He Left Without Saying Goodbye

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Gabby, Apr 14, 2011.

  1. Gabby

    Gabby New Member

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    I will try not to make this too long but I am totally confused and crushed. I am a MW seeing a MM since December 2010. In February 2011 we became exclusive and agreed not to see anyone else. Then the love bug bit us and we decided to take our relationship one day at a time and see where things go. He does have kids and he co-exists with his wife and does not want to leave until his kids are older. We agreed to no bs, lies, etc. My marriage has been sexless for 12 plus years and that is my husbands choice. He does not want a divorce and we live like roommates. Anyway after 12 years of no intimacy I gave in and thought I found a nice honest decent man. My husband knows I have a lover and our marriage is open.

    Part of the year my MM works in another state and was up front about that when we first met. He told me yesterday he was leaving sooner than he thought and I was doing my best to stay positive. We are also planning that I would come visit him several times. So later this morning I receive a text saying he does not like long sappy goodbyes and that he left early this morning. He said to call whenever I want and he hopes I am not upset.

    Needless to say I was floored when I read his text and immediately the tears started flowing. I thought how could he do this to me? Does he really care about me or did he not want an emotional goodbye? So now I am wondering if he really did love me or if everything he said was a lie. If he was lying he should win an Emmy, Academy Award, etc.

    Am I a fool? I don't know what to do now. I have not called him back because my jaw is still on the floor.
  2. Untamed

    Untamed Verified Gold Member

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    Hi Gabby.

    Very sad indeed. Call him back and say it hurt that he left without the long drawn out goodbye as you would've liked one.

    I don't know what else to say love. Pick yourself up *hugs*

  3. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    Hi Gabby,

    Some people are not good at doing goodbyes......... prefering the quick surgical way.

    I can't work out from your post if this a permanent separation or temporary one.
  4. collette

    collette Member

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    We have some things in common and I know how painful this is! While we can all guess at his meaning and intentions, perhaps you should call and tell him your feelings about how he handled the departure.

    Hopefully that conversation will give you some more insight.

    And read Untamed's signature too ~ good advice there.

    Hugs ~ feel free to IM me - as I say we have a lot in common.
  5. Ready2Please

    Ready2Please Gold Member

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    Yeah that is what wasn't clear in her post.
  6. Gabby

    Gabby New Member

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    Sorry I did not make it clear. It is permanent and he does come home and we are planning visits. Every has been so nice in their responses...thankyou. I posted on another board and got blasted. :(

    Tomorrow is a new day and I am already feeling better. It was so shocking to here he had already left and I was at work. Then I had to keep it together. I am totally exhausted.
  7. Untamed

    Untamed Verified Gold Member

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    So you will see him again? Well that's promising :)

    I am sure he just wanted to avoid a tearful farewell. But maybe touching base with him over the phone will put your mind at ease. *hugs*
  8. Trond

    Trond Gold Member

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    I think he was a bit insensitive, but it seems that he was trying to tell you that he might have to go earlier. Still, I think he should have made it clear that he might not be able to say goodbye in the morning.

    Having said that, you may be making things worse by not calling. I sometimes wonder why people react by cutting communication. OK, I think I know why, but the thing is that it makes YOU marinade in uncertainty and insecurity while he might not even know there is a problem. Call him, tell him that you felt hurt, but get it out of your system. I think you will be better able to see where this is going after that.
  9. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

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    Not to sound like an asshole but you're both married and cheating and THIS is the upsetting part.....?
  10. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    Ah Bigpappi not everyone is fortunate to be in a happy marriage.
  11. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    She said her husband knows, their marriage is open Bigpappi. Gabby, I wonder if he suddenly got overwhelmed and needed some thinking space, tbh you're not going to get any answers until you see him again.

    When you and one other are hurting it takes a lot to see through your own pain into his, not saying he is - just a thought.
  12. gyfo

    gyfo New Member

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    No Judgements on you Gabby about the marriage thing. Different strokes for different folks.

    I do think that its flipping disrespectful to just send someone a text in the first place to say something like that. Face to face is best pr even a phonecall. I really think you deserve an explanation. I would phone and say WTF?
  13. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

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    Oh because her husband KNOWS it makes it ok....got it.......*note the sarcasm* .....wonder if his wife knows and its ok with her?
  14. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    i don't really see the problem. the guy doesn't like long goodbyes, he was straight up about it. maybe his real wife or kids were there to say goodbye, and you being there might have complicated things. honestly though, no one hear has answers. he said call him whenever, so call him. if he cares for you as you say he does, then he'll listen. if not, then whats the point?
  15. Gabby

    Gabby New Member

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    Well I guess I made a mountain out of a mole hill. I was like a kick in the gut when I received his text saying he had already left. Yes he was a wreck because his kids did not handle his leaving well and he left earlier this year.

    Thank you for your replies and it is very much appreciated. I have a lot to think about.