He won't go down on me!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by PulpFiction, Oct 1, 2006.

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  1. PulpFiction

    PulpFiction New Member

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    Hi everyone, I'm Mandy and I'm new here. I'm really happy to see so many other sex-positive people in a forum like this. I'm looking forward to reading more from all of you!

    What led me here is a problem that I've been having lately. My partner will not perform oral sex on me. He did when we first started dating 5 months ago, but only a few times, not on a regular basis at all. Now he absolutely refuses. The other night I was nearly begging and he still wouldn't. He says this is because he had a bad experience one time when he was going down on me. Here's the deal: I get VERY wet when I'm aroused. Like, dripping down my legs wet. Now, I've been around the block a bit (I call myself a recovering slut--most of my previous partners were in late high school and freshman year of college, very long story that I could get into later), and not one guy has ever complained about how wet I get. In fact, most really enjoy it. And I've never met a guy so steadfastly against performing cunnilingus on me.

    So the bad experience for my partner was when I was on top of him and he was giving me oral, and some of my wetness dripped into his mouth and hit him in the back of the throat, triggering a gag reflex. He paused and laughed about it at the time, but now he cites this as the reason why he won't go down on me, even if I'm on my back and nothing will drip on him. I go down on him on a regular basis (almost every time we have sex), and his lack of reciprocation is getting REALLY old. I'm getting very frustrated, and we actually argued about this the other night. He says he gets queasy at the thought of going down on me (he's had some stomach problems recently, and tends to psych himself out when it comes to queasiness, making him feel even sicker), and refuses to even try. I'm so frustrated that I wonder if I can even fix this or if I should just learn to live without.

    Help me, please!!
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    OMG! NO woman should ever "go without" cunnilingus. That is a law of nature.

    I suggest, take your time. Ask him to do it for a short time, then move on to what he enjoys. Be very - VERY sure you are clean. Use a douche, or if you have used one recently, then you need to use a feminine cleanser wipe. You will smell like a flower, and taste like "Mr. Clean"! Let him work into the realization that your taste and smell is 'sweet'.

    Anytime someone has a bad experience, it takes patience to get past that.

    When I was very young, I didn't know ANY FUCKING THING about cleanliness. My boyfriend at the time had to educate me on female hygiene.
    [BANANA]OH, DAMN! HOW EMBARRASSING!![/BANANA]

    But, he took me to a drugstore, showed me the feminine hygiene area, and told me what a douche was.... *damn, this is embarrassing - but I'm doing it for you, kid!*

    Once you know you are nice and sweet, just let him do it for short periods of time. He needs to work back into it. Sometimes, even guys have a bad experience that they need to work through. Your gentle prodding will help him overcome his fears. :tup
     
  3. PulpFiction

    PulpFiction New Member

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    Hi Rose, thanks for the advice!

    I really try to keep as clean as possible. I don't douche because I've read several things saying that it washes away "good" bacteria and leaves women more prone to infections such as bacterial vaginosis, and my gynecologist advises against it. However, I do make sure to wash very well, and I use cleanser wipes (I even keep some in my partner's bathroom and make sure to use them before and after sex). Believe me, I'm nearly OCD about cleanliness of all kinds, especially when it comes to my vagina! I've had more than one gynecologist comment on how clean I am (that's an odd compliment to receive--I never know what to say other than an awkward "uh...thanks."). So it's not that.

    Also, I hate to sound like I'm discounting your advice, which is really quite good, judging from this and the other posts I've seen from you around here in my hour on the forums so far, but he won't even go down for a second. Absolutely refuses. So I'm willing to shape his behavior and start small, but the getting started is the hardest part when I can't even get his mouth in the vicinity! I've talked to him about possibly using a flavored lube or something, but he's shot down literally every suggestion I've had.

    I'm going to go to bed now and try not to think of what I'm missing... ;)
     
  4. Bluesy

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    I'm with Rose. I think there are ways around this, like the cleanser wipes (SweetSpot Labs comes to mind) or other hygiene products. You could also keep a towel handy and let him break occasionally to mop up. It would be a little inconvenient, but if he isn't enjoying himself he isn't going to give it 100%, and we want to motivate him to give 110%. :brow

    OK, I didn't get to read your reply to Rose before I hit submit. How about starting with a split condom? Flavored or you could use flavored lube...just an idea. Other than that, it sounds to me like there might be a different reason for his aversion that he doesn't want to confess.
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Okay, so maybe just back off for a while.

    Seriously, most guys love eating pussy. Maybe he just needs a breather... let him come back to it himself? If it was a new experience for him, and it temporarily turned him off, he may need his "space" to work back into it.

    Try backing off for a while - - see if his "manly instincts" move his mouth back to your pelvis. It IS a natural phenominon. "We are fearfully and wonderfully created". It's all part of a greater plan!!! :tup
     
  6. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Best thing to do is to talk to him about it outside of the bedroom without getting upset and a part of a regular conversation. I am willing to bet that the reason he provided to you is not the real reason but you will not know until you talk with him.
     
  7. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    He sounds like one of those guys who just doesn't like giving oral when you get right down to it. I personally don't understand it, oral is the best! I would not suggest living without it. It could be a deal breaker for you two.
     
  8. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    But, he took me to a drugstore, showed me the feminine hygiene area, and told me what a douche was.... *damn, this is embarrassing - but I'm doing it for you, kid!*

    [​IMG]


    Think I would frown on that.


    Now to be searious, You do not have a problem, He does.
    The wetter you get the more I would rub my face in your pussy.

    If I were him I would only be conserned if you didnt get wet.
     
  9. Thorn

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    I used to have similar hang-ups, although not quite as strongly as your guy Pulp. But when I found out how much she loves it I started loving pleasuring her almost as much as she loves receiving it.

    I know when I'm eating my woman's pussy there are times only my tongue is contacting her sensitive areas but a few minutes later as she gets wetter and wetter my face from my nose to the bottom of my goatee will be wet from her juices. We even have to put a towel under her so it doesn’t get on the bedding. I absolutely love it when I have to swallow her juices several times during the session so it doesn't soak through the towel.. I don't do it exactly the same ever time. She loves it when I switch up and change techniques, speed, pressure, etc. She doesn't really have any smell at all. No taste either. After she O's I love putting my cock in it all wet like that and slamming away until I cum.
     
  10. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Pulp Fiction, I like to put some of that pre cum on my finger and spread it on the girls lips for her to lick off, and 100% of the women do just that
    so if you are one that will taste yourself then you know if you have a bad taste. If so then you must change your diet, or take a douche, The cherry flavored on is great.
     
  11. AnonymousOne

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    Two things:

    1.) No guy should be uncomfortable going down on his girl. Well ... unless maybe he lost his tongue in a freak accident, then a little awkwardness is forgivable.

    2.) "Aw shit I just shot Marvin in the face!"
     
  12. Thorn

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    Who the hell is Marvin and what is he doing in your dorm room A1?
     
  13. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    not that I would RECOMMEND this... but there is always the option of not going down on HIM. Taste of his own medicine, ya know? Works for some...but again, I'm not saying I recommend it cuz it could easily backfire and make the situation worse
     
  14. Thorn

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    Like you say BiBi, it might not work but I like your spunk girl!
     
  15. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    In view of our new member's chosen handle, I thought it'd approriate to quote the following dialogue from the movie Pulp Fiction here:

    Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing.
    Vincent: It's not. It's the same ballpark.
    Jules: Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.
    Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage?
    Jules: [scoffs] Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. I'm the foot fuckin' master.
    Vincent: Given a lot of 'em?
    Jules: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be ticklin' or nothin'.
    Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
    [Jules gives Vincent a long look, realizing he's been set up]
    Jules: Fuck you.
    Vincent: You give them a lot?
    Jules: Fuck you.
    Vincent: You know, I'm getting kinda tired. I could use a foot massage myself.
    Jules: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' a little pissed here
     
  16. PulpFiction

    PulpFiction New Member

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    Hey everyone, thanks for the great suggestions, but I have tried all of this. I haven't been badgering him about it. I have tried to talk about it with him only a couple of times, suggesting something different each time. This last week was the first time in a while, and I brought it up only once, in normal conversation out of bed, and tried my best to communicate what I was feeling. So I can't really back off much from what I've been doing. I've also tried not reciprocating to show him how much it really is important to me. That hasn't been effective at all, and I don't like doing that because I do actually like going down on him, so we're both getting punished from that one.

    I've tasted myself in various states of arousal and I taste like nothing. I don't smell, there's nothing objectionable about the area at all. If I were that flexible, I'd be down there myself and this wouldn't be a problem! Although I suspect that most people would do that if they had that ability.

    I'm a psychologist (but not a sex therapist), and I know several techniques for getting him to change his behavior. However, this first step (simply getting him to try anything for a second) is a doozy, and I need his willingness to cooperate. I've never met anyone so resistant to trying something. I don't want him to start feeling resentful, but I'm starting to feel that way myself. He's fantastic in many other respects and we have great sex otherwise. I like to think of myself as pretty experienced and knowledgeable sexually, but I've never come up against something like this before. I'm all out of ideas at this point. Perhaps I should invest in The Tongue.
     
  17. barbie

    barbie New Member

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    You know not every man likes oral sex,and tons of women don't like it but they do it anyway because it's expected.I would think your guy wouldn't wouldn't go down on any woman.He would find a reason not to.Hang in there .He may come around .
     
  18. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    So true, Barbie. He may be one of those men that simply doesn't like it. Period. And he may never like it. I suppose there could be worse things in this world to have to contend with, so yes, Mandy - investing in a nice toy may be something to consider. Something that gives you near the same feeling as good cunnilingus.
     
  19. PulpFiction

    PulpFiction New Member

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    That's OK if he doesn't like it. I actually never have orgasmed from it, but I do like receiving--it's sort of like a massage to me, pleasant and relaxing. I think it's more about the reciprocation for me. He expects me to do for him and won't do for me. The other thing is that when we first started dating (before we first had sex), he had said that he LOVES going down on a girl and could "spend hours down there". So naturally, I was pretty psyched about that. Obviously, he hasn't lived up to that one bit. I asked him about it at one point and he said that he was exaggerating, sort of as a strategy for marketing himself to me. I have no idea why he ever thought that was a good idea because now I feel like I've been lied to, even though he said he did like going down, just not to the extent that he had previously stated.

    So I wouldn't miss it if I weren't expecting it. I guess part of this issue is that he really needs to put his money where his mouth is (or isn't, so to speak).
     
  20. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    Well, I for one can't imagine how a guy would not be interested in oral sex. I have never met a woman who I would not do after being in that area. Some were of course cleaner than others but all were considered clean enough for me. I suppose someone might have had a bad experience but most of us guys get over those fairly quickly and 'it's just part of the territory'. As a matter of fact, if I had to give up performing oral sex or give up intercourse, I'm giving up intercourse and gonna keep munching away! I feel much closer and in tune with oral sex than anything else. Just my input.......
     
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