going with him just for that.


    Although i do agree i might need some help :(
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Hon, if you don't understand what I said, and you can't relate to it, then there's nothing more than I can say. All I know is, your way of thinking is something that developes as you go through life, each experience teaches you in one way or another. I don't think that what is going on with you now is something that just came out of the clear blue sky; I think there's more to it than that. "Nuff said.
     
  9. Dreama

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    Perhaps you should see a counselor. I don't think any of us are equipped to help you with issues that your girlfriend cannot even help you with. I'm sorry I can't offer any more advice. I think a counselor would help more than anything else.
     
  10. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    okay, thanks for trying.
    Will let you know how things go if anybody is interested.

    All the best.
     
  11. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    So she slept with the guy cos he has a big dick...is she still with him? No, she is with you.

    I imagine quite a few girls might want to experience something different, but it doesn't mean it is better. I had sex with a bloke who was very proud of his size and considered himself a great lover, but I found him to be a huge disappointment. His length made it quite uncomfortable for me, and his attitude was appalling. Because I wasn't coming all over the place he made me feel like there was something wrong with me, when in fact his technique just didn't do it for me. He thought his size was enough... and it wasn't.

    Size is not everything.

    She has told you that you satisfy her. You have a good sex life together. Don't ruin the relationship by thinking you are not good enough for her.
     
  12. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    What...

    ...if the counselor has a bigger dick than me? Or banged my wife or girlfriend? What if she...liked it? What if he has a Corvette? A red one? Convertible? 6 speed? L88?


    What if I'm being a totally insensitive prick and don't even realize it? What if someone else is an even bigger insensitive prick...and admits it? What if...
     
  13. Dreama

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    :lol Well, that's what happens when we play the 'what if' game.
     
  14. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Yeah...

    ...but...but what if we DON'T think about the 'what if's'? What then??? Are we just supposed to be happy with ourselves, try to be good people and deal with life as it comes???

    :eek
     
  15. Dreama

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    Dare I dream?? Dare I??!!!:uhh:
     
  16. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    I do not know how much this board is going to be able to help you as it sounds as though you have other issues. Seeing a counsellor is not the issue especially in the UK as the last thing you want is being 'sectioned' in this country because of some improperly trained counsellor misunderstanding what you are saying or having your employer find out. Remember seeing a counsellor in this country is not like the US where the Yanks see them because they cannot cope with the colour of their car because the dealer delivered the wrong colour or want to see one for personal growth. In this country counsellors are for more serious problems and the last thing you want to do is start the process for being 'sectioned' or being treated for years for a simple issue that relates to transitioning from adolescence to adulthood. My opinion is that you are probably still struggling with your girlfriend's past and because you are quite young with limited sexual experience you do not understand the difference between love and sex.

    Granted your girlfriend has someone bigger than you 'bfd', she did not enjoy it. Yes she may say that she would like a bigger cock when the two of you are having sex but what is said in the 'heat of the moment' has nothing to do with what a person feels. She says that enjoys being with you personally I would take that a face value. From the sounds of it she does know the difference between love and sex. I would recommend that you learn it or loose someone that is special.
     
  17. Dreama

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    Wow. You must have a really misguided sense of what Americans are like. I wouldn't just suggest a counselor to any old person, you know, for any old problem. Myself, I've never even seen one. I've managed to get through my problems by myself. However, others need a little help. I don't know the OP, or really if he is or is not equipped to go at his problems alone. I do know that when you cannot work a problem out on your own, it is good to see an unbiased intermediary to help you. There is no shame in asking for help. It doesn't make you crazy. I really take issue with your demeaning attitude towards Americans, and how some of us are not afraid to bring our problems into the open. I mean, take your nationalistic nonsense elsewhere. I understand that you don't think this person needs counseling. However, don't insult Americans in general. It's ignorant, and foolish. If you have statistics stating that x amount of Americans see counselors because they can't decide what fucking color their car is, I'll be willing to listen. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm sick and tired of people discounting advice because someone is a dreaded 'American'. We're not stupid, you know.
     
  18. cbrmale

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    Goldenlion,
    Yorkiesmurf is sort-of right as far as I understand the UK medical system, which is very different to the US. However, only a psychiatrist (as distinct from a psychologist) can section a person. Nonetheless, it's unlikely that NHS will give you a referral to see a psychologist over a penis-size complex.

    I am an owner of an above-average-sized penis, and I know that my size has turned on some of my casual sex partners in my past. I've never been picked up because of my size 'cause I'm a slim white guy. But with some women for the first time, it was clear that they were quite excited by my size. After a while I worked out that it was visual and tactile: it looks impressive, it's nice to hold, maybe oral sex is more satisfying (or challenging) on me. The excitement was clearly noticeable well before penetration. Whether it actually feels better I don't know.

    In any case I measure my sexual worth not as nature endowed me but in my ability to arouse and satisfy my partner. And size alone doesn't do that, instead it takes technique. And the techniques I use are the same as any other good lover, otherwise I'd be like Nettle's past experience.

    So my greatest asset are my oral sex skills, and more partners have been blissed by my oral sex technique than ever were excited by my size.

    Remember that there's a lot more to sex than a big cock, and remember that that there's a lot more to a relationship than sex, a whole lot more.
     
  19. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    Ah I finally get it. He's digging deep into his thoughts and voicing them. Most of us get thoughts like that however we don't do anything about them it's just one of those things that we figure is meaningless and petty and won't affect anything and we just need to get over ourselves but we still get those feelings and thoughts. As long as it's not affecting anything seriously and it's just in your head then you shouldn't worry about it. It's natural instinct to want to be better then the rest.
     
  20. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    GoldenLion:
    Sounds like the basic run-of-the-mill Self Confidence and Self Acceptance issues here :shrug

    Now, if it's driving a wedge between yourself and someone with whom you really desire to make a LTR, I'd go with some counseling. Until you are a man who is assured of his own self-worth, you won't be able to believe that anybody else finds you 'worthy'. You'll always be thinking up reasons why other people don't really think you're 'all that'. Problem is - it's in your head - not theirs.
     
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